Takin child out of state (no parenting plan) Yet!

[shieldsfirst]

What is the name of your state? Washington state

Here's my question....

My girlfriend and I have been together about 8 months, and want to continue dating for as long as we mutually want. But...She has a child with another man, and is married to him also. The marrige was arranged and she regrets it, they have been seperated for about 9-12 months. We live in washington, but i am getting ready to go to college in california. I want her to come, and of course, the son must come also (they go together). Both myself and the child have a geat relationship and ive been helping her raise the child; from 1 1/2 to 2+ years. The father still lives at home, pays nearly nothing, like 100 bucks all year, and lets his mom take care of the child when he's supposed tp be visiting the father. he does spend some time, but its more to look like hes doing something. he's never gonna give up rights, but hes a horrible example for the child and does as little as possible. I am hoping to start a family with her and the child one day, but we first need to get the divorse and child custody matters solved. and input on having her come with me. a side note, i have been providing the stable living environment for her and the child for. and plan on being the higher wage earner and plan on providing everything for her and the child. I know i have no rights really, but her and i want to raise the child and potentially have our own. what should i do, or what should i research more on.

thanks

stephen

 

[stealth2]

Well...... Mom needs to get divorced, for starters. She can try to get the court to allow her to move the child out of state, but I wouldn't be holding my breath since Dad is involved (regardless what either of you think of his involvement). It's also unlikely that a court will TPR against his consent.

 

[VeronicaGia]

She is asking for trouble. If nothing is filed yet, he could immediately file in WA for custody and she would have to return the child.

You see, SHE can move anywhere she wants, the child comes under the jurisdiction of the court.

 

[shieldsfirst]

i'm kinda getting the feeling she's gonna be stuck to this loser forever. There is really is no need for him in the childs life, or hers. he's just a spermdoner for lack of better discription. Is there any way to let the court know his lack of involvment, and that he doesnt support his son and that the mom wishes to raise the child in a more suitable living environment. its so frustrating knowing that a "bead-beat" father can keep his son from havin a decent life because he doesnt wanna look bad or pay child support or any of that. I wanna give both the mother and son a comfortable life elsewere.

 

[stealth2]

i'm kinda getting the feeling she's gonna be stuck to this loser forever. There is really is no need for him in the childs life, or hers. he's just a spermdoner for lack of better discription. Is there any way to let the court know his lack of involvment, and that he doesnt support his son and that the mom wishes to raise the child in a more suitable living environment. its so frustrating knowing that a "bead-beat" father can keep his son from havin a decent life because he doesnt wanna look bad or pay child support or any of that. I wanna give both the mother and son a comfortable life elsewere.

Oooooooooh how sweeeeeeeeeeeeet of you! However, your honey chose this guy to father her kid. Now she's stuck with him until he (a) voluntarily walks away, (b) is proven unfit to have any contact whatsoever in a courtt of law or (c) dies. The "need" for him to be in the child's life is that the child is half him. He contributed DNA to the creation of the child BY MOMMY'S CHOICE. You don't get to excise him from the child's life. Sorry! Mommy should have considered his suitability before she had sex with him.

 

[shieldsfirst]

actually it was an unplanned pregnanacy at 17 years old. the marriage was arranged shortly after they found out she was preg. So pretty much i should think about movin on and findin another women if i ever wanna move to another state other than WA....wow how depressing.

 

[shieldsfirst]

I didnt think once u have a child with someone ur stuck with them for life. how to people have there own lives if they dont wanna live near the other parent, or dont want anything to do with them. what about if she gets divorsed and i merry her...because really im wanting to move to paradise and enjoy the good life and give her and the kid a lil taste of "the good life"...she grew up poor, the husband has nothing, never will, and cant offer his son anything....does the judge care if i'm supporting the child?

 

[CJane]

I didnt think once u have a child with someone ur stuck with them for life. how to people have there own lives if they dont wanna live near the other parent, or dont want anything to do with them. what about if she gets divorsed and i merry her...because really im wanting to move to paradise and enjoy the good life and give her and the kid a lil taste of "the good life"...she grew up poor, the husband has nothing, never will, and cant offer his son anything....does the judge care if i'm supporting the child?

That whole 'til death do us part' thing is NEVER more true than when children are involved. My husband and I are divorced, but we're part of each other forever because we share two amazing children. That's the way life works.

Occasionally, the court will allow a parent to move away with a child. IF that parent is willing to provide for visitation (usually by paying ALL transportation costs) on a regular basis. The father isn't obligated to pay child support if they're still married, and just happen to be living apart. If she wants $$, she needs to file for divorce, custody, and child support.

On a personal note, ask yourself WHY, if she really wants to be with you, she's remained married for the past 8 months.

 

[stealth2]

actually it was an unplanned pregnanacy at 17 years old. the marriage was arranged shortly after they found out she was preg.

Sweetheart. Planned or not - your chickie had sex with this guy. That funny thing known as Biology kicked in. At 17, she surely knew the potential consequences of sex. So she thought he'd be a good enough Daddy if that happened. Now she has to live with it. So do you - and you cannot just shut Dad out 'cause you don't think he's good enough.

 

[curiouscat623]

That whole 'til death do us part' thing is NEVER more true than when children are involved. My husband and I are divorced, but we're part of each other forever because we share two amazing children. That's the way life works.

Occasionally, the court will allow a parent to move away with a child. IF that parent is willing to provide for visitation (usually by paying ALL transportation costs) on a regular basis. The father isn't obligated to pay child support if they're still married, and just happen to be living apart. If she wants $$, she needs to file for divorce, custody, and child support.

On a personal note, ask yourself WHY, if she really wants to be with you, she's remained married for the past 8 months.

That's false. You can file for support if you're seperated.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

OK heres the deal! YES having a child bonds two people for at least 18 years! Why this is a difficult concept for you I don't understand. And dad has A RIGHT to have his child near him by your own admission he does see his child and has every right to continue to do so!!!!! YOU are not daddy if you want to be a great step-dad more power to you but plan on doing it in WA. You may be able to get dad to agree to the move (do it in writing) this is your only shot b/c the Courts are not likley to take you opinion on dads parenting skills into consideration.


Just think what if someone was trying to move your child away from you, my hubby's ex did it and it the judge penalized her by changing visitation from EOW to 50/50 physical custody (not to mention the drop from $400 to $3 a month CS).

And I have heard it cost more than one parent total custody.

Dads rights are not up to you or mom they are his and he has every right to exercise them and if he were to post on here I would tell him to fight for 50/50 leagal and physical custody and possibly sole to keep him away from you that child WILL resent your snobbish judgemental opinion someday.

 

[nextwife]

Mister, when a person has "family obligations" in a given location, those obligations MUST be taken into consideration when any future plans are hatched. And anyone who hooks up with someone who has such obligations better realize that those obligations come first when considering such moves.

When I married my hubby he moved HERE because I was unable to relocate. He loved me and so, planned accordingly. Yes, he might make more money in a different part of the country (but, of course living elsewhere would also cost more), but there are OTHER more important considerations - like family responsibility. More money doesn't always translate into "better" for a child. I'd rather, for example, be able to have jobs that allow us flexibility to be involved with all our child's activities than have a higher paying, more time consuming, inflexible career. So what if I drive an older, used paid-off car instead of a pricey, gas guzzling SUV with a correspondingly big monthly payment? Kiddo gets to have both parents at all her events.

Our kids are only kids a short time. They need their parents around and involved. A step parent is NOT a substitute for an involved parent.

 

[shieldsfirst]

I'm not trying to take the kid from his father, but if you observed the situation from an outside looking in like i am, u wouldnt dare let a child be with the father. He cant even take care of himself, thats why he lives with mommy and daddy....they raise his kid, take care of him, pay for the childs dipers and things. He honestly cares more about himself...ie speding all his tax returns on what, meth, instead of his kid. and yes the mom spent her half on the child. He's not a horrible person, hes just not fit to raise a child. and thats not an opinion, anyone who knows that family's invloved see's it clear as day. And no, more money doesnt equate to more happiness for the child, but kids cost money, lots in fact, I know ive gone through about 250K of my moms. The child does not deserve a father who refused to support his son. I dont wish to take the kid from the father, i just think that a 20 year old boy who has his parents raise the child should let someone else who can provide for the child do so. The child and i have a great relationship...actually i see the kid and spend more time with him than the father...he asks for me, even at the fathers parents house, wich they hate. I dont have a problem living in WA, if thats what it takes for me to bw with both the mom and son, i just hate seeing a innocent child who doesnt understand whats going on have such a hard first couple years. he didnt ask to be born.

 

[withonel]

Talk w/your GF ... it's her move

You asked what you should do, you can't really do anything. Your GF needs to file for divorce, custody and child support. You're going on and on about who the child should be with, blah, blah, blah. If the dad is such a loser he won't object to the divorce, move, etc. If he does object your are subject to the decisions made by the court. Step one is to get the paperwork filed, preferably before the dad finds out she wants to move and files himself.

 

[shieldsfirst]

She wont be moving yet, i have a year of schooling in san fran before her and I really start our lives so to speak. Yes it is her move, but she wants rid of him so bad...she wants her son to know hes love by both parents, but is affraid of the bad example the father will be as he gets older. He doesnt think or know about her moving becuase shes not right away. I'm not to worried about whats hes gonna do, he doesnt have enough money to his name to by a pack of cigerettes let alone attorney fees, paperwork fee's ect. How old does a child/kid have to be before he can say who he wants to live with. the only reason im finding all this info out and doing the research is that all of this will be on my dollar. And even if they court still allows him to be apart of the childs life, which im sure they will concidering how f*cked up the judicial system is these days, im still gonna drag that boy through the mud out of principal. if hes not gonna pay for his son, im gonna make him pay elsewhere.