Support/Custody Options

[mwil80]

What is the name of your state? Idaho

My girlfriend and I both live in idaho, however she still claims Minnesota as her official residence. She's 5 weeks pregnant, and things in our relationship are falling apart. I want to be a father (heck, I wanna marry her) , but it looks like she wants to have and raise the kid in minnesota, thus ending our relationship. Neither one of us wants to hurt the other one -- so here's my question -- Would it be possible to get a legally binding statement drawn up that would say that she agrees not to sue for child support if I don't try to take custody? I didn't want to have a child in the first place, and it was completely her decision to not have an abortion. 1400 miles could potentially separate me from my kid, and I'd like to safeguard myself if the mother decides to be selfish. Help please!

 

[itsallgood]

Oh boy

do YOU have a lot to learn.



I can't believe you came right out and asked for advice about 'selling' the rights to your child.




..........I didn't want to have a child in the first place........>>>>>>>>>SO? Then why did you sleep with her??????

.......and it was completely her decision to not have an abortion........>>>>>>>>as it should be; it is her body.

1400 miles could potentially separate me from my kid, >>>>>>>>but it's a lot closer than the abortion would have left you.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

and I'd like to safeguard myself if the mother decides to be selfish>>>>>>>>>>>>>asking for support for a child is NOT selfish. SELLING your child in lieu of support IS.

So; you didn't want the baby; couldn't kill the baby; and now don't want to pay for the baby........

I'd say the 1400 miles that will be between you and the baby are not enough.

 

[wenwas]

Q: Would it be possible to get a legally binding statement drawn up that would say that she agrees not to sue for child support if I don't try to take custody?
A: no. no judge would even look at that contract.

Q: I didn't want to have a child in the first place, and it was completely her decision to not have an abortion.
A: then you should of kept your pants zipped up.

Q: I'd like to safeguard myself if the mother decides to be selfish
A: Selfish by wanting you to help support a child you helped create. OMG that child needs support and love from both parents. grow up

 

[stealth2]

Nope, you can't do it. I would suggest you insist on a DNA test as soon as the child is born to make sure it's yours, tho. I know, I know - it couldn't *possibly* be anyone else's because you were both so in luuuuuv. So much so that you're breaking up 5 weeks after creating a child. Get a paternity test.

Once you are found to be the father, you each have the right to file for custody, support, visitation. Both you and the mother have the obligation to support your child, and neither of you may sign that obligation away.

I do find your positions somewhat contradictory, tho. You want to be a father, you sound annoyed that she decided not to abort, you want to sign away rights to avoid paying support. Which of those three is not like the others?

Time to grow up, son. That baby'll be here before you know it, and you'll have to stand up to your responsibilities. It's up to you whether you want the child to know you as nothing more than a sperm donor, or if you want to be a Daddy in every sense of the word.

 

[mwil80]

Thanks, I needed that (seriously)

Yes, I should have kept my pants zipped. So, here's the next question then: if you, kind readers, could ignore my previous desire for an abortion and consider the facts of the case, what would be the odds I could get custody? FACTS: I'm college educated, with a good job, spotless credit, with plenty of loving, helping family. FACTS: She hasn't finished high school (23 years old), just filed for bankruptcy, and her only family is her dad. She hasn't worked in over a year.

So what are the odds that I'll actually get to take responsibility for my actions instead of just paying for the mother to smoke cigarettes and play with her friends?

 

[hexeliebe]

Everything you have posted about your two situations have absolutely nothing to do with custody.

You better not even think about gaining custody of a newborn until a few years from now. At least not Sole Legal Custody.

More realistic would be Joint Legal and Residential custody.

But my first advice (o.k. as the uncle with a big boot up your ass) is to go right now to parenting classes, with or without GF. I don't give a rat's ass how many loving and supporting 'members' of your family you have. That child has only one DADDY!

 

[stealth2]

Well, you should expect that she will move back to Minnesota. She is perfectly free to do so until the baby is born and paternity is proven. Once the baby is born, the state she is living in will hold jurisdiction. So you can plan on having to follow Minnesota laws.

The likelihood of a court giving custody of a newborn to the father is pretty slim, barring your ability to prove her unfit. And you're gonna have trouble doing that. Okay, she's young, unemployed, and smokes. And broke. But that didn't stop you from having her as your girlfriend, or from sleeping with her. By doing so, you accepted her as she is. As a potential mother to your potential child. And in all honesty - while being young, unemployed, smoking and being broke aren't great - they're not indicative of what type of parent a person is.

My advice to you? I'd follow her back to Minnesota, stay involved in the pregnancy. As soon as she gives birth, get on the birth certificate and file for a paternity test - which will give you standing as the legal father. And then file for joint custody of the child.

Oh, and get a lawyer for the above. Good luck, Dad.

 

[hexeliebe]

And you'd better damn well support BOTH that girl and that child if you are found to be the legal father. If you are as sorry about your earlier comments as you would have us believe, now is the time to start proving it, not to this forum but to that child.

 

[mwil80]

Thank you again. I'll be back if I get any more questions. In the meantime, I hope you have a Happy New Year, at least as good as possible. (I read about your problems stealth2, that sucks.)
I'll be sitting on a train going to Minnesota so i can go to her first pregnancy doctor appointment with her. (And yes, I've already started getting and reading pregnancy books, because I desperately want this to work out with her, and there's still a chance.)

 

[Ms. Jumpstart]

Re: Oh boy

do YOU have a lot to learn.
I CANNOT BELIEVE IT EITHER!! 1400 MILES ISN'T NEARLY ENOUGH!!


I can't believe you came right out and asked for advice about 'selling' the rights to your child.




..........I didn't want to have a child in the first place........>>>>>>>>>SO? Then why did you sleep with her??????

.......and it was completely her decision to not have an abortion........>>>>>>>>as it should be; it is her body.

1400 miles could potentially separate me from my kid, >>>>>>>>but it's a lot closer than the abortion would have left you.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

and I'd like to safeguard myself if the mother decides to be selfish>>>>>>>>>>>>>asking for support for a child is NOT selfish. SELLING your child in lieu of support IS.

So; you didn't want the baby; couldn't kill the baby; and now don't want to pay for the baby........

I'd say the 1400 miles that will be between you and the baby are not enough.