Stupid question

[nebraskafan]

Virginia

Question about new boyfriends/girlfriends...If found in a situation where the new SO makes comments about our child's weight, character...bascially anything that would lead to a lower self-view, is it appropriate to request no contact with the new SO? For the record, I have requested the ex reign in the new SO, but the comments continue.

Maybe I'm out of my mind here. Maybe there is no recourse, just curious.

 

[nebraskafan]

Ummmm...ok thanks

Nevermind.

 

[Isis1]

Nevermind.

impatient much?

gez, it's a sunday. even i don't live here all day


recourse, no. but you can teach daughter how to deal with people when they say things that may hurt her feelings.

 

[nebraskafan]

Not impatient...not at alll..ususally. I do try to tell her to deal as best she can but the question is should she have to? This is not her dad, this is some other entity. I don't have my bf around and if i did, i would never let him speak to her in that manner.

 

[Isis1]

Not impatient...not at alll..ususally. I do try to tell her to deal as best she can but the question is should she have to? This is not her dad, this is some other entity. I don't have my bf around and if i did, i would never let him speak to her in that manner.

three mean girls on the playground call her a nerd. what do you tell your daughter when she tells you?

 

[nebraskafan]

I tell her to ignore them or defend herself. This isn't another child on the playground. This is an adult. Huge difference...

 

[nebraskafan]

Ignore it would be like telling my child she should ignore me if i treat her that way. I think normally that would be emotional abuse. I don't prescribe to that method of rearing..maybe you think it's ok. I don't

 

[WittyUserName]

Dad sucks for not stepping in. But it is legally allowable to be an idiot. So there probably isn't a legal solution.

 

[LdiJ]

You could put your child into counseling to help her learn coping mechanisms for dealing with dad's new SO.

 

[Isis1]

I tell her to ignore them or defend herself. This isn't another child on the playground. This is an adult. Huge difference...

so you refuse to teach your daughter to speak up? talk to an adult such as a teacher?

how about telling your daughter to talk to dad about it? was that absolutely NOWHERE on your radar as a parent?

 

[thedoctorisin]

You could put your child into counseling to help her learn coping mechanisms for dealing with dad's new SO.

I've found this to be very effective in helping my daughter to cope with the problems caused by my ex-wife and her family.

 

[licia2122]

Wouldn't this be considered a form of child abuse? Clearly it's affecting your daughter, maybe a talk with you her and dad without his SO around could help.

 

[Ohiogal]

Wouldn't this be considered a form of child abuse? Clearly it's affecting your daughter, maybe a talk with you her and dad without his SO around could help.

Not necessarily. Depends exactly on what is being said, how it is being said, and various other things.

 

[nebraskafan]

Thank you for all for your replies.

This is a line - a tricky, tricky line. I can't go and try to control a situation, which is why I was asking you all. I'm not sure the lay of the land so to speak. I have tried to talk to him about it and my daughter is in therapy to learn how to speak up. Yes, she can "speak up" to me and to her teachers if she feels that something is unfair or unwarranted. However, her father is the one person whose approval she seeks so talking to him about what she finds as an issue with his new SO is hard for her to do. I'm trying to look at it from her point of view. This should not be hard on her - me and him ...sure...her?? never. And that means him checking the SO.

Sorry if you don't agree with me.

 

[nebraskafan]

And in all fairness Isabella - my post said ignore or defend. Yes, she knows how to speak up. I feel very uneasy about your replies as they seem geared toward anger. Nowhere have I used caps with you. Please do not do it to me. Thanks.