Tired Of Him Threatening To Take My Son

[haiku]

If I were the original poster I would beg borrow and steal (i had to) to go to court for custody, because if Mo. is like my state, the father could take the baby anytime and keep it, and than the fight would happen all over from a different perspective.

life is easier with someone you cannot get on with if you have legal paperwork to back it up.

 

[stealth2]

I just think the only way she can get an attorney is to get issued one in court if she can't pay for one now. Everyone I know who goes into court w/out an lawyer usually ends up w/one anyways issued from the judge.

Wrong. It all depends if she meets the legal aid criteria. And since custody/visitation are civil matters versus criminal - she is not entitled to a lawyer.

 

[businessjustice]

The line is old, tiring and quite sickening. Once again, I'm ashamed of my own gender.

They have hormone replacement and surgery to correct that problem...but then I'd be ashamed to have someone the likes of you in MY gender.

The law is the law Veronica, fight it if you don't agree with it, but don't piss on the people who abide by it in the meantime.

 

[LaurieB]

Good for you Business. You are exactly right. Any of the women or men, for that matter who haven't lived through the threats of a harrassing ex, simply don't understand. All you care about is the safety of your child. If you feel that is being threatened you have no choice. My ex used my child as a weapon all the time. It nearly drove me crazy. He finally decided that paying child support was cutting into his beer/cigarette fund too much and he would enjoy his life more if he just gave up his rights to our daughter. That was one of the happiest days of my life.

Veronica, you have so much compassion for the poor mis-treated male in all of these situations but little to none for the women. Why are you and some of the other posters so nasty toward women who get pregnant when they aren't married? You know, I doubt that most of them got pregnant on purpose. They have a tough row to hoe and I don't think they need to be belittled on this board when all they are doing is asking advice on how to do what is best for their children.

There was a male poster here a week or so ago who had a pregnant girlfriend. NOBODY put him down! You all jumped to give him sound advice to make certain he would have a part in the baby's life even though he was encouraging the girl to have an abortion because it would be a little tough to have the "kid" as he insisted on calling the baby. I kept waiting for somebody to slam him but he got congratulated left and right. I couldn't believe it.

I know that most parents should have equal access to their children, but certainly not all. And I'm not just talking abuse cases. If a parent doesn't feel the need to have a relationship with their child during the first 3, 5, 7, or however many years of that child's life than they don't deserve to have a relationship at all. I don't care what the law says. The law also allows biological parents to remove a toddler from the arms of the adoptive parents who have raised him/her from birth. It don't make it right!

Laurie

 

[annefan]

I know that most parents should have equal access to their children, but certainly not all. And I'm not just talking abuse cases. If a parent doesn't feel the need to have a relationship with their child during the first 3, 5, 7, or however many years of that child's life than they don't deserve to have a relationship at all. I don't care what the law says. The law also allows biological parents to remove a toddler from the arms of the adoptive parents who have raised him/her from birth. It don't make it right!

Laurie

My experience (personally and that of friends): Generally, many male NCPs feel defeated, unempowered and heartbroken when the scorned ex uses the child as a pawn to achieve whatever it is the ex wants at the time of breakup. Because majority of CPs awarded custody are female, the male feels outnumbered and hopeless that he can succeed in any cause for the child. Hence, the male NCP 'gives up' sometimes. Often it takes a little while for the NCP to adjust and come to realizations. One, most importantly being, that the only relationship he will ever experience with the child is one in which the he must work hard on to have.

There you have it...one possible reason why Daddy 'abandons' and then reappears later.

 

[stealth2]

a tough row to hoe

DING DING DING!!!! FINALLY someone gets this right! I can't tell you how sick I am of seeing "road to hoe"!

 

[businessjustice]

oh for cripes sake, if a NCP father "gives up" and feels defeated, that is his own damn fault and no one should feel sorry for him, or coddle him later when he changed his mind and decided to allow his balls to decend.

You want something, you fight for it. Period, end of story. You stop the fight, it is a loss you take on yourself. No one makes you walk away.

Sitting here and whining about how unfair the law is to men, well if the men of this world fought for their parental rights a long time ago, the men today wouldn't have the problem they face now. Go blame the real culprits, their fathers, grandfathers & great great grandfathers....not the mothers.

and that is COMING from a man, go figure.

 

[LaurieB]

Thank you, thank you - applause, applause!!!

I also hate seeing "Butt naked" - it is "Buck naked" as in the term used long ago for Native American males.

One of my ex's favorites was "Six of one, and a dozen of the other." For some reason I never corrected him. Maybe I just didn't want to make him feel stupid (or maybe I just wanted to let him continue sounding stupid). Hee-Hee, evil me.

 

[annefan]

Of personal opinion

And for all the female CPs who boo-hoo about lack of child support...I implore you to buck up and WORK, WORK, WORK to support your children. Consider this, if the biological father died, who is going to give money to help in bringing up this child?

(And don't answer that Veronica! You'll get trampled on for a welfare reply )

 

[LaurieB]

Beautifully put Business. I would have fought like a tiger to see my daughter. And Heaven help the person who ever tried to keep me from her. I don't feel sorry for anyone who stops or never starts because it's too hard or too uncomfortable - would ya like some WHINE with that?

On the other hand, I don't think the custodial parent should use the child as a weapon, either. The NCP should have tons of opportunity to take part in all aspects of their childrens' lives. Ah, if only this were a perfect world.

Laurie

 

[annefan]

Sitting here and whining about how unfair the law is to men, well if the men of this world fought for their parental rights a long time ago, the men today wouldn't have the problem they face now. Go blame the real culprits, their fathers, grandfathers & great great grandfathers....not the mothers.

and that is COMING from a man, go figure.

Ok, Phil Donohue, your opinion has been noted. However, perhaps you and your intelligence in family law could answer this one...

If a man can't fight successfully for his right to object to the female aborting the child, HOW is he supposed to fight for parental rights (without partiality to females) of existing children?

I look forward to your indulgent responses.

 

[karma1]

business....

oh for cripes sake, if a NCP father "gives up" and feels defeated, that is his own damn fault and no one should feel sorry for him, or coddle him later when he changed his mind and decided to allow his balls to decend.

You want something, you fight for it. Period, end of story. You stop the fight, it is a loss you take on yourself. No one makes you walk away.

Sitting here and whining about how unfair the law is to men, well if the men of this world fought for their parental rights a long time ago, the men today wouldn't have the problem they face now. Go blame the real culprits, their fathers, grandfathers & great great grandfathers....not the mothers.

and that is COMING from a man, go figure.

you really think the solution for our men today would have been for the "forefathers" to fight for these rights long ago? This is an interesting statement since historically, (and dont quote me on this), men did, at one time, "hold all the cards". Women and children were considered property and if a wife (and again, dont quote me on this) did some how leave... the children very rarely went with.
Anway, my point is, there are many, many, many men that spend thousands of dollars and DO fight and end up with nothing. I can direct you to a specific site where the endless stories of "fighting the fight" got them little to no involvement in their children's lives...
so, how would you answer them, business? these men (and lets say, for the sake of arguement, NCP's in general) who have gone to court, have stayed with the whole family court system until the last judgement, have spend thousands upon thousands of dollars and end up with nothing? You must have seen this a time or two in your career?
just curious

 

[LaurieB]

Actually if the biological father died, Social Security would support his children. That's one of the reasons he pays into it. And, guess what, it won't go into arrears, either.

Not that I don't agree that the CP should work. Heck, I worked to raise my daughter and was alone for 5 years. It was tough and I didn't even have to pay for day care - Grandma and Grandpa were happy to take care of her during the day. But dear old Dad must do his share, too.

My ex tried to claim that he had to quit his job because I had been so mean to him and made him so upset he couldn't work <sob>. The fact of the matter is that we had sold our house and he had gotten a large sum of money just like I had. I invested mine in buying a little house for my daughter and me and he quit his job, moved in with his girlfriend, and invested in beer. He was a plumber but claimed he couldn't get a job because he didn't have his journeyman's license and there was nothing else he knew how to do. The Domestic Relations officer looked him dead in the eye and said, "Mr. _____, can you pump gas?" HEE!!! I though he was going to drop through the floor.

So, IMHO, both parents should work and both parents should provide funding to support their children.

Laurie

 

[juke]

I'd like to see IAAL or BCB have a *conversation* with Business....I've never read so many spelling errors by a "lawyer," nor have I read such bias from a "lawyer."
He's aggressive enough to be a real lawyer, though!

 

[haiku]

DING DING DING!!!! FINALLY someone gets this right! I can't tell you how sick I am of seeing "road to hoe"!

LOL