Takin child out of state (no parenting plan) Yet!

[withonel]

A child doesn't usually make those decisions

My experience has been that children do not get to say where they live. In fact, in my opinion, it is unfair and damaging to the child to put him in the position of choosing. Your GF needs to file for divorce, ask for custody, and see what the court says from there. She may find that she asks for full custody, no visitation, reasonable support, the ex doesn't respond, the order is entered and she can be rid of him. If he responds, it will be up to the judge to make the final decision as to the level of involvement for the child's father. You and the child's mother are not married so you have no legal standing in this at all. If you choose to foot the bill for her legal fees that's your choice, however, the court will make decisions based on the best interest of the child.

PARENTS are supposed to take care of children not let children make ADULT decisions.

 

[shieldsfirst]

a side note....what if they father, being still married to my GF, has a child with another women, and the other women said that he will have no involvment in that new childs life. becuase sadly enough it happened, he had a child with another women while still married...would the court look at that. Also what if they child does make a decision, not when asked, but says that he would rather live with his mom and I, does that have any weight in the whole matter.

 

[bradybunchmom]

dont worry about hubbys affair its not your concern

thats not your business. thats between your gf,her husband and the other woman, and no concern of yours. the child cannot choose to live with anyone else besides the cp untill he is 18-bottom line.

 

[Rushia]

My experience has been that children do not get to say where they live. In fact, in my opinion, it is unfair and damaging to the child to put him in the position of choosing. Your GF needs to file for divorce, ask for custody, and see what the court says from there. She may find that she asks for full custody, no visitation, reasonable support, the ex doesn't respond, the order is entered and she can be rid of him. If he responds, it will be up to the judge to make the final decision as to the level of involvement for the child's father. You and the child's mother are not married so you have no legal standing in this at all. If you choose to foot the bill for her legal fees that's your choice, however, the court will make decisions based on the best interest of the child.

PARENTS are supposed to take care of children not let children make ADULT decisions.

Even if they were married, this guy would have no legal standing. The only way he would ever gain any is if the father TPR's and this guy adopts the child. Otherwise, I agree with the rest of this post.

 

[shieldsfirst]

I dont need any standing, im not intersted in officially being the father at this point...I just dont thnk that becuase someone has a child that they are ready to be a parent....none of you moms woul let your child be raised by a man who refuses to pay for the child, teaches bad habits, does not teach respect to women, ie chosing to be non minogimus relationship...oh yea, and has a drug problem...this is a matter of morals. and the worst part is that most of this cant even be proved to the courts. the child doesnt deserve this and its only a matter of years before the child forms his own opinion about his father. I was 10-12 years old when i realized my father wasnt a good father, and did not deserve my mom either...I did something about it and had him removed....perminently...and legally. It seems that though im just gonna have to let things be, and take matters into my hands by being the provider and the stability...im sure after the father sees his inadiquecy he will give in.

 

[Rushia]

I dont need any standing, im not intersted in officially being the father at this point...I just dont thnk that becuase someone has a child that they are ready to be a parent....none of you moms woul let your child be raised by a man who refuses to pay for the child, teaches bad habits, does not teach respect to women, ie chosing to be non minogimus relationship...oh yea, and has a drug problem...this is a matter of morals. and the worst part is that most of this cant even be proved to the courts. the child doesnt deserve this and its only a matter of years before the child forms his own opinion about his father. I was 10-12 years old when i realized my father wasnt a good father, and did not deserve my mom either...I did something about it and had him removed....perminently...and legally. It seems that though im just gonna have to let things be, and take matters into my hands by being the provider and the stability...im sure after the father sees his inadiquecy he will give in.

You need to back up with this one buddy. My Xhusband pays NO child support although he was ordered to pay 50.00 per month. My son has a learned defience disorder that his therapist feels is due to the entire paternal side of the family. One of the reasons I divorced him is due to the way he treated me. And Oh, yeah, he had and continues to have a drug problem. Do I think that he is a horrible father, Yes. Do my kids, No. My children need their father. I go out of my way to make sure that they see him. He and his current wife come to my house for dinner and we go to theirs. While I think that he can be a jerk, I put that aside for my children. I divorced him, they did not. I like him alot better now than when I was married to him.

Unless anyone can prove a direct danger to the child, dad is going to get visitation. Just because you don't like his "morals", well frankly, too bad for you. I'm their mother and my X's moral are just that and they are his problems.

 

[shieldsfirst]

from the age i realized my father misstreated my mom both physically and emotionally...i was about 8-10 i new i had to get rid of him, spend about 10 years doin it, but i did...why, because she didnt dervse that, and i new that if he was that kind of person he was no father at all...when that kid finds out he dad abandoned his mother, absued her physcally, and chose not to support him, like buy dipers and things, hes gonna be pissed. and i no his mom is gonna tell him the truth about his father, and thats gonna make him even more pissed. unless his father changes his ways, doubt it, the kid is gonna grow up disliking his father. he at 2 already knows who loves his mom that most...me...and they say thats most important for a child, watching the male figure love his mother.

and 50 bucks a month and he cant pay it...sounds like he puts himself befor the child.

 

[bradybunchmom]

untitled

unless you legally adopt the child,you will never " officially" be his father. i think you should back off, and let your gf and her husband work it out. you may not like his morals,but thats not any of your business.besides, how you can judge the father for his morals when your gf is also married, and sleeping with someone else?

 

[TNBSMommy]

ya know, I have to say, I have two children, thier father, to say the least isn't gonna win any dad of the year awards... he owes 28 grand in CS arrears, he lies to the kids about coming to get them, he lies to them about what they are going to do while with him, he takes his other kids to see movies he promised our kids to see, and then has the other kids lie to them,he smokes pot on a daily basis, lives in a two bedroom basement apt. the size of my living room with his wife and two other kids and her son, and that is all by choice b/c he doesn't feel like trying to make anything of himself. He lets me have ALL holidays so he doesn't have to be Santa/Easter bunny etc. for any more kids, he is NOT a great father... HOWEVER, he doesn't neglect them or abuse them while they are there, and they go see him whenever he wants them too. Do they like him? No, not really. They have opened their eyes to how he really is, and that is something they came to their own conclusions about. It isn't ISN"T ISN'T right to tell that child how awful his father is. Trust me, talking from life experience, actions speak louder than words.. Much louder. That child is TWO years OLD he has NO business knowing anything about how you and his mother think his father is, that is still HIS daddy... and he DESERVES to find out on his own by his father's actions what kind of man he is. I have so very rarely I can count on one hand the amount of times I have spoken badly about thier father in front of our children, and each and every time it was an accident. I would NEVER put THEM in that position. I love them to much to try to confuse them like that.

I will add to what Nextwife said in that my husband moved HERE to be with me and my children, b/c he knows how I feel about it, and knows I wouldn't take my kids from their dad, it is just plain wrong what you are trying to do, and for the millionth time, it isn't YOUR business. It doesn't matter who buys the diapers as long as they are bought. She needs to divorce him and file for CS if she wants him to help support him... you, on the other hand, need to STAY OUT OF IT.