Erin Marie
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH
We have recently been posed with a choice that we don't know what to do. Let me begin with background information (some of this was disclosed in a previous post asking a different question).
My husband "Joe" has custody of his 9 year old daughter "Sue". He has had custody since 2004. When he was still married to his ex wife "Patty" they lived in Oregon. When they split up, Patty originally had custody. Within a year Patty decided to make a suicide attempt (Patty has a history of mental illness). Friends of Patty called Joe and told him he had 24 hours to come pick up Sue or they would have the county take her. At this point, Joe had already moved back to Ohio to live with his parents until he could get back on his feet.
Joe borrows money from his mother, goes to Oregon, picks up Sue, brings her back to Ohio. When the divorce (done in Oregon after the suicide attempt) was complete, it was decided that Sue should remain with her father in Ohio (full physical and legal custody), Patty should never go off her medications again (and should report proof to Joe about taking her meds), and Patty would be allowed to have Sue visit her in Oregon 6 weeks every summer (pending the taking of her meds) and every other Christmas for 2 weeks.
Since then Joe has married me.
Anyways, while Sue is in Oregon visiting her mother this summer we get a call from Sue and Patty stating that Sue wants to live with her mother and wants to go to school in Oregon this year. Mind you, Sue does have some developmental disorders that we were in the process of having diagnosed prior to her trip out to Oregon (and planned to finish the mental health assessment when she came back). These disorders manifest themselves in her inability to understand or respect boundaries which causes her to not be able to make or keep friends and causes her to have problems in school.
Also, mind you, Patty has never submitted proof that she takes her meds nor given Joe the name and number of her psychiatrist.
While Joe and I know that allowing Sue to live in Oregon won't necessarily solve Sue's problems, he is still contemplating allowing it. Joe does not believe that Patty poses a risk to Sue, although I have apprehensions about it (mostly due to the reason that Patty lost custody to begin with). Also, Patty never has "her own place of residence". She lives with various friends. Currently, she lives with a couple of friends that are expecting their first child. Patty works sporatically (on purpose...she only works when the court makes her and quits the moment they stop watching) and lives in one bedroom of this couple's house (which is a step up from the couch she was living on previously). She claims that the couple has offered to let her babysit the new baby during the day in exchange for a place to live etc. If Sue would move in there, then she would live in the same bedroom with her mother (Sue is 9).
Sue is due back in Ohio on August 18. Patty and Sue both believe that if Joe allows this new arrangement then Sue doesn't even have to come back to Ohio and all will be fine. I know a bit different because I know that Patty can't register Sue for school if she does not have legal custody.
Like I said, my husband, Joe, is contemplating letting Patty keep Sue for a school year. He is not knowledgable of the law and is thinking with his gut as are his ex wife and daughter. I would like to provide a voice of reason in all of this. I would like to lay out for Joe what the process would be to turn over custody to Patty and what the consequences would be (i.e. how long would it take to "give" custody to the bio mother and would it be done in time for school which is 4 weeks away, what financial burden would the process be to us, how could we be assured that we would even see Sue again, etc.).
I fear that if someone doesn't give Joe and Patty the legal truths in black and white before August 18, then a stupid thing would happen: Sue would not come back to Ohio, she would not be able to go to school at all, and we all will be mired in a huge legal quagmire that would do Sue a great misservice.
Please help!
We have recently been posed with a choice that we don't know what to do. Let me begin with background information (some of this was disclosed in a previous post asking a different question).
My husband "Joe" has custody of his 9 year old daughter "Sue". He has had custody since 2004. When he was still married to his ex wife "Patty" they lived in Oregon. When they split up, Patty originally had custody. Within a year Patty decided to make a suicide attempt (Patty has a history of mental illness). Friends of Patty called Joe and told him he had 24 hours to come pick up Sue or they would have the county take her. At this point, Joe had already moved back to Ohio to live with his parents until he could get back on his feet.
Joe borrows money from his mother, goes to Oregon, picks up Sue, brings her back to Ohio. When the divorce (done in Oregon after the suicide attempt) was complete, it was decided that Sue should remain with her father in Ohio (full physical and legal custody), Patty should never go off her medications again (and should report proof to Joe about taking her meds), and Patty would be allowed to have Sue visit her in Oregon 6 weeks every summer (pending the taking of her meds) and every other Christmas for 2 weeks.
Since then Joe has married me.
Anyways, while Sue is in Oregon visiting her mother this summer we get a call from Sue and Patty stating that Sue wants to live with her mother and wants to go to school in Oregon this year. Mind you, Sue does have some developmental disorders that we were in the process of having diagnosed prior to her trip out to Oregon (and planned to finish the mental health assessment when she came back). These disorders manifest themselves in her inability to understand or respect boundaries which causes her to not be able to make or keep friends and causes her to have problems in school.
Also, mind you, Patty has never submitted proof that she takes her meds nor given Joe the name and number of her psychiatrist.
While Joe and I know that allowing Sue to live in Oregon won't necessarily solve Sue's problems, he is still contemplating allowing it. Joe does not believe that Patty poses a risk to Sue, although I have apprehensions about it (mostly due to the reason that Patty lost custody to begin with). Also, Patty never has "her own place of residence". She lives with various friends. Currently, she lives with a couple of friends that are expecting their first child. Patty works sporatically (on purpose...she only works when the court makes her and quits the moment they stop watching) and lives in one bedroom of this couple's house (which is a step up from the couch she was living on previously). She claims that the couple has offered to let her babysit the new baby during the day in exchange for a place to live etc. If Sue would move in there, then she would live in the same bedroom with her mother (Sue is 9).
Sue is due back in Ohio on August 18. Patty and Sue both believe that if Joe allows this new arrangement then Sue doesn't even have to come back to Ohio and all will be fine. I know a bit different because I know that Patty can't register Sue for school if she does not have legal custody.
Like I said, my husband, Joe, is contemplating letting Patty keep Sue for a school year. He is not knowledgable of the law and is thinking with his gut as are his ex wife and daughter. I would like to provide a voice of reason in all of this. I would like to lay out for Joe what the process would be to turn over custody to Patty and what the consequences would be (i.e. how long would it take to "give" custody to the bio mother and would it be done in time for school which is 4 weeks away, what financial burden would the process be to us, how could we be assured that we would even see Sue again, etc.).
I fear that if someone doesn't give Joe and Patty the legal truths in black and white before August 18, then a stupid thing would happen: Sue would not come back to Ohio, she would not be able to go to school at all, and we all will be mired in a huge legal quagmire that would do Sue a great misservice.
Please help!
