Tough love...

[flameworker]

What is the name of your state? VA

I have a computer program that captures AIM chats and saves them. I intercepted a conversation that my 15 year old daughter was having with a 17 year old girl where the girl wrote that she would be happy to "party" with her and supply her with marijuana and alluded to the possibility of some harder stuff. I am aware of when and where they are supposed to meet.

I would like to scare my daughter "straight" (and the 17 year old, for that matter) but am unsure of how to go about it so that my daughter does not end up criminally involved, i.e. charged with possesion.

Should I alert the school or police before anything happens? I have the incriminating IM saved on my computer. I also have some evidence (names) of people who supply the 17 year old with drugs.

Please help me!

 

[flameworker]

Gee, thanks

You all were so helpful

 

[hexeliebe]

And what LEGAL question did you have?

Listen, you want us to take over your job as a parent then don't beat around the bush about it. Otherwise, this is a LEGAL forum and you asked absolutely no LEGAL question.

 

[Born to Lease]

If you are asking if your child will be implecated and arrested if he/she is present whenever a raid takes place then you can be most confident that your child will not be excused from any responsibility and will be arrested, tried and possibly convicted.

The question you must ask yourself is whether or not this is tough love or just an attempt to scare your child straight. I do not think it is either. I think it is a HUGE mistake to involve law enforcement in parenting. IF YOUR CHILD displays evidence that he/she might be or is considering drug use, or if in your case you eavesdrop on an IM conversation, YOU should immediately talk with your child. Drug abuse is not a game, and while you are plotting your strategy your child just might be losing his/her battle with peer pressure and addiction.

I know it is hard, and there are a lot of 'experts' out there who tell you to go the route you are considering. However, I think it is OUR responsibility as parents to be logical and take action based on the situation that will result in our children receiving whatever action we believe is appropriate based on our communication with them. If our children are communicating signs they are in trouble, then logical appropriate action must be taken according to the child, the situation and the anticipated outcome.

First of all, you only found evidence of the discussion of drugs. You must first ask your child if he/she is planning to participate. If you are completely open and honest with your child, then you stand a lot better chance of getting completely open and honest answers from your child.

It is tough, but you have to accept the fact that you are required to be your teenager's parent...that includes being the person they feel comfortable discussing EVERYTHING with you while AT THE SAME TIME pushing forward even when you are not 'feeling the love' from your child. It is called parenting and when it is done correctly it IS THE TOUGHEST JOB--PERIOD!

It is obvious by your post that you care very deeply for your child and you are very concerned about your child's welfare and safety. There is no easy or simple answer, or solution, to the issues we face as parents.

If you decide to involve the law in your parenting, you better prepare yourself and your child. I tell my teenagers all the time to stay out of trouble/the system, because once you enter the system it is impossible to separate yourself from it as their choices will follow them in various aspects of their lives forever.

My advice at this time, based on the evidence you have that your child is involved in drugs, is to open the lines of communication and keep them open. Tough love starts with love and love is ever present, no matter how tough we have to be as parents who love our children AND that also goes for us--no matter how tough things get for us, we must remain tough and push forward always using logic and NEVER PLAYING GAMES WITH OUR CHILDREN AND THEIR LIVES. It might appear the easier of our choices, and it might be easier than dealing with the issues ourselves directly, but the best approach is one that results in our children making choices that ensure they do what is best for themselves--with our guidance, love, support and discipline!

Good luck!

 

[dequeendistress]

There still remains an absence of a legal QUESTION from the poster.

 

[MelPurvis]

Flameworker,
I agree with Born to Lease and others the ball is in your court. But this is the time for a tough heat to heart not police involvment. If the police get involved here you might live to regret it. They are here to enforce law not scare kids and they are (sometimes?) over zealous. Your daughter might just end up with a record and you a lawyer bill. (and still have a problem) My take (and may not be the right approach and certianly not legal advice) is to tell her, during your heart to heart, that you feel she might be getting into drugs and until you lose that feeling you will do everything possible to intervene. Don't tell her about AIM. It's a good way to measure your success. Then use an commercially available drug test to show her you mean business. Do it a while after the talk. Random Drug Testing. Best of Luck. It beats IAAL advice later when he recommends Brazil. I have three and two are teenagers with the third close behind. May the force be with you.