Transportation Issue

[wileybunch]

2M, your ex is just like DH's ex, I'm not even kidding.

I would say nothing at all for now.

But, I do have a question because you said your order is "silent" on transportation? Huh? I've been under the impression your order says MOM has to provide the transportation because she moved away. If it does not say that and is truly silent on transportation, then that would really change things.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Print the emails; stop at the sheriffs office on the way home and ask for a standby. Who did you say was stopping by on Friday?

 

[wileybunch]

She was so normal when we got married. And for the 10 years we were married. And for the 1st year after the divorce.

I don't know what's going on with her now. I won't diagnose her, because I'm not an MD, but I do know (from when we were married) that personality disorders run in both sides of her family. Her mother was diagnosed with Narsastic (sp?) Personality disorder. Several of her sisters were diagnosed with personality disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, I think.) I believe there might be some bi-polar mixed in from her dad's side.

When she and I were married, we used to joke that she was the only normal one in her family. Now? Not so sure.

Ha! The joke was on you. DH and his ex apparently used to joke the same way. But, truth be told, DH *DID* see the markings in his ex, but chose to ignore them. They got married young and he had misgivings before marrying and pushed them out of his mind. (also talking about borderline type personality) As with a lot of borderline types, they can seem so magnanimous and interested in you, but often that's just because they need the adoration back, but don't ever be on the opposing side of such a person. Her immaturity is another thing. The cutting comments she made to you and then to your DW -- that's not necessarily borderline, that's someone whose emotional development was halted back in adolescence. I don't know how old she is, but DH's ex is 45 and it just sounds weirder and weirder come out of the mouth of a "mature" woman, but in DH's ex's family, these people (and they're all apparently women) never stop. They even stir up unbelievable stuff in the nursing home. In a weaker moment, DH has called his ex "Grandma Woods" a time or two to her because EVERYONE knew what troublemaker she was.

ETA: 2Mistakes, you've mentioned that your current DW also have borderline pers disorder which is so amazing to me because her honest selflessness - not b/c she views people as commodities to be bought and sold and give me what I want or I'll make your life hell - is so uncharacteristic of a person with BPD.

 

[2Mistakes]

2M, your ex is just like DH's ex, I'm not even kidding.

I would say nothing at all for now.

But, I do have a question because you said your order is "silent" on transportation? Huh? I've been under the impression your order says MOM has to provide the transportation because she moved away. If it does not say that and is truly silent on transportation, then that would really change things.

Nope, completely silent. It just outlines WHEN she has the kids. It doesn't say a word about HOW she gets them.

We had an attorney draw it up, and I guess it never crossed my mind to have it addressed. Of course we were getting along then, and everything was all rosy.

In the modification that was filed, in addition to CS being increased, I've also asked that it be ordered that mom provide transportation, and I was even willing to have it in the order that when I am able to provide 1/2 the transportation, I will do so. The attorney said to leave it out. He said if that was in there, the first time I wasn't able to, she'd have me back in court. He suggested leave it that mom is responsible, and then if I want to help her out and provide 1/2 of the transportation, I can. But he didn't want me to set myself up for a possible contempt hearing down the road.

Granted he doesn't think that it would hold any water if we did have it in there that when I was able to provide 1/2 of the transportation I would do so, and then I couldn't, and she filed for contempt. He said most likely it would be thrown out because it wouldn't state that I HAD to, only that I would if I was able.

His point was why have something in the order that she could file about? Even if her chances of winning are almost non-existent, why go abck to court?

 

[wileybunch]

Then I'm confused.
If the order is silent about transportation, why do you assume the burden is on Mom to pick the kids up? And, you have already established a pattern of meeting 1/2 way, even if you are sending someone else in your place. Mom's a , but I do now think she has a point.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since the issue is NOT addressed, it would go back to state law.

Now, since it's not addressed, mom cannot go to court and hope for contempt.

 

[2Mistakes]

Ha! The joke was on you. DH and his ex apparently used to joke the same way. But, truth be told, DH *DID* see the markings in his ex, but chose to ignore them. They got married young and he had misgivings before marrying and pushed them out of his mind. (also talking about borderline type personality) As with a lot of borderline types, they can seem so magnanimous and interested in you, but often that's just because they need the adoration back, but don't ever be on the opposing side of such a person. Her immaturity is another thing. The cutting comments she made to you and then to your DW -- that's not necessarily borderline, that's someone whose emotional development was halted back in adolescence. I don't know how old she is, but DH's ex is 45 and it just sounds weirder and weirder come out of the mouth of a "mature" woman, but in DH's ex's family, these people (and they're all apparently women) never stop. They even stir up unbelievable stuff in the nursing home. In a weaker moment, DH has called his ex "Grandma Woods" a time or two to her because EVERYONE knew what troublemaker she was.

ETA: 2Mistakes, you've mentioned that your current DW also have borderline pers disorder which is so amazing to me because her honest selflessness - not b/c she views people as commodities to be bought and sold and give me what I want or I'll make your life hell - is so uncharacteristic of a person with BPD.

My wife actually has Bipolar Disorder, which I may have abbreviated as BPD, not realizing that that acronym was for a different disorder.

At one time, years ago, my wife was misdiagnosed by a LCSW with Borderline Pers. Disorder. It wasn't until last November that she had her first really major manic episode, and sought a phychiatrist and was diagnosed with Bipolar. She is an extremely rapid cycler, with mostly hypomanic episodes, so it was a little hard to make the diagnosis.

She does extremely well now that she is on Lamictal. I'm not going to lie, there was a period of time that I wondered if she and I were going to make it. But I knew that inside, she was a good person, and I wasn't willing to give up on her. Now that she has a correct diagnosis and the proper medication, that good person I always saw on the inside of her can come out and shine as bright as the sun.

 

[2Mistakes]

Then I'm confused.
If the order is silent about transportation, why do you assume the burden is on Mom to pick the kids up? And, you have already established a pattern of meeting 1/2 way, even if you are sending someone else in your place. Mom's a , but I do now think she has a point.

I do see your point. At the time this order was made, mom lived in S. Florida, and said that she would fly the kids down to see her. And that's how it went until Nov. 2007. When she moved to Pensacola, she would drive over here and pick them up.

After a few times of that, my wife made the offer to meet her 1/2 way in Mobile to help her out, BUT it was agreed by BOTH of them (via email) that if my wife ever couldn't make it, the ex would come get them. The ex was like 'Yeah, that's only fair. You're just doing this to help me out, so if you can't, you can't and I'll just come get them.'

This is the first time since then that my wife can't, and all hell breaks loose.

 

[2Mistakes]

Going back to how your DH's ex was young, etc. it's a similar story for me and my ex. We were high school sweethearts. She got pregnant. We married in June of 1993, and the oldest was born in Nov. 1993. We got married because of the pregnancy, but we really did love each other and were planning to get married, but not that soon.

When oldest was born, ex was 18 and I was 21. The odds were against us lasting, really. The middle child was born in 1996, and she was a "happy accident" (birth control failed.) The youngest, born in 2002, was planned. We wanted to try for a boy, and we got him. Things were actually pretty good, or so I thought.

Not long after our 10 year anniversary, I caught her in bed with my best friend (who is NOT my bff now!) This was just a few days after we got back from the suprise trip I took her on to Paris for our anniversary.

I went and stayed with my parents that night, and when I came home the next day, she had divorce papers there for me to sign. I signed them, and the rest is history.

She is now 34. She told me at the time of the divorce she was bored with the family life, and felt that she had missed out on her youth.

So I think that's where she is now, reliving her youth.

Sorry to get all Dr. Philish, but that's the history of the Hosebeast and I.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Can you print out the email where your ex agreed to that if wife couldn't meet, she would get kiddos?

 

[Bucky41]

Can you print out the email where your ex agreed to that if wife couldn't meet, she would get kiddos?

I was wondering if he should forward that e-mail to EX as a 'reminder' of what had been status quo...

 

[CJane]

Um, if your order is silent on transportation, it's generally assumed that transportation is split - one parent drops off, the other picks up.

So Mom isn't going to WIN this one... but neither are you. Plan to pick up in Pensacola.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Um, if your order is silent on transportation, it's generally assumed that transportation is split - one parent drops off, the other picks up.

So Mom isn't going to WIN this one... but neither are you. Plan to pick up in Pensacola.

Is that always the case with a move-away? Mom's the one who moved away.

I got the split on transportation costs only cuz my X didn't know better. I didn't either at the time - my attorney did though.

 

[haiku]

Um, if your order is silent on transportation, it's generally assumed that transportation is split - one parent drops off, the other picks up.

So Mom isn't going to WIN this one... but neither are you. Plan to pick up in Pensacola.

I agree. It would seem the most logical way when it is not addressed would be if you want the kids and its your time, you go all the way to get them. if she comes all the way up, you get to go to Pensacola.

 

[2Mistakes]

Um, if your order is silent on transportation, it's generally assumed that transportation is split - one parent drops off, the other picks up.

So Mom isn't going to WIN this one... but neither are you. Plan to pick up in Pensacola.

Assumed by who?

I can't find any MS statutes that address transportation when a parent moves away. But I'm going to keep looking.

The only thing I have found was an article written by a Jackson, MS divorce attorney on his website that states:
Transportation for visitation is the responsibility of the non-custodial parent unless the order provides otherwise.

I wish he had cited where he is coming up with this, as I don't know if this is a reliable source of information.