Step-parent adoption, bio dad consent, military

[Razelda]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii (Oahu)

My ex-husband (daughter's father, we will call him "A") and I were married in June 2008. June 2009 "A" and I welcomed our first and only child, however we had split in April 2009.

"A" was there during the birth, but (18 months later) he has only visited her one time. He does not send cards, emails, nor does he contact me via phone. He has consistently paid child support as required by the military and the CSEA.

I currently have sole legal and physical custody. "A" only has supervised visitation in my home.

"A" and I both moved on after that relationship fairly quickly. Our divorce was finalized April 2010 and by May 2010 we were both re-married. My new husband (we will call him "S") has been there since my daughter was approximately 3 weeks old. He has been the ONLY father she has ever known, and HE is the sole reason she knows the word "dada".

"A" (my ex-husband) contacted me tonight and informed me that he would like to relinquish his parental rights to our daughter. During our divorce this came up, and he'd declined to do it. But realistically speaking, it makes the most sense. He does not have a bond with her, he hasn't tried to have a bond with her, and we're both military families ("A" is Army, and my husband is Navy). We could be stationed opposites sides of the world.

The adoption will be consented. I am currently looking at the Hawaii Court website and there are various forms that can be used in an adoption, varying on the circumstance. I am not sure as to what the first step is that I am supposed to take here.

However, "A" has been very wishy-washy when it comes to our daughter and is consistently changing his mind. So I'd rather get started with this very quickly.

Please, if any of you have ever done a consented step-parent adoption and know what the process is PLEASE get back with me. This is by far the best Christmas present I could ever have, so I cannot wait to hear from you =).

"A" (ex-husband) and I were married when daughter was born. His name is on the birth certificate.

"S" (husband) and I are married. We've been married since May 2010.

"A" and "S", as well as myself, are all currently on island to fill out whatever paperwork is necessary.

Also, are there any special things/papers that we would need to do/sign being military? Thanks!

Please feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks,
"T"What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[WittyUserName]

You'll need a lawyer for this. Adoption is not a DIY project.

 

[Razelda]

You'll need a lawyer for this. Adoption is not a DIY project.

I understand that some people might feel this way, but I do not feel like we need a lawyer for this. I plan on contacting legal on base tomorrow as well as the court house in my district and getting some additional help here.

If the adoption were contested, I could see how getting an attorney is necessary. But I have spoken with my best friends Mom (who is an attorney in a different state) and she has informed me that once I figure out exactly what Hawaii requires it will not be a complicated situation.

Thanks

 

[Proserpina]

I understand that some people might feel this way, but I do not feel like we need a lawyer for this. I plan on contacting legal on base tomorrow as well as the court house in my district and getting some additional help here.

If the adoption were contested, I could see how getting an attorney is necessary. But I have spoken with my best friends Mom (who is an attorney in a different state) and she has informed me that once I figure out exactly what Hawaii requires it will not be a complicated situation.

Thanks

...so why are you here?

 

[Razelda]

...so why are you here?

As I said, the attorney cannot tell me what forms or any of that for my state. She knows NOTHING about Hawaii's adoption process. That is why I am here. I am just looking for someone that has been through relatively the same thing, in really any state. I am looking for experiences, and what other people went through.

Also, does anyone know if Hawaii has a waiting period? From what I am reading, they don't. But some states seem to require parents to be married 1-2 years before starting a step-parent adoption process.

 

[stealth2]

Seriously - speak with a local attorney well versed in adoption IN Hawaii.

 

[ecmst12]

It's not just that it's easier if you have a lawyer. It's that if you don't, you risk screwing up some small but essential thing, and having the adoption be invalid and not even know it! Your child's future is too important for that.

Taking the time to save up for the legal fees will also have the advantage of showing the judge and yourself that THIS marriage is going to stand the test of time. Once the adoption is final, your husband will be dad even if you get divorced, forever. So this decision isn't something you want to rush.

 

[mistoffolees]

As I said, the attorney cannot tell me what forms or any of that for my state. She knows NOTHING about Hawaii's adoption process.

I'm pretty sure that Hawaii has more than one attorney. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you can find at least 2 or 3 attorneys in Hawaii who know something about adoption.

If its uncontested, it shouldn't be terribly expensive, but you definitely need to be sure it's done properly - which is why you need an attorney.

 

[WittyUserName]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii (Oahu)

My ex-husband (daughter's father, we will call him "A") and I were married in June 2008. June 2009 "A" and I welcomed our first and only child, however we had split in April 2009.

"A" was there during the birth, but (18 months later) he has only visited her one time. He does not send cards, emails, nor does he contact me via phone. He has consistently paid child support as required by the military and the CSEA.

I currently have sole legal and physical custody. "A" only has supervised visitation in my home.

"A" and I both moved on after that relationship fairly quickly. Our divorce was finalized April 2010 and by May 2010 we were both re-married. My new husband (we will call him "S") has been there since my daughter was approximately 3 weeks old. He has been the ONLY father she has ever known, and HE is the sole reason she knows the word "dada".

"A" (my ex-husband) contacted me tonight and informed me that he would like to relinquish his parental rights to our daughter. During our divorce this came up, and he'd declined to do it. But realistically speaking, it makes the most sense. He does not have a bond with her, he hasn't tried to have a bond with her, and we're both military families ("A" is Army, and my husband is Navy). We could be stationed opposites sides of the world.

The adoption will be consented. I am currently looking at the Hawaii Court website and there are various forms that can be used in an adoption, varying on the circumstance. I am not sure as to what the first step is that I am supposed to take here.

However, "A" has been very wishy-washy when it comes to our daughter and is consistently changing his mind. So I'd rather get started with this very quickly.
Please, if any of you have ever done a consented step-parent adoption and know what the process is PLEASE get back with me. This is by far the best Christmas present I could ever have, so I cannot wait to hear from you =).

"A" (ex-husband) and I were married when daughter was born. His name is on the birth certificate.

"S" (husband) and I are married. We've been married since May 2010.

"A" and "S", as well as myself, are all currently on island to fill out whatever paperwork is necessary.

Also, are there any special things/papers that we would need to do/sign being military? Thanks!

Please feel free to ask any questions.

Thanks,
"T"What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

The bolded is why, in particular, you should be using an attorney. Law is a complicated legal process; do you really want to take the chance that Dad will have a change of heart down the road?

 

[milspecgirl]

Unless you are well versed in the legal aspects, adoption is not DIY. There are so many little things that can be put in there in error and end up making the adoption invalid. You may not even know it for many years and then it could be impossible to fix.
Plus, almost all judges want to see the stability of marriage for at least 1 year before granting an adoption.
If it is uncontested, it should be a fairly inexpensive thing.
Contact a couple of adoption atty's (most will give a free consult) and find out what they would charge, etc.
I promise- it is worth the money

There are a lot of things that we tell people they can do pro-se. But adoption is just not one of them

 

[Razelda]

The bolded is why, in particular, you should be using an attorney. Law is a complicated legal process; do you really want to take the chance that Dad will have a change of heart down the road?

If I don't get the process started soon, he could have a change of heart in the next month or so. That is the kind of person he is. Saving up 4 grand for an adoption attorney, when I have legal on my side, doesn't seem vital to me.

 

[Razelda]

Unless you are well versed in the legal aspects, adoption is not DIY. There are so many little things that can be put in there in error and end up making the adoption invalid. You may not even know it for many years and then it could be impossible to fix.
Plus, almost all judges want to see the stability of marriage for at least 1 year before granting an adoption.
If it is uncontested, it should be a fairly inexpensive thing.
Contact a couple of adoption atty's (most will give a free consult) and find out what they would charge, etc.
I promise- it is worth the money

There are a lot of things that we tell people they can do pro-se. But adoption is just not one of them

I am looking for help with the things I mentioned above. I really don't want to discuss the "shoulds and coulds" any more, and I simply wont respond to anymore of them. Thank you for understanding.

We know HOW we're going to be filing (on our own), we just need to know WHAT to file and we will likely know that after today.

I'd also like to talk to other people that have been in a similar situation, and if they're in Hawaii that is even better.

Thanks

 

[WittyUserName]

If I don't get the process started soon, he could have a change of heart in the next month or so. That is the kind of person he is. Saving up 4 grand for an adoption attorney, when I have legal on my side, doesn't seem vital to me.

You do NOT have legal on your side unless you are a lawyer or have hired one. The law is not about what you personally think is right/fair/legal. It's about being able to follow rules of civil procedure and interpret existing caselaw. You are acting like you're transferring a car title. It doesn't work that way. This is a person, not a possession.

I really do wish your child the best; attempting to do this without an attorney puts him/her at risk, and it's sad that no one cares enough to make sure this doesn't get screwed up.

 

[CSO286]

Start here:
Family Court Forms for O`ahu (First Judicial Circuit)


But seriously, OP....Try and listen to the wise people here. Do you really want to possibly screw up an adoption?

Think about it: You guys do this on your own, and lo and behold, in five years, something unfortunate should happen to you, and Stepdad find out that you guys didn't file form 2319 (come on --who follows the reference???) and he's not really Dad, because the adoption was not completed correctly.....

This isn't the place to take that kind of risk. Really.

 

[mistoffolees]

If I don't get the process started soon, he could have a change of heart in the next month or so. That is the kind of person he is. Saving up 4 grand for an adoption attorney, when I have legal on my side, doesn't seem vital to me.

You might want to see about finding an attorney who would consider a payment plan.