I agree with Buggaloo80....about most CP's wanting the NCP's to be miserable, and think they are hurting the NCP, when in fact...they are only hurting the children by keeping the NCP away from his/her children. So maybe hearing from a CP, who raised her children WITH the NCP IN their lives, will allow some of you to get a glimpse on how the children prosper later on in life as young adults. I NEVER kept my boys dad away from them...their happiness and best interest was my first priority. I won't lie to anyone...I was quite bitter when we divorced, but that was our problem, not our children's problem. It wasn't their fault we got divorced, and if I punished their dad...I'de be punishing them also. So, I chose to give their dad a chance to be in their lives and watch them grow. It was my boys I was thinking of....not what my ex did to me.
I encouraged their relationship, and if he wanted to see our boys everyday...I never got in the way of that. I would even change my plans to work around his schedule, just so they can be together. I drove them to wherever he was, just so they would have their visits. I lowered the CS, to make it easier for him to pay it. I invited him and his wife to every function that pertained to our boys. Trust me, I went the extra mile...just to keep my boys happy. They love their dad, and I was NOT going to get in the way of that.
My boys are grown now...they are young adults. They are very happy, well adjusted, successful boys. They have wonderful relationships with friends and g/f's. This past October, I got married and my boys walked me down the aisle, ( NO...I didn't invite the ex lol ). At the reception, my boys stood in front of all our guests and made a dedication to me. They told me how much they loved me, and thanked me for never standing in the way of their relationship with their dad. They told me that because of my unselfishness, and my understanding...they have grown into healthy prosperous men. They said they had me to thank for that...I cried lol. Lastly, they thanked me for giving them another dad ( my new husband ) who they love very much.
So, it does pay to keep the NCP in your children's life. I am very proud of my boys, and who they've become...they are warm, honest, compassionate young men, and we are very close. But most importantly, they are happy...and so am I!
