"The crying game" update...

[momandsmom003]

What is the name of your state? La

Hopefully some of you remember. 9 sdaughter crying when time to go home, Dad "enabling" her by carrying her into mom's . Thought about counseling, school counselor, dad had already talked to secretary that knows child pretty well and has talked to her on many of her crying spells.

Dad and I talked....He has decided to let it be for now. (I really did not think it a good idea to involve school counselor with out mom knowing, in part thanks to some members of this board) - Enter Thanks here - He had mentioned counseling in the past and mom was against it. All he hoped to get out of the school counselor was IF she thought something more was going on with his daughter. Then if she saw something that needed attention, he was going to talk to mom again.

He had remembered how the secretary told him she usually cries more when she has just come from here. Weekend before school let back in, she was with mom. No tears this week. Of course she has seen dad like 3 times this week. Remember? him doing all running for older sdaughter and youngest one cuz everyone else was at work. (He sets his own hours so if he goes in at like 4 - 5 am, he can get off early enough to get her off bus at mom's then meet mom or sdad to pick both girls up). And she still calls both of us every morning. But NO tears. I will keep you all updated for this is the weekend they come here. (if that's o.k). I am going to remind her that me and mom talked to her and told her that if she is going to start the crying thing again on Sun. that Dad would stay home and either me and sdad or me and mom would handle the drop off. (It worked last week, she really loves her daddy and wanted him to bring her home, so she put on the "brave face".)

I never thought I'd have to give "tough" love to the sdaughter.

Thank you all for your words of advice and wisdom.

 

[Zephyr]

THAT was NOT what entered my mind upon reading the title of this thread!!!!

 

[momandsmom003]

My bad Dad just called me on his lunch break, so it was fresh on my mind. We talked a little about it b/c I have rarely seen him this week. He ran after kids, and I worked 4 nights. No worries, we have ALL weekend.

 

[stealth2]

Hon... it would make a heck of a lot more sense to put the update in one of your other threads instead of starting yet another thread.

 

[momandsmom003]

Hon... it would make a heck of a lot more sense to put the update in one of your other threads instead of starting yet another thread.

I am truly sorry. I guess I am kind of new at this. I just didn't want you all to think I was trying to keep posting on old threads that had not been viewed recently. Like maybe it would seem that I would not let "that" thread die. Again I apologize. I whole heartedly respect the senior members, and would not want to do anything to wear out my welcome.

 

[momandsmom003]

update..The drama continues.

Hon... it would make a heck of a lot more sense to put the update in one of your other threads instead of starting yet another thread.

Hope this is satisfactory.....

Mom called today. She checked phone this am. Sdaughter 9 STILL calling EVERY morning, EVERY evening. Called dad 2 times this am. Me on cell, (3 times), I was trying to finish up at work. House phone 3 times. I told my son NOT to answer the phone. SHESH, she just left here Sund. night. AND talked to DAD Mon & Tues evening b/c he called to check on older sd, she had flu!! URGGGGGGG!!!!!

THEY ARE ALL TRYING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY

Dad got really mad when he heard me tell mom I will try to handle some of this. So with mom on the phone I said. "You are being totally unresonable. Mom is trying to teach her moderation. She is going to be a stalker when she grows up b/c she can't stay off the phone. YOU cannot keep telling sd it is o.k. to call you EVERY am (when she is at mom's) b/c mom is telling her DO NOT GET ON THE PHONE. You are trying to control what she is trying to accomplish in HER home. That is not right and if you continue to foster this unresonable situation, it is only going to end up stirring the pot."

So to resolve the issue. I made sd a calender, like I made for older one with her activities for school, that states when she can call dad. And it states that if she sees him that day b/c he had to pick her and sister up b/c of practice or such, then she CANNOT call. She boo hoo'd and cried, and DAD finally put his foot down. He said "See I told you it was going to get out of hand." He then looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't know it had gotten this bad." I said, "YOU created this. YOU and now it is like an obession with her, she has to talk to someone before school or she loses her mind. Totally rediculous. I have been trying to tell you that you are feeding the fire." Rightly don't care if he's mad. SHE has got to stop this nonsense. I feel like I have been run over by a bus.....

 

[Bloopy]

So to resolve the issue. I made sd a calender, like I made for older one with her activities for school, that states when she can call dad. And it states that if she sees him that day b/c he had to pick her and sister up b/c of practice or such, then she CANNOT call. She boo hoo'd and cried, and DAD finally put his foot down. He said "See I told you it was going to get out of hand." He then looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't know it had gotten this bad." I said, "YOU created this. YOU and now it is like an obession with her, she has to talk to someone before school or she loses her mind. Totally rediculous. I have been trying to tell you that you are feeding the fire." Rightly don't care if he's mad. SHE has got to stop this nonsense. I feel like I have been run over by a bus.....

I think this is a good idea. Maybe you shouldn’t present it to her.

Mom and Dad needed to set these limits. For you to do it may seem WickedStepmom to DramaQueen. WSM is stopping me from contacting Daddy.

 

[wileybunch]

Wait -- I'm confused ... I thought Dad came to the realization he had created this, that the lightbulb finally went on. Did he turn on you?

I agree with Bloopy, though, that this should come from dad. You can suggest and even make the calendar for dad, but I think dad should be the one that implements this with his daughter b/c it is really between them.

 

[Bloopy]

Wait -- I'm confused ... I thought Dad came to the realization he had created this, that the lightbulb finally went on. Did he turn on you?

My guess is that logic and reason flew out the window when Ex entered the conversation.

Glad someone retrieved it for him.

 

[momandsmom003]

THEY ARE ALL TRYING TO DRIVE ME CRAZY

Dad got really mad when he heard me tell mom I will try to handle some of this. So with mom on the phone I said. "You are being totally unresonable. Mom is trying to teach her moderation. She is going to be a stalker when she grows up b/c she can't stay off the phone. YOU cannot keep telling sd it is o.k. to call you EVERY am (when she is at mom's) b/c mom is telling her DO NOT GET ON THE PHONE. You are trying to control what she is trying to accomplish in HER home. That is not right and if you continue to foster this unresonable situation, it is only going to end up stirring the pot."

So to resolve the issue. I made sd a calender, like I made for older one with her activities for school, that states when she can call dad.

I did this after consulting with mom and dad about the days and times sd can call dad. Not on my own. I had already made oldersd a calender w/ her practices and stuff so i just added the phone days to that one.

And it states that if she sees him that day b/c he had to pick her and sister up b/c of practice or such, then she CANNOT call. She boo hoo'd and cried, and DAD finally put his foot down. He said "See I told you it was going to get out of hand."

When he said this, he was talking to sd, apparently he had been trying to tell her NOT to call so often, but she wasn't getting his VERY suttle hints.

He then looked at me and said "I'm sorry, I didn't know it had gotten this bad."

This he said to me, he did not know she was calling me at work at the specific times i told her i would be busy. He said he always talks to her, but not for very long, so apparently that was when the light bulb went off, its not HIM she just has to talk to, it's anyone that will answer the dang phone...

I said, "YOU created this. YOU and now it is like an obession with her, she has to talk to someone before school or she loses her mind. Totally rediculous. I have been trying to tell you that you are feeding the fire." Rightly don't care if he's mad. SHE has got to stop this nonsense. I feel like I have been run over by a bus.....

Sorry if I was confusing. I was very irritated and had a very long day, so the stuff didn't come out right.

And yes, bloopy, he immediatly got irritated that she (mom) had called, still questioning the issue with the phone deal. What happened was on that particular morning i guess sd called him and he was busy b/c he called back and mom saw it on the caller id. I think he is afraid of hurting sd's feelings. And yes, I retrieved it for him. Had to. Cuz I told him, remember when we first got together and I told you, if you are looking for some kind of monster that is going to make your ex feel like SH** just b/c she had kids w/ you, then you need to look elsewhere for a life long partner.

Minor update - mom called me on cell yest. am. Just to say thanks for backing me up. Her exact words " I am sure glad I have you on my side when it really counts."