Step Parent Adoption and/or Name Change

[crkgrl75]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I was married for 6 years when I got divorced. Almost a year after my ex-husband and I separated, I got involved with someone new, and ended up having a daughter with him. He left when she was 5 weeks old, and about a year later, I got back together with my ex-husband and he has taken care of my daughter ever since. Her bio-father has not had any contact with her in 3 years (she is 4 now), and has not payed child support since this past December. We have 2 other children together from our marriage. He wants to adopt her and give her the last name that everyone else in our household have. She hates for people to call her by her last name because it is different from her brothers and parents. What are the chances of getting her name changed and my ex-husband being allowed to adopt her? Her bio-father doesn't want anything to do with her, but he won't sign over his rights because he is afraid of what other people will think.
I would think that it would be easier to get a girl's name changed, since girls generally don't carry on the family name anyway, so what would be the big deal of changing it? I am getting tired of explaining to people why my youngest child is the one isn't my ex-husband/fiance's. People automatically jump to the conclusion that she must have been the result of adultry and the reason for our divorce. While it doesn't really matter to me what other people
think, I am afraid of how it will affect her as she grows up. She just wants to have her daddy's last name, since as far as she's concerned, my ex-husband is her only daddy!

Are there ways around the problem of the "sperm donor" denying termination of rights? How about his interference in a name change?

Please help! I just want this resolved before she gets into regular school and has to start writing her name. She refuses to use her real last name and instead refers to herself with our last name. It is very sad.

I also want to ensure that if, God forbid, something were to happen to me, she wouldn't be torn away from the only father she has known, and away from her two brothers that she adores. She would be absolutely devastated if she was ever torn from her stabile environment!

Thanks in advance for any help that can be given.

 

[nextwife]

If he were your husband and wished to so a step parent adoption, you could certainly offer the biodad forgiveness of the arrearage in exchange for agreeing to terminate parental rights. A name change can be done in conjunction with an adoption. But it won't happen unless you are married.

A name chnage does nothing regarding custody in the event you are unable to care for your child.

 

[crkgrl75]

Well, we will be remarried next year, unless we decide to do it sooner, if it will help matters. Since I still have my married name, it shouldn't matter whether we are married or not for the name change. The main thing I need to know is whether or not I can forcibly terminate his rights after he has not paid his child support for a year. When I was at court for his non-payment once before, another woman who was there said that she had been able to do it. He will not willingly do it, even if he is behind, because he is afraid people will look down at him for "abandoning" her, even though he already has done that. He thinks that as long as he is still legally her parent, he can just tell everyone that I am at fault for his noninvolvement. If her signs over his rights, they will know that he didn't want to be responsible for her. He is trying to save face.

 

[d8ddysgirl]

Child support and a parents rights have nothing to do with one another. (Unfortunatley)

You can not force him to sign anything. You go to an attorney and have papers drawn up. If he signs them, he does. The matter can be taken to court if he does not sign but then a judge will make that decision. And honestly a judge does not like to terminate a parents rights. And I know a judge will not do it because the father has not paid child support.

If you can talk him into signing its 100% better.

Good Luck...

 

[stealth2]

Child support and a parents rights have nothing to do with one another. (Unfortunatley)

Not true. Not paying child support for a specified period of time (state specific) can be an indicator of abandonment.

 

[ili]

This is true.

We were told if our grandson stays out of his son's life, including paying no
support for a period of time he can be adopted if his mom remarries.

 

[stealth2]

We were told if our grandson stays out of his son's life, including paying no
support for a period of time he can be adopted if his mom remarries.

The operative word is INCLUDING. Abandonment INCLUDES no contact, no visitation, no letters, no phone calls, AND no support. ANY ONE OF THOSE is contact which means no abandonment.

 

[d8ddysgirl]

Not true. Not paying child support for a specified period of time (state specific) can be an indicator of abandonment.

Can you state the law the applies here. Or give me any indication of this. Time period for this state. I just spoke to a judge yesterday about a c/s case and parental rights. I have a case that the father hasnt paid in 10 years and the mom wants the stpe father to adopt. Judge said he will not terminate his rights because of a c/s non payment issue. That issue has to be delt with specific. So if you know something can can help the case I would love to know.

 

[stealth2]

Start a new thread, rather than hijacking this one.

 

[crkgrl75]

Hi Stealth2, thanks for th info. You don't happen to know anything specifically about those laws in Florida, do you? As I said earlier, he has had no contact whatsoever with her for about three years. He has NEVER sent a b-day card, Christmas card, gift of any kind or called to ask if she was even alive. He didn't even bother to make sure if she was okay after she had surgery!
He hasn't paid c/s since this past December, so it has been about 8 months. He is about 2700 dollars in the hole. The only reason he even paid that was because it was income deducted. He got tired of that, and quit his job to start working under the table so they couldn't get his pay and also couldn't get it from his income tax return as they had previously done. He has had absolutely nothing to do with her whatsoever in 3 years.
Even when we were at the same event twice a year, he would walk right past me and my children and not say one word to her or me. It was as if she didn't even exist! My ex-husband has taken care of her since she was 5 weeks old, even before we were back together. When her "father" didn't send her any money, my ex gave me extra money above his support for our two kids.