Thank you NCPs

[Tinaa]

What is the name of your state?
TX

I have been reading this forum for several months before joining. Although my husband is the NCP of his kids, I never really understood how terrible it must be not to see your kids. His ex-wife isn't happy to allow visitation, but she does it. I am the CP of my two kids. Their father never showed much interest in seeing them. After the OAG got after him for the $20,000+ arrearage, he blamed me for his lack of visitation, and that's why he didn't pay.
You people opened my eyes! Especially the bitterness and sadness form the NCPs who post here. I went to court Friday with a whole new attitude. I told my ex, that I wanted to apologize for the last few years of noncommunication. I wanted him to know his kids NOW. The change in him was amazing. I agreed to for give half of the arrearage and lower the child support to half what was previously ordered. Needless to say, he and his attorney were very happy and so was I. He took the girls right after court and had the day with them. They have plans in two weeks for the weekend.
I will probably forgive it all when he keeps his promise to see the girls regularly. I never actively prevented visitation, but I think my attitude was less than helpful. Having another loving person in my children's life is a freeing thing. That is one more person looking after the best interest of the girls.

Again, thank you. Please know that someone out here has learned from you.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

I credit this particular board for making me a better parent (or maybe I should say more understanding) and human too.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

 

[miaguy]

I Commend You!!!

I have to congratulate you, you are doing the right thing. You will see how good that is for your kids and yourself. It is a healing process from now on. Thanks.

I am an NCP, and my ex used to play all these games but I was patient and it payed off. Now we are civilized and can talk without arguing and all the animosity is gone.

 

[tammy8]

You are the best parent.....one that CARES about their kids!

I am happy that your girls will benefit from having a Dad in their lives.

 

[ChevyGirl]

Thank God for a parent like you!!!!

If only more parents would open their eyes, NCPs and CPs alike and see that just doing what is best for the kids and not holding grudges, this world would be a much better place and children wouldn't feel as though they had to dislike one parent or the other. I am shocked and amazed that people like you still exsist. Hopefully your post will reach out and touch someone they way other posts touched you!

GOD BLESS YOU!!!

 

[Tinaa]

I knew there would be some short-sighted people like you Chevygirl. What you don't know is my ex left when I was pregnant with our second child and he moved in with my brother's soon-to-be ex-wife. For the first few years, I begged him to be a part to their lives. He rarely paid child support and would refuse to buy diapers or help in any way. After the first five-six years of rejection, I gave up. He NEVER even sent a
b-day card or called, and we lived in the same very small town. There was a lot a bad blood. But, this site made me think that he might really love them, despite all the bad history. Yes, I set the girls up for another rejection, but I thought it would be worth it, if it worked. It did. He told me he finally grew up and realized what he was missing not being in his children's lives. Yes, there are lots of women like me and men like him. This site gave me the guts to step up and try again. He still hadn't asked to see the kids and we'd been to court FIVE times in the last year and a half. I guess I was trying to tell the CPs, don't give up, sometimes the NCPs need encouragement to step up to the plate.

 

[Tinaa]

On a funny side note

I have always kept in touch with the second and third ex-wives of his. In fact, the second ex-wife also has a child by him and the sisters regularly see each other and talk on the phone. And I always kept in touch with the paternal side of the family. So see, it wasn't just me. I felt like you attacked me Chevygirl. You'll notice I gave the girls' father everything he wanted just to get him to see the girls. I don't regret it. Believe me, I am an expert on appeasing the CP (hubby's ex); I've now learned the art of appeasing the NCP. You are so right, the kids are what's important. Again, thanks for giving me the guts to stand up and try again.

 

[VeronicaGia]

Re: On a funny side note

I have always kept in touch with the second and third ex-wives of his. In fact, the second ex-wife also has a child by him and the sisters regularly see each other and talk on the phone. And I always kept in touch with the paternal side of the family. So see, it wasn't just me. I felt like you attacked me Chevygirl. You'll notice I gave the girls' father everything he wanted just to get him to see the girls. I don't regret it. Believe me, I am an expert on appeasing the CP (hubby's ex); I've now learned the art of appeasing the NCP. You are so right, the kids are what's important. Again, thanks for giving me the guts to stand up and try again.

I don't think ChevyGirl attacked you at all. Maybe you should read it again.

Anyway, congrats on doing the right thing, even if it meant swalling a little pride. Hopefully he realizes what you've given him, and you and he can work together for the kids from now on.

 

[ChevyGirl]

WHAT !!?!??

What about that statement made you think that I was attacking you? I was commending you for what you did, knowing that it might not work and that I didn' know that people like you still exsisted, meaning people who would try to forgive and forget for the children's sake. Man, I guess being nice gets you no where.

 

[Tinaa]

Sorry Chevygirl

Sorry. I did miss read your post. Please don't stop being nice. It is a trait I'm trying hard to adopt.

 

[ChevyGirl]

No problem, I knew you read it wrong anyway! have a great day!

 

[Buggaloo80]

Need More Like You

If only the world had more CP's like you. Most only want the NCP to be miserable and the CP *thinks* they are hurting NCP, but in reality they are only hurting the CHILD. You are one of VERY few CP's (from reading NCP posts on here) that has actually seen the light and decided to give a father a chance to be one.

I am like you as well, from this forum I have learned to look over things and teach my husband the NCP, to do this as well. We no longer bother being vengeful or vindictive, (as CP has done us all of childs life) we do what is legally right and morally as well. If only CP would as well everything would be fine we would not have SUCH a problem with our visitations. But when you are supposed to be allowed phone visitation and you dont speak to your daughter in 5 months, in that is where the problem lies.

Wanna trade with us, you can be my husbands CP.....lol

May more CP's read this post and realize what they are doing wrong and change for their kids sake before it is too late. It takes more time and energy to HATE someone than to LOVE them!

 

[Tinaa]

No thanks. We had to lure his ex-wife back to Texas with the promise to buy her a car. We bought her a minivan...not brand new, but better than walking. She took off to N.M. and it took us forever and dollars to find her. I feel for you.

 

[DustyO]

Kind of out there but somewhat related...

I have read many posts on here of CP and NCP's bashing each other and complaining about this and that. Hell I'm even somewhat guilty of that myself. But that's what makes this place so great. Other people get to share experiences that they've been through and we can all relate in some form.

I am the CP to both of my children a boy age 7 and a girl age 2. ( Who have different BIO fathers. ) My oldest childs father left me when he was 3 months old. And my youngest's left me at 3 months pregnant. ( I guess the number 3 isn't good luck for me. LOL ) Anyways. I have always encouraged visitation with both fathers. Unfortunately neither of them is involved in their lives. My son's father has recently started to try to cause problems for me since he found out I remarried. Only out of spite and not really out of love. So I can see both sides of the being patient and forgiving thing. I used to be that way. And still am when it comes to my daughters father. But as for my son's father I find that a very bitter pill to swallow. ( I try my best ) But sometimes being civil to him really makes me wanna puke. So I grin and bare it and hope for the best. Usually I'm dissappointed.

 

[Tinaa]

It's been several years and I think time has removed much of the pain. I have a wonderful husband who has stepped up and been a good dad. My ex even thanked my husband for being "there' for the girls. Your son's father may turn around in a few years and regret all that he missed. That's what happened in my case. You can't make a father be a dad. I'm no saint, believe me. I wish I would have made sure my ex knew he was welcome in my kids lives. Like you, I gave up after the first several years. Maybe my attitude made a difference this time. It just took my ex and me a little longer to grow up than most. There will come a time when you wan't wanna puke. You'll be praying he finds happiness. When he does, your life will be so much easier! I have learned that being happy is the best revenge. It does work.