Step parent adoption- Birth mom won't consent

[rbw5147]

So maybe you didn't know this when you originally posted your question, but now you do. BOTTOM LINE--In order for you to adopt these children, Mom would have to lose her parental rights. So yes, in actuality, you ARE a step-mother trying to take away somebody else's child.

There very likely IS something that your husband can do to make it legal for you to sign SOME (no, not all) documents in his absence. Now you know that, also.

The 6 & 8 year olds "don't know a single nursery rhyme"? I'm not being a smart ass, but that is absolutely laughable. Did they go to day care or pre-school? Why not hold THEM responsible for that? Better yet, if Dad is the primary care taker, why not hold HIM responsible, for them not knowing about the 3 little pigs! You seriously say that's Mom's fault? Besides the fact, it doesn't matter!!

She had an affair? Well, apparently Dad CHOSE to accept that and then went on to have another child with Mom.

My 4 year old son is absolutely enthralled with the human body! He knows the entire anatomy of both women and men. Nobody is "encouraging" anything here. Speaking of, how do you know that Mom is encouraging her daughter to play with other people's breasts?

My 15 year old baby sat her half brother when he was 2. There is nothing wrong with that.

When my older children were younger, after repeatedly hearing (and witnessing) terrible, terrible things by their father and his family about me, were very preferential with their father. It completely broke my heart when I would see traces of fear or insecurity in their faces, when they were with me. They would "walk past me" and go straight to him. But you see, people change. My kids are 15 and 13 now. We live in different states and there is NOTHING they wouldn't do now, to spend more time with me. They love and trust me. They feel safe and secure with me. I have no idea if what you claim about Mom is factual, but just for the hell of it, maybe there are things that she could improve on. If what she say is true, I sincerely hope that she does.

It is a scary thing to "let go" and know that you don't have all the control over children that you love. Everybody here understands that. But that's the reality that you CHOSE to live in. Really, really, REALLY you need to stop questioning everything that Mom does, take a whole bunch of steps back, and let DAD take care of anything that HE doesn't like.

 

[Chameleon]

A power of attorney from dad is probably all that you are really looking for here.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for that, consulted a friend and he'd also suggested that.

 

[Chameleon]

[QUOTE=rbw5147;2493496how do you know that Mom is encouraging her daughter to play with other people's breasts?

She DIDN't encouraged her daughters to play with other people's breasts. She only encouraged them to play with HER breasts. The elder reluctant to do it, but Mom grabbed her hands and encouraged her to join her sister while she TOLD the younger: 'I like it'..

sigh... maybe I shouldn't bother so much

 

[stealth2]

The divorce was finalize in August 09.

<snip>

1) I'm a permanent resident of US, married to my husband 6mths, can I adopt my two step daughter now or have to wait longer?

So y'all got married straight after the divorce was final, eh? Uuuummm Is it safe to assume that you were dating prior to that? You know, while DAD was a married man? As in... having an affair? You were, in fact, committing adultery. Yet you have the unmitigated gall to castigate MOM for having an affair NINE years ago? You, my dear, are a piece of work and not exactly the best role model for two little girls your own self.

 

[cyjeff]

I also wonder.

If the children are in such bad shape and dad is the primary caregiver... why is their behavior mom's fault.....

Oops... saw that above. I echo the earlier poster's statement.

 

[rbw5147]

The examples you give.. the department store, the park. The girls are 6 & 8! Brought back fashbacks of the way WE, the 6 & 8 year daughters would torture our mother running away, hiding and stuff. Nevermind that. Again, you don't agree with her parenting. It doesn't matter. Those things prove nothing.


Is somebody following Mom or is somebody interrogating these girls to find out everything that happens at Mom's? I really hope not. Kids seek approval and acceptance, ESPECIALLY in situations like these. What eventually happens (alot of the time) in these situations, is that the child starts to think that when they repeat things to the other parent, they are getting the other parent in "trouble." Then they stop talking and begin keep everything to themselves. Years ago, I called CPS after, on more than one occasion, my kids told me on that arguements between their Dad and SM, were ending with literally, "blood on the walls." After CPS began their investigation, the kids were told by their Dad and step mother, that "if they told the truth, they would be taken away and given to strangers." They were told that nobody knew where I lived and they would never see me again. Yeah, they lied. Then they stopped talking. It's taken years for them to feel safe to talk to both of their parents.


I don't want to be insulting. It is just so mind blowing that while you are pointing all your fingers (and toes) at Mom, you can't see what you, yourself are doing. These girls are stuck in the middle of a bad situation. But from all you've said, I'm not so sure that the worse part of the situation is as much Mom, as it is you.


(Sigh) yes, maybe you shouldn't try so hard.

 

[AHA]

Oh no, I smell some fire here! I think some people are too FOCUS on 'terminate her parental rights', which I didn't even mention here. Perhaps my massage struck them: Not a STEP-MOTHER again, trying to take away somebody else's child!

Please note my first and foremost priority is those girls, I'm concern in the event of an emergency, I'm legal to sign consent for any treatment..

My husband and I would've think of some other solutions if is not the mother's irresponsibility to those girls. She fully understand that she has no ability to take care of them. Not now, not even before the divorced. That's why she gave up custody!

The elder daughter's biological father is not my husband. Ex cheated and got herself pregnant with another man. She tried abortion but was caught by my husband. She denied at first, but couldn't hid the truth when the baby was born 100% Asian(ex & man are Asian). It was my husband who raised the baby since she was born, he was working at home at that time due to the mother couldn't even change her diaper! That's why she's a daddy's girl now.

Later, ex started leaving the house working when the younger daughter was 1 1/2yrs old, left the girls(older was 3yrs old) with their 15yrs old step brother. The house was turned upside down every night when my husband came home!

She left the girls by themselves in her apartment or left them with her friends and went to work during her parenting time, sometimes brought them to her massage parlor! She encouraged the kids to play with her breasts, we found out when the younger daughter started to rub her cousin's and my breasts in a licentious look in her face. And she could even show you how to give a full body massage!

At first I was shocked every time the girls passed their mother, just like she's transparent, approached their father for any needs. It is a very sad situation to me, she is ignorant just about anything! She hasn't got a clue in life, worst of all, how to be a mother!

All those years she'd moved in and out the house several times, she'd never reallybeen in their life. Now, you'll be surprised when you know a 6 & 8yrs old don't even know a single nursery rhymes.

My husband and I are very stressful over the kids are in danger whenever they are with her. She'll leave them running in the park when she dozed off on the bench, let them lose in the departmental store while she's doing her shopping, the girls panicked looking for her once! We have to worry she would transmit some sort of diseases to the girls because of the nature of her job.

What would come to your mind when your children have to walk to school in bad weather(weather forecast it would be storm)? Would you still snug comfortably in bed acting like it's not you business? She's would! Is this so call mother's love?

I'm not exaggerating, I know it's hard to believe, but above all are base on true facts.

Now, I wonder what would people think if they were to put themselves in our shoes..

Apparently hubby is fine with how his kids are being raised (and have been for years!!), so if he isn't bothered about the situation, you need to leave it alone since they're not your kids.