Taking a bath

[mifelix]

Ex-wife bathes 9 year old son

What is the name of your state? MS

It has been brought to my attention tonight, while talking to my two minor children, ages 13 and 9, that my 9 year old son is still being bathed by my ex-wife. The subject was brought up to my 13 year old daughter because she and my son will be with me two months this summer due to my visitation privledges. They currently live in Ohio, that is why they get to stay with me 2 months during the summer. I knew my ex-wife was bathing my son when he was 6 and 7, and that even disturbed me given the fact that my daughter has been bathing herself since she was 6 years old. He has no physical impairments what so ever, I guess he's what most would consider quite normal in the realm of adolescences, other than the fact that he still needs to be bathed. Is this strange behavior, something that I should be alarmed about? He will be 10 years old in less than a year from now. I find this behavior hard to comprehend, and really don't know how to handle it. I really don't want to be bathing my 9 year old son over the summer, but if I don't he will not get cleaned. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[kidoday]

I didn't have to wash my own hair until I was 9. So what is your point?

You don't want to bathe your child or think your child should by now?

 

[HomeGuru]

What is the name of your state? MS

It has been brought to my attention tonight, while talking to my two minor children, ages 13 and 9, that my 9 year old son is still being bathed by my ex-wife. The subject was brought up to my 13 year old daughter because she and my son will be with me two months this summer due to my visitation privledges. They currently live in Ohio, that is why they get to stay with me 2 months during the summer. I knew my ex-wife was bathing my son when he was 6 and 7, and that even disturbed me given the fact that my daughter has been bathing herself since she was 6 years old. He has no physical impairments what so ever, I guess he's what most would consider quite normal in the realm of adolescences, other than the fact that he still needs to be bathed. Is this strange behavior, something that I should be alarmed about? He will be 10 years old in less than a year from now. I find this behavior hard to comprehend, and really don't know how to handle it. I really don't want to be bathing my 9 year old son over the summer, but if I don't he will not get cleaned. Any advice would be appreciated.

**A: it appears you answered your own question.

 

[mifelix]

kidoday

"I didn't have to wash my own hair until I was 9. So what is your point?"

"You don't want to bathe your child or think your child should by now?"

If you would read what I wrote more carefully, you would see that it is not just about washing his hair, he is being BATHED completely. I can understand a girl, with long hair needing help washing her hair, but a 9 year boy with short hair? Give me a break! And, by the way, I love my child and if he really needs my help bathing, then I will help him. I just don't know if he needs the help, or just doesn't want to do it!

 

[mifelix]

HomeGuru

**A: it appears you answered your own question.

Help me out with this, how did I answer my own question?

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? MS

It has been brought to my attention tonight, while talking to my two minor children, ages 13 and 9, that my 9 year old son is still being bathed by my ex-wife. The subject was brought up to my 13 year old daughter because she and my son will be with me two months this summer due to my visitation privledges. They currently live in Ohio, that is why they get to stay with me 2 months during the summer. I knew my ex-wife was bathing my son when he was 6 and 7, and that even disturbed me given the fact that my daughter has been bathing herself since she was 6 years old. He has no physical impairments what so ever, I guess he's what most would consider quite normal in the realm of adolescences, other than the fact that he still needs to be bathed. Is this strange behavior, something that I should be alarmed about? He will be 10 years old in less than a year from now. I find this behavior hard to comprehend, and really don't know how to handle it. I really don't want to be bathing my 9 year old son over the summer, but if I don't he will not get cleaned. Any advice would be appreciated.

Ok being a parent I'd find that a bit odd. However, depending on your child's efficiency in hygeine, possibly necessary. When your son comes to visit and it's bathtime run a bath and see what he does. Check on him asking if he's washed/conditioned his hair & washed his body. (Remember Bill Cosby: "Get IN the bath, pick UP the soap, LATHER, RINSE, turn OFF the water, dry off with the TOWEL....etcetc.) If he's washed his hair and cleaned his body- then he doesn't need your help. If he asks for your help, it's your opportunity to teach him how to bathe himself and have a father to son talk re; hygeine and private parts etc. etc. He'll be developing soon- so its about that time anyway.

If you are concerned about his actions/reactions during your visit, consider getting him in counseling. It's rarely to never a bad thing- and can only help in various areas even if they are innocent and just addressing you missing them, living apart, going through pre-teens etc. If you suspect something is amis- pursue it. Feel free to ask questions of your son and follow your 'gut' from there on out.

 

[nextwife]

OK, first time or two, visit with sonny boy when he baths. Hand him a washcloth and demonstarte how he, a big boy, can wash himself. Then hand him the shampoo and see if he can manage washing his own hair.

After one or two times, he should be fine bathing alone. You just need to oversee the hot/cold mix. Maybe he'll eventually tell Mommy that his bath is private and he'd rather do it himself.

And frankly, if he's bathing daily, unless he's rolling around in grime all day, even if he's not that efficient, he's likely clean enough for hygene.

I agree - it is weird. My 7 year old daughter was severly delayed, and she needs no assistance bathing - or washing her hair.

 

[casa]

OK, first time or two, visit with sonny boy when he baths. Hand him a washcloth and demonstarte how he, a big boy, can wash himself. Then hand him the shampoo and see if he can manage washing his own hair.

After one or two times, he should be fine bathing alone. You just need to oversee the hot/cold mix. Maybe he'll eventually tell Mommy that his bath is private and he'd rather do it himself.

And frankly, if he's bathing daily, unless he's rolling around in grime all day, even if he's not that efficient, he's likely clean enough for hygene.

I agree - it is weird. My 7 year old daughter was severly delayed, and she needs no assistance bathing - or washing her hair.

I'm trying to be objective, but I can understand OPs concern- around age 6-8 (with the exception of rinsing hair) my kids started naturally shutting the door and asking for privacy.

 

[CJane]

I'm trying to be objective, but I can understand OPs concern- around age 6-8 (with the exception of rinsing hair) my kids started naturally shutting the door and asking for privacy.

My 5 year old and 8 year old shut the door and ask for privacy, but they also almost never remember to use soap, wash their face, or rinse the shampoo out of their hair without assistance.

Maybe this mom is just tired of dealing with the double checking, and scrubs the kid down instead. Or, maybe 13 year old sister was saying "He's such a baby, mom still has to bathe him." Which sounds really 13-ish, and wouldn't necessarily be accurate.

*shrug* Talk to the kid, talk to mom, find out what's really going on, and then figure out if you should be concerned.