Step-parent Adoption MN

[RRevak]

To answer your first question yes, the process of a step-parent adoption takes months. There will be hoops you will have to jump through such as evaluations with a therapist, and hoops she will have to jump through along with the potential step/new parent. Ours was non contested at first and was already into the 6month mark before he changed his mind. Granted that's here in sunny FL but I can't imagine it being much faster where you are. Its not something ANY court takes lightly so they aren't going to get papers on their desks and stamp them with complete over night. If you're serious about going through with this then you're going to have to be patient and comply with all of the courts wishes.

Second: On a more personal note I find it deplorable that you seem to truly believe this is a viable solution to your problem. You may not feel as if you have many rights at this point but at least you HAVE rights to your child. Once this goes through, and everything is said and done, you will have ZERO rights...not a few, not a little, NONE. Last time I checked something was much better than nothing. You REALLY need to sit down and think LONG and hard about what you're about to go through and ask yourself if this is really whats best for your child. To be given to someone else like a puppy simply because you're angry will eventually give your child the message that they weren't worth it to you. If you think they're gonna come around when they're 18 and everything is gonna be roses and champagne, and they have the the full understanding that you gave them to someone else, I'm betting money that dream is gonna die...quickly. REALLY think about what you're doing.

 

[EmmeRose]

In response to RRevak:

First: Thank you for the quick response. That is very helpful.

Second: In response to your second question, she wants it and she will do whatever it takes to keep me away from my child. I can't keep going to court after court just to hear them say "Ma'am you need to let him see _____" "Okay Judge, I will allow him to see her." Right afterwards, I get a "yeah right" or "that'll never happen" phone call/email. I can't keep living like this. Our daughter is so young and she doesn't understand that "D-bag" (that's what she calls me) is really her father and "Daddy" isn't. I can't have her in the middle of this.
If only you could sit into one of court hearing or better yet, listen to our phone calls. I just need to move on because there is nothing else I can do.

 

[CaCO3Girl]

FYI: The one year rule for being married is arbitrary, it is not a law in most places it is just what a Judge wants to see to make them feel better. For comparison, it is not neccasary to be current on your child support in order to be granted custody of a child, but Judges sure do like to see that you have been keeping up with your obligation.

Also, has anyone pointed out to you that even if you allow this man to adopt your child you MIGHT still have to pay child support? Has anyone explained to you that by signing your agreement to the adoption you give up ALL rights to the child, if mom turns out to be a crack whore next month and new adoptive dad is beating the crud out of the child you LITERALLY have no physical standing with the court and can't even ask for them to let you have the child, you will be a legal stranger. The mother will not have to allow you access to the child in any way shape or form, no phone calls, no visits, if you send her a birthday card that could be grounds for a restraining order!

Your choice if this is the route you want but I would make sure I understood in fine detail what all I was about to give up, and what I might still be on the hook for.

And by the way, I filed to adopt my step son in April of 2011, and it FINALLY got to a Judge on 5/14/12, and that was with no objections from bio mom or the state or anyone....these things take time.

 

[Ohiogal]

FYI: The one year rule for being married is arbitrary, it is not a law in most places it is just what a Judge wants to see to make them feel better. For comparison, it is not neccasary to be current on your child support in order to be granted custody of a child, but Judges sure do like to see that you have been keeping up with your obligation.

Also, has anyone pointed out to you that even if you allow this man to adopt your child you MIGHT still have to pay child support? Has anyone explained to you that by signing your agreement to the adoption you give up ALL rights to the child, if mom turns out to be a crack whore next month and new adoptive dad is beating the crud out of the child you LITERALLY have no physical standing with the court and can't even ask for them to let you have the child, you will be a legal stranger. The mother will not have to allow you access to the child in any way shape or form, no phone calls, no visits, if you send her a birthday card that could be grounds for a restraining order!

Your choice if this is the route you want but I would make sure I understood in fine detail what all I was about to give up, and what I might still be on the hook for.

And by the way, I filed to adopt my step son in April of 2011, and it FINALLY got to a Judge on 5/14/12, and that was with no objections from bio mom or the state or anyone....these things take time.

Please cite the law that would require him to pay child support after someone else ADOPTS the child and his rights are terminated.

 

[EmmeRose]

CaCO3Girl - Besides what Ohiogal just said, you know nothing about the court system. I read some of your posts and in your case, it most likely took over a year because although the bio-mom didn't object, she didn't do anything. She never signed paperwork, never showed up to court etc. Please leave the comments on other people's threads to the more knowledgeable. Thanks.

 

[EmmeRose]

I just got an email from her yesterday saying "I've submitted the paperwork to my lawyer but the process can't continue because I don't have enough money." I told her that I'm paying my part, I'm still paying CS and not seeing my kid. She hasn't responded back but I'm thinking that I should tell her that if she really does need money for this, I should pay her lawyer directly, not her.

Does that sound appropriate? I don't know the legality of it, but could I email her lawyer and ask how much she has yet to pay since we are technically both parties in this adoption? Or could her lawyer just say "That is all confidential information that I cannot give out." I would like a few thoughts on it before I email her lawyer.

Thanks!

 

[ecmst12]

Her lawyer is not going to talk to you. You can't force this to happen.

 

[EmmeRose]

Okay, thank you. Then I guess she will just have to come up with the money herself. I don't trust her enough to just send her a check in hopes she uses it for her lawyer fees.

 

[EmmeRose]

I decided to email her lawyer because my ex has decided to ignore me. Low and behold, I get not one but two emails from her lawyer the same day. The first answering my questions that I asked of her and the second saying that she will be mailing me out the paperwork hopefully by the end of next week.
So, it didn't hurt to ask her lawyer. She could have just ignored my emails but instead was very nice and answered my questions.

 

[EmmeRose]

Some Questions

I got the paperwork in the mail today. It is only 3 pages long, the first just a quick letter from her lawyer and the other two is what I have to get signed. I am going to type them up below because there are some parts I'm not sure if I'm understanding it.

Letter from lawyer:
Dear XXXXX,
Enclosed for your signature, please find the Consent of Parent to Adoption and Waiver of Notice of Adoption Hearing. Please sign and date this form only in front of a notary public and two witnesses and forward it back to my office as soon as possible. Thank you.

Consent of Parent to Adoption and Waiver of Notice of Adoption Hearing
I, XXXXXX, being first duly sworn upon oath, depose and state as follows:

1. I was born on XXXX in the year XXXX, I am currently XX years of age and reside at XX in the city of XX, county of XX, state of XX.

2. I am the parent of XX a child who was born on XX in the county of XX in the state of XX.

3. Of my own free will, and with a view to the future welfare of my child, and in the presence of two competent witnesses, I, XXXX, hearby consent to the adoption of XXXXX by petitioner and stepparent XXXX.

4. I hearby waive notice of any and all hearings now and hereafter related to the adoption of said child.

5. I understand that I may, for any reason, withdraw this consent to adoption within the next ten (10) working days from the date this consent is signed by me.

6. I further understand that if I decide to withdraw my consent, my withdrawal of my consent must be in writing no later than the tenth (10th) working day to the following address of the courts in XXX county.

7. I understand that my consent will be irrevocable after the tenth (10th) day unless a court later rules that consent was obtained by fraud.

Notice:
Petitioner will submit your consent to adoption to the court. The consent itself does not terminate your parental rights. Parental rights to a child may be terminated only by an adoption decree or by a court order terminating parental rights. Unless the child is adopted or your parental rights are terminated, you may be asked to support the child.

That is everything. My questions are, does this all seem accurate and correct? To me it does but I've never trusted her lawyer before, why should I really trust her now? The other thing, I see in the notice that it says that the petitioner is the one to submit it to the courts. Does she had a deadline to do that or can she literally wait months to submit it? Number 4 and the title of the paperwork is "waiver of notice of adoption hearing." How will I know if everything is going to go through if I can't receive notice of it? Thank you.

 

[EmmeRose]

And another question

I'm supposed to mail this to her lawyer. When do the courts get it? How do I know that she is ever going to mail this in? Technically her lawyer can just throw it away and just pretend everything and according to the paperwork I will never know if she's been adopted or not? Would the child support billing be the only way I know if it's gone through or not?

I really don't want to sign something that I think is binding when really it's not seeing as though I'm supposed to mail it back to her lawyer, not send it to the courts.

 

[TheGeekess]

I'm supposed to mail this to her lawyer. When do the courts get it? How do I know that she is ever going to mail this in? Technically her lawyer can just throw it away and just pretend everything and according to the paperwork I will never know if she's been adopted or not? Would the child support billing be the only way I know if it's gone through or not?

I really don't want to sign something that I think is binding when really it's not seeing as though I'm supposed to mail it back to her lawyer, not send it to the courts.

Dude. Fill out the paperwork. Make a couple of copies for your records. Send it back to her attorney via certified mail, return receipt.

 

[EmmeRose]

But will I receive any notice of the adoption?
And after I fill this out and send it to her lawyer, does that automatically not allow me to see my child anymore? I don't want them stalling this indefinitely if I still have to pay child support and am not able to see my child. If say, come September, nothing has happened and I'm still paying child support, am I allowed to see my daughter?

 

[EmmeRose]

Does anyone know the answers to my questions? Thank you!

I'm supposed to mail this to her lawyer. When do the courts get it? How do I know that she is ever going to mail this in? Technically her lawyer can just throw it away and just pretend everything and according to the paperwork I will never know if she's been adopted or not? Would the child support billing be the only way I know if it's gone through or not?

But will I receive any notice of the adoption?
And after I fill this out and send it to her lawyer, does that automatically not allow me to see my child anymore? I don't want them stalling this indefinitely if I still have to pay child support and am not able to see my child. If say, come September, nothing has happened and I'm still paying child support, am I allowed to see my daughter?

 

[RRevak]

Does anyone know the answers to my questions? Thank you!

You will have to go before a judge for the final portion of the adoption so yes, you will be aware of the adoption completion. If you owe arrears mom will have the option to either wave them or continue to receive an amount until the arrears are paid off (that is, if mom is not receiving any form of state aid. If she is you will then owe the state the portion of any arrears). Until the time a judge deems the adoption complete you are fully capable of seeing your child and paying support per your court order. Once the adoption is complete you will have no rights to see or speak to the child unless mom decides you are allowed.