Sports and Visitation

[caligirl73]

Thanks Shawna........As a parent, we all make sacrifices for our kids. My mom did it for my brother and I and I am so grateful to my mom for that. She loved my brother and I enough to make the choices she did. My dad could have cared less. If you love your children enough, you will do what you can for them so that they have a decent childhood and they know they are loved. It teaches them to be thankful for what they have been given and thankful for love they were shown. Maybe my ex will understand that someday, I dont know.

 

[nextwife]

Cali, maybe you need to stop associating

DADDY at SPORTS =Support by Daddy

Daddies can be supportive in many other ways, and dads who are not into sports and instead prefer to do other things with their kids are ALSO supportive.

MY dad was not into sports (nor is my husband, but he is a wonderful and "supportive" dad in other ways), he was in to history and philosophy, He took me to many state historical society sights. He took me hiking, we gardened together, he liked to sit and talk about politics and philosophy, he took me on real estate showings with him. He rarely ever took me to sports, are you saying that means he was not supportive? He was EMOTIONALLY supportive- he made me believe I could be or do anything I worked at. A dad who wishes to do things other than sports with their child should not be presumed to be "not supporting them".

 

[caligirl73]

Cali, maybe you need to stop associating

DADDY at SPORTS =Support by Daddy

Daddies can be supportive in many other ways, and dads who are not into sports and instead prefer to do other things with their kids are ALSO supportive.

MY dad was not into sports (nor is my husband, but he is a wonderful and "supportive" dad in other ways), he was in to history and philosophy, He took me to many state historical society sights. He took me hiking, we gardened together, he liked to sit and talk about politics and philosophy, he took me on real estate showings with him. He rarely ever took me to sports, are you saying that means he was not supportive? He was EMOTIONALLY supportive- he made me believe I could be or do anything I worked at. A dad who wishes to do things other than sports with their child should not be presumed to be "not supporting them".

This is what I stated..................
And for Next Wife, I grew up playing sports with NO support from my father even though he and my mother were married. He NEVER came to anything I did nor did he go to anything my brother did. My folks got divorced when I was 16 and he could have given a crap less what my brother and I did from then on. I have every reason to not want this to happen to my daughter, whether its sports, school, and just life in general. I was pretty much raised with my mom or grandparents taking me where I had to go and supporting my brother and I in our numerous activities and schoolwork. My dad was NEVER there! Sorry if you guys cannot understand why I would want the same support for my daughter from myself and my ex. We are her parents.


My dad NEVER cared about what I did in school, with friends, anything. I was heavily involved in sports yes, that was my choice. My dad never cared, period. Makes me wonder why he ever decided to want to have kids.
I am NOT saying that dads cannot be emotionally supportive or supportive about other things kids do. I never said anything about that. I was stating that my ex doesnt care about the activities she enjoys now, and what is it going to be like when she gets older?? He never asks how she is doing in school either. Granted, she is only 5 and just graduated kindergarden, but as a "supportive" parent, I would expect him to at least ask. He never asks what she is learning, or what she has been up to. I read with her every night, I practice her printing with her too. Not to make me sound like a "perfect" parent, Lord knows Im not!! I asked her about a couple weeks ago if her daddy ever reads with her or colors with her, whatever the case may be, and she said no. She is pretty honest about stuff, and whether what she stated is true or not, I feel like he just doesnt take enough time while he has her.
You were lucky to have a dad like you did. I wish that my dad had taken the time to be in my life more. He did nothing but put me down and shatter our dreams of anything meaningful in mine and my brother's life.
I dont want the same to happen to my daughter.

 

[MBMom]

NW - Your dad sounds like he'd get along with my husband!

Caligirl - You ARE placing too much emphasis on the sports thing. If your ex doesn't want to take your daughter to her games and she whines and cries about it, help out a little by not complaining so much yourself. You already know the legality issues of it - He DOES NOT have to take her if it's his weekend, so the only thing you can do as a caring mom is try to make it better instead of worse.

My ex enrolled my son in t-ball in order to hopefully prevent me from getting my son any sooner..."But, Your Honor, he's in t-ball right now." AND HE'S FIVE! Sports for that age is for FUN! The kids won't know the difference if they miss a couple games, unless of course you MAKE them aware.

I know this isn't your situation, but I'd be upset if my ex was enrolling my son in a bunch of sports and demanded I take him to everything when it was my time with him. I have another son, and my husband and I like to plan little weekend trips or fun things for the family. If we couldn't do those things because I had to travel to take my son to his sports ESPECIALLY when he's only five, I'd be upset. You can make up fun for kids in MANY other ways. Again, I know that's not YOUR situation, but you can't expect to be able to control what things your ex does with his child.

 

[caligirl73]

I understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. I am not technically demanding anything, at this point I have just asked if we can work something out. If my ex had never agreed to our daughter doing any sort of extra curricular activities I would not be arguing this issue, but he agreed 5-6 months ago that it was ok. I know its not that big of a deal that she misses games at this age level, that is something I need to get over. The fact remains if my ex was paying for her to do something, you can bet that he would demand I bring her there. Which, personally I dont have a problem with. I travel quite a bit to go support my little sister in her activities, I take my son here and there for baseball and various school activities, and I even travel to see my boyfriends son play ball.
I know I am expecting too much from my ex, and like I said, I have not demanded that he do anything, I have just simply asked. He is the one who got angry a month ago about her being in sports. It just seems funny to me that his attitude changed so much from when he was single 5-6 months ago.

 

[soniasaini]

Cali-
Leave the marital status out of the equation. He may again divorce, he may again remarry. You have no control or influence over it, so stop trying to perform regression analysis (determining a cause and effect relationship) between his decision not to take his daughter to soccer now and his new marriage. It will only frustrate you further.

I am married to a NCP. My step is now 12...been through it for eleven years now. This is my advice. You have the majority of decision-making power in your situation. Use it. Don't expect NCP to see things the same way you do or to value the same things you do. Don't make the mistake of judging the NCP because he doesn't see things the way you do. Don't think that because you agree upon something at one point in time, it will forever hold true. People change their minds, you will too. The more open-minded and flexible you are, the better for your child.

You can teach your daughter where to place value. You can easily change her attitude about missing a soccer game to a positive...how lucky you are that Daddy thinks you're more important than soccer. What a special girl you are to Daddy and how lucky for you. (He's obviously not your Dad, he wants to spend time with her and not just let her mother take her to whatever/whenever.)

Seven years from now, you will find that Daddy will be much more involved and interested. He may not color with her or read to her, but he will share with her his strengths and skills. Allow him the freedom to parent the best way he can.

Over the years we have been told what activities and camps my step's mother really, really, really wants her to be in on NCP time. It's rather annoying. I understand that you have a vision of what yours and your daughter's path should be, but the unfortunate circumstance of separated parents is that you must allow for the vision your ex has for he and his daughter too. The best you can hope for is that they cordially overlap at each of the milestones she reaches.

This is key**always give yourself at least a day to calm down before you respond to anything he says or does that irritates you. Good luck.