Please don't misunderstand me, when I started my post, some of the information wasn't posted yet and there was no indication that the Father had any idea if or where the mother lived or worked, it was all contact with her adoptive parents and who knows how biased that information might be. For all we know, she may be unemployed living on the streets and her parents not know where she is, my comments had nothing to do with the sex of the NCP or CP. I am not bitter, nor do I hate men. I have worked with both men and women as CP and NCP, the goal is always the same, the best interest of the child, that is always, number one!
Why should the NCP mother suddenly expect to have a part in her son's life or pay child support when it was clear that the father, for what ever reason, intentionally excluded her from her child's life and we don't know the whole story. Sometimes adoptive children, the mother is adopted, have hidden health and mental health concerns that may not materialize well into adulthood, this was a possibility I was considering as it fits into such a profile and there are a number of other challenges associated with adopted children that may play a role in what happened. If she is stable and gainfully employed then by all means seek child support and encourage a healthy mother / child relationship, from this point forward, but not for the purpose of revenge. Personally, I think that making an honest effort to encourage a healthy relationship first without any coercion might yeild a more positive result at least the one your son wants and his happiness is your primary concern.
I'm sorry, but it is controlling to write into a divorce agreement language for no child support for the purpose of getting rid of her for what ever your intent. People who are controlling usually have a good reason to cite for their actions, they are still controlling and doesn't mean that I have unfinished issues to deal with because I recognize it and point it out, I am only trying to lend some objective insight. Divorce setlements with children usually include provisions for child support to protect the children and it is unusual even if you are able to suport the child without additional child support, to write it out. If child support from the mother was not an issue you simply did not have to enforce it or perhaps place it in trust for their education and still encourage a relationship. That is why I said it was controlling and since you admitted that you wanted rid of her so as not to deal with her you encouraged or controlled to some extent what happened to their relationship in its early stages and currently, even to the place of wanting to terminate the relationship as late as Sunday.
There may be aspects to your contract for which she will have some defense because of the provisions you insisted on including. You will need to contact an attorney to go through that, perhaps you should start with the one who represented you during your divorce if you wish it amended as they would have the best idea of what was happening at that time otherwise you will have to pay for them to review a lot of material to advise you.
You also admit that it is your son who wants to have a relationsip. No matter how much you try to hide your true feelings toward your es-wife, your child will see through the mask, in some societies an 11 year old is almost an adult. You still didn't say what his health concerns were and I am only asking because there may be resources about which you are unaware or even support groups. I am sorry to hear about the abuse incident and I am sure the fact that you had to rely on babysitters in the absense of his mother must be an issue both of you deal with and no resolution can change what happened nor does placing blame erase the guilt.
My suggestion is to encourage the relationship with her parents even if it is only one way, they may feel uncomfortable as well. Be honest with your son about what happened, what and why you did it, not the sugar coated picture, if you were frustrated, angry, or what ever, admit it to youeself first and to your son, your honesty will strengthen your relationsip in the end. Encourage your son to call his grandparents on a regular basis and to send letters to them and to her. Honor your son's wishes and give him an opportunity to make his own assessment of the situation before proceeding with any legal action that might preclude the development of a relationship with his mother or grandparents. The decision to move forward should be based on what is in the best interest of your child, not on emotions or your opinion of me.
)