Tired Of Him Threatening To Take My Son

[fedup23]

What is the name of your state? MO
I HAVE A FOUR YEAR OLD SON I WAS NOT MARRIED TO HIS FATHER WHEN I HAD HIM. NOW I AM MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE AND SO IS MY SONS FATHER. WE DON'T GET ALONG VERY WELL BECAUSE HE THINKS I SHOULD BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR HIM. HE WANTS ME TO MEET HIM TO DROP OFF MY SON INSTEAD OF COMMING TO GET HIM AND HE WANTS ME TO PICK HIM UP IF I DON'T HE WON'T BRING HIM HOME. NOW GRANTED HE DID NOT SEE HIS SON FOR NINE MONTHS AND DID NOT WANT TO WHEN HE WAS TWO. I WOULD BEG HIM TO COME AND SEE HIM AND HE WOULD NOT DO IT. NOW THAT HE HAS BEEN SEEING HIM REGULARLY HE SAYS IF I DON'T DO WHAT HE SAYS HE WILL TAKE HIM FROM ME AND NOT BRING HIM BACK HOME WHEN HE DOES GET HIM. THE POLICE HAVE TOLD ME SINCE I DON'T HAVE COUSTODY PAPERS HE CAN. I CANNOT AFFFORD TO GET PAPERS AND LEGAL AID WILL NOT HELP ME UNLESS THE FATHER STARTS THE LEGAL PROCESS. HE IS PAYING CHILDSUPPORT BUT HE IS BEHIND. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL INTIMIDATED BY THIS ANY MORE. IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO?? FRUSTRATED

 

[VeronicaGia]

FIRST OFF, YOU CAN STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT IS REALLY HARD TO READ AND YOU APPEAR TO BE SHOUTING!

Second, it is not your son, you are both parents. Finally, he is correct. Since paternity has been established, both of you have custody. He could go file for legal custody at this point, and so could you.

Your best bet is to work it out so that he picks the child up from your house to start his parenting time, and you pick the child up from his house to end his parenting time. Or some other arrangement, but you two need to work together. The child deserves both parents.

 

[fedup23]

reply

But you don't understand. I had to beg him to be a father the first three years of OUR sons life so why should I bend over backwards for him. He just in the past year decided he wanted to be a father. And that was only because his wife asked him to come and get him. And even then I had to keep calling him and telling him that it was his day to see him.

 

[Bre's_mom]

What I understand is that he NOW wants to be in his sons life, and that is great. He needs to be in life. He is his father. If in the past he was not there, yes that sucks, but he's in his life now, and that is very important. You should be happy, he's in his life. There are alot of fathers that don't want anything to do with their child, and he wants to be in his sons life, so work with him. Your son deserves to be in both of your lives. What if the shoe was on the other foot, are you saying that you think that if you had not been in his life at first, then now that gives you no right to be in your sons life?

 

[JoandJa'smom]

I disagree. Yes, it is great that your child's father is back in his life, but you don't have to put up w/his threats and I wouldn't stand for it.

You don't have to take your child over there and pick the child up. Sounds like he is trying to control you and I would put my foot down on it right now.

This may not be the advice that other's would agree with, but either you figure out a way to get a court order asap or don't let him see the child at all. You piss him off one time there is a chance you won't see your child ever again. he sounds like a time bomb about to go off threatening to keep the child and never return. I would be scared out of my mind and stop the visitation.

If you stop the visitation he will probably file for a court date and will take you to court. So, go to court and once you get there ask the judge for a lawyer and tell him you can't pay for one and he will likely get a continuance and issue you a lawyer. Once you do that then you will go back to court and everything will get settled there as to who picks up child and returns the child.

You need that court order and you need it done asap so that the child can see both parents and the threats will hopefully stop.

Do you have any friends that are paralegals or another type of lawyer? You can go pro-se in court and do it yourself. They can help you fill out the right paperwork and go from there. It is a lot, but it can be done.

I just think that w/the father threatening you like this is wrong and should not be allowed. You don't owe him anything and I am shocked that some would think you do.

JoandJa'smom

 

[Bre's_mom]

This may not be the advice that other's would agree with, but either you figure out a way to get a court order asap or don't let him see the child at all. You piss him off one time there is a chance you won't see your child ever again. he sounds like a time bomb about to go off threatening to keep the child and never return. I would be scared out of my mind and stop the visitation. JoandJa'smom

If you stop the visitation he will probably file for a court date and will take you to court. So, go to court and once you get there ask the judge for a lawyer and tell him you can't pay for one and he will likely get a continuance and issue you a lawyer. Once you do that then you will go back to court and everything will get settled there as to who picks up child and returns the child.

My response...


Not letting him see the child is NOT RIGHT...JoandJa'smom your saying it's ok for the mom to not let the dad see his son, but it's not ok for the dad to keep the child and not let her see him? I don't agree with that. I don't think it's fair to the child, to be denied access to either parent. That advice about not letting dad see his son, is the worst advice I've seen anyone put on here. What are you thinking, saying that. What about the child? And her getting a free lawyer? That is rare. And that is not fair to the dad, that she get a FREE lawyer and he represent himself. The two of them created this child, and the two of them need to have equal rights to their child. I just hope that if you have kids with a man, that you don't do the same thing, that you adviced her to do. THINK OF THE KIDS!!!!

 

[cecilboy]

My husband had trouble picking up and dropping off his son with his ex. The only option that worked for them was to meet at a mutually agreed upon place. For my husband it is at a gas station (inside) close to his ex's home. Not only did this limit the meeting to only picking up or dropping off his son, but also provided witnesses incase of threats or physical behavior.

 

[JoandJa'smom]

It isin't that I want her to deny access of the child to the father, but his threats are not right, in fact it is sick!!

I just think the only way she can get an attorney is to get issued one in court if she can't pay for one now. Everyone I know who goes into court w/out an lawyer usually ends up w/one anyways issued from the judge.

I would never deny access of my children to their father, but if he made specific threats I sure would act on them one way or another.

These threats are serious and not something petty and I don't think this gal owes this man anything.

JoandJa'smom

 

[VeronicaGia]

Re: reply

But you don't understand. I had to beg him to be a father the first three years of OUR sons life so why should I bend over backwards for him. He just in the past year decided he wanted to be a father. And that was only because his wife asked him to come and get him. And even then I had to keep calling him and telling him that it was his day to see him.

You begged him to be a father; now that you got your wish, you don't like it.

Look, get a court order or modification of visitation order that spells out who does the traveling. If he's behind in support, file contempt. But don't complain that you got what you wanted and now you don't like it.

 

[mamaj]

This man sounds like he does more harm than good, I am in a situation like yours , if you make it hard for him it just makes him madder so get a lawyer who is on your side not his and work on a settlement that works for the child not either one of you , The court should have the best intrest of the child and not the parents, that is a problem these days they should think of the damage this does to the child back and forth to another house and seeing the so called man (which he is not) once in a while is not good at all for this child or any other child,these part time dads are not what the children need at all they need a full time dad from birth on ,not just when they feel like playing dad or that they have pressure from their parents to see the child , Courts better wake up and get rid of the dead beats who call theirselves dad ''''''
Not dad just fool ' He had his chance and didn't want it now the child is easier to watch and he wants it, Yea right.
Do what ever it takes to keep the peace for the child even if it means visitation for the scum of a dad that he is,keep records and hopefully he will fade away again, they always do.
Good luck it will work out.

 

[LaurieB]

I just don't understand how some of these non-custodial parents think they can just waltz in and out of their childrens' lives because they decide, "Now I want to be a parent." Can a person like that be trusted to be a stable, reliable person in that child's life. I doubt it.

If I were you I would force him to get a court order even though the judge will probably be sympathetic to him and his new-found desire to be a part of his child's life - GAG!!!

The only thing to hope for is that he will eventually tire of this daddy charade .

As you can see, I believe that though every child DESERVES to have both his parents, not every parent DESERVES access to his/her child, especially when the parent couldn't be bothered for the first however many years.

I'm sure some of you will jump all over this but I have lived this exact situation and, believe me, the damage it does to a child (the back and forth thing) will leave scars for life. Better not to have the parent ever come back. JMHO.

Laurie

 

[WSM]

Fedup23... I understand where you're coming from. It IS frustrating! NOW he decides to be a daddy, so you have to bend over backwards to accommodate HIM or "he will take your child away from you"... What a crock of crap...

I think that he's just saying that out of anger, but yes, you need to watch yourself and protect yourself legally. I do agree with the others that you should communicate with him and come to some agreement as to where to pick up/drop off your son so he can visit with his father (being that you are allowing it now).

I can relate to you in feeling frustrated b/c a few years ago, it wasn't "convenient" for him to be a daddy. Now it is, so everything has to go back to normal. I know many will jump all over me too, but I guess you have to be in your shoes to fully understand.

I do agree that children need BOTH parents in their lives, but BOTH have to take the journey ALL THE WAY. Anyone can donate a sperm and an egg to make a child, but it takes a whoooooole lot more than that to be a parent! People should EARN the right to be parents and you do this by being a responsible ADULT!

I have been raising my SD for three years now with my husband. Her BM "disappeared" and doesn't contact her AT ALL. It's been very hard for me raising a child who is not biologically mine, but my DH works hard for his DD to have a stable, happy life and I am happy helping him. When (and IF) BM decides to return, all hell is going to break to lose b/c there is NO WAY we're bending ANYWHERE to accommodate her. Our attitude is "YOU CHOOSE THE BEHAVIOR, YOU CHOOSE THE CONSEQUENSES".

Good luck to you...
WSM

 

[JoandJa'smom]

WSM, I totally agree. A parent shouldn't be allowed to do some of the stuff they do and the CP shouldn't have to put up w/it!!

I also agree w/LaurieB on this as well. A child does deserve to have both parents, but the parent doesn't always deserve to have the child.

JoandJa'smom

 

[VeronicaGia]

WSM, I totally agree. A parent shouldn't be allowed to do some of the stuff they do and the CP shouldn't have to put up w/it!!

**Yes, well NCP's shouldn't have to put up with the stuff CP's do either, like the fact that NCP's are relegated to being paying visitors. NCP does not equal a lesser parent with no rights.

I also agree w/LaurieB on this as well. A child does deserve to have both parents, but the parent doesn't always deserve to have the child.

JoandJa'smom

 

[ChevyGirl]

WRONG WRONG WRONG

Just because paternity was established does NOT mean that he has any legal or physical custody. You have complete legal custody and until he takes you to court, he does not have ANY legal rights to this child. Believe me, I know, because my husband's child he has to established paternity (We are in Missouri) and did and we have been waiting to go to court for 2 years and until we get there, the mother doesn't even have to let us see the child. Anyone who wants to come here and argue this, go ahead, but I SWEAR to you this is true.