Touchy subject

[SingleMom67]

$812 is a lot of money to pay out in child support (although I know some people pay a LOT more) ... I've said it before, I don't want to put a huge financial burden on him ... but I also don't feel it's right for him to avoid paying more support, if he has a substantial change in income - which he has ... and I really don't think he's being honest with CSEA about his employment or income.

Frankly, I'm surprised CSE hasn't already done a review of your case if it's been 7 years. I realize they get very backlogged, but to think a case can sit for 7 years is a little scary. Anyway, I just wanted to say that everyone's got there own opinions here (and bitter experiences are prevelant in several posts on this thread here), but my advice would be to call CSE and request a review. They will not disclose to him that it's you who's requesting the review. At that time, everything can be re-evaluated, including his income, setting an amount toward the arrears, etc. (I wouldn't let those go either. This is money he was responsible for paying for his kids. You were just nice in not enforcing the order for a year.) One thing to keep in mind is you don't necessarily have to go before a judge. You can always "propose" an amount that you think is fair and acceptable and see if he'll agree to it. Another thing to keep in mind is are you going to get true and correct information from him as far as what he's earning now? If he's working for family, will they lie about his salary?

 

[MomIsWorried]

$379 is NOTHING for 2 kids, I get double that and I only have 1 kid, I'm sure you dish out WAY more than $379 for your kids every month. YOUR kids deserve the extra support. Kids do cost more the older they get, whether anyone makes more or not, they are more expensive. You shouldn't have to work 2 jobs to support your kids when both you and the father can afford them each only working 1 job. Your kids need you to be with them and not out working all the time.

Don't I know it! I was actually thrilled with the $379 when it was ordered back in the late 90's. When we first divorced, he was fresh out of the military and had taken a part time job and moved in with friends. I was working 7 days a week, 12+ hours a day to support the kids, and his order at that time was $64 per month...for BOTH kids.

As for me working ... when I got remarried (almost 10 years ago), my husband wanted me to be a stay home mom. I struggled with the decision, because I was making really good money at my job ... but after the birth of our first child together, I decided to give it a shot and quit my job. Up until this past year, I have been a stay home mom. Last year I landed a job as an Office Supervisor with a tax office, and it's seasonal work (4 months out of the year). My husband knew when he asked me to quit my job that he would be assuming financial responsibility for my daughters, and that was fine with him...that's the way he wanted it. I only make about $8000 a year...so it's not like I'm spending a lot of time away from my kids. But at one time, when the ex and I first separated, I hardly ever saw them ... and now that they are teenagers and I'm a stay home mom, I see TOO much of them. (Those of you who have teenagers can sympathize, I'm sure. LOL!)

 

[MomIsWorried]

Frankly, I'm surprised CSE hasn't already done a review of your case if it's been 7 years. I realize they get very backlogged, but to think a case can sit for 7 years is a little scary. Anyway, I just wanted to say that everyone's got there own opinions here (and bitter experiences are prevelant in several posts on this thread here), but my advice would be to call CSE and request a review. They will not disclose to him that it's you who's requesting the review. At that time, everything can be re-evaluated, including his income, setting an amount toward the arrears, etc. (I wouldn't let those go either. This is money he was responsible for paying for his kids. You were just nice in not enforcing the order for a year.) One thing to keep in mind is you don't necessarily have to go before a judge. You can always "propose" an amount that you think is fair and acceptable and see if he'll agree to it. Another thing to keep in mind is are you going to get true and correct information from him as far as what he's earning now? If he's working for family, will they lie about his salary?

My thoughts exactly. It wouldn't even be a matter of them lying for him ... he does the books, the payroll...he can lie for himself if he feels the need. As I said in a previous post ... this information came to me through our oldest daughter, who works for the same company every other week when she is with the ex. She made a comment one day about how nice it would be to make $XX per hour ... I agreed and said that I don't personally know anyone who makes that kind of money. She said "Yeah you do...that's what dad makes." It seems that she has seen several of her dad's check stubs, and has been with him when he has cashed his paychecks.

As for our wonderful CSE agency ... those people are idiots. I can't begin to tell you how far up their @$$es their heads are. And of course, I had to live in the county with the worst CSEA when I filed for divorce. I swear sometimes I feel like I need to go down there and hold their little hands and walk them through doing their jobs.

 

[xKellyx]

http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/Crc/crc2004.pdf

thought you might find this interesting.

 

[MomIsWorried]

Thanks xKellyx ... I skimmed over it and it looks like very interesting reading. I'll sit down tonight when all is quiet in the house and read the whole thing.

 

[nat23]

mom worried

You shouldnt feel like a bad person at all. If you and your ex have a good relationship then talk to him. He might be making more money now, but you need to consider his personal needs. Was he in a financial bind ? He might be catching up on his past bills. When you do talk to him let him know how much you appreciate him being involved and being a parent to your children. Your goal is to come to an agreement for the best interest for your children. He will respond to you if you talk to him rather then attacking him.