Troublesome Teenager

[sschneider]

I live in maryland, montgomery county. I have a 16 year old son that is on probation, been in court ordered drug rehab, locked up in detention and was arrested last night in ocean city MD for tresspassing, Alcohol and Marijuana possesion. He was taken to Delaware for detainment and I have been asked to pick him up.

I am tired of all this. The history of runaways, Failure to attend school, Drug and Alcohol arrests, mental and verbal abuse has taken its toll on my wife and I.

I DONT want to pick him up. How can he learn if we always bail him out, buy good lawyers and protect him from his actions? We have spent thousands on Lawyers, Private school, counceling, therapy, child support to the state etc. etc. etc. for the past three years.

We were told we MUST pick him up that it is our "Legal" responsibility.

What is the Law here? What about emancipation? This kid has cost me a small fortune and its time to protect me, not him! Its not about the money its just we feel we have done everything in our power to help him but it only seems that he gets worse.

Any suggestions?

 

[LegalBeagle]

I live in maryland, montgomery county. I have a 16 year old son that is on probation, been in court ordered drug rehab, locked up in detention and was arrested last night in ocean city MD for tresspassing, Alcohol and Marijuana possesion. He was taken to Delaware for detainment and I have been asked to pick him up.

I am tired of all this. The history of runaways, Failure to attend school, Drug and Alcohol arrests, mental and verbal abuse has taken its toll on my wife and I.

I DONT want to pick him up. How can he learn if we always bail him out, buy good lawyers and protect him from his actions? We have spent thousands on Lawyers, Private school, counceling, therapy, child support to the state etc. etc. etc. for the past three years.

We were told we MUST pick him up that it is our "Legal" responsibility.

What is the Law here? What about emancipation? This kid has cost me a small fortune and its time to protect me, not him! Its not about the money its just we feel we have done everything in our power to help him but it only seems that he gets worse.

Any suggestions?

1. You must pick him up.. or expect charges against you and a huge bill for looking after him.

2. They will not let you emancipate him since the state (and taxpayers) do not want to pick up the bill for his crimes.

Basically, you remain fully responsible until he turns 18.

 

[micdan83193]

troubled teen

dear parent--i can fully sympathize with you--we were in the same situation five years ago, and i wish we had done things differently--we had an option here in indiana to have him made a ward of the state, which is not the same as emancipation, but rather would have placed him in foster care, as he was and still is truly incorrigible--unfortunately, we don't possess a crystal ball, and therefore stuck our necks out for him time and time again--he is now 21, unmarried, has a 2 yr old child, has 2 different girls pregnant, no job, no schooling, and walks around in a drug-induced haze--i am not saying this will happen, only to point out that it could--you also might check into a state rehab program, that has a good history, and see about long-term commitment--other than that, i wish you luck!!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Get both of your Passports. Take him to another country. Drop him off. You return to the States. Problem solved - - permanently.

IAAL

 

[LegalBeagle]

What country are we up to IAAL, I think Ecuador is next..

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What country are we up to IAAL, I think Ecuador is next..

My response:

Actually, druggies can be quite savvy and resourceful when it comes to emergency situations. Therefore, I'd make sure he's dropped off in a different hemisphere. Like, drop him off in Lithuania.

How about Bikini Island ? Let the kid "glow" for awhile.

That'll teach the little b a s t a r d.

IAAL

 

[LegalBeagle]

Mmmm nice idea.. but getting him there would be a problem.. I am pretty sure that Delta does not do a regular service to that area ..

 

[sschneider]

Well, not exactly the response I wanted. Bummer!

I figured I was up a creek without a paddle as far as leaving him in Delaware. Interestingly enough, I declined to pick him up until I left work and then I would have a three-hour drive to get to Delaware. The state became weary of waiting and He was released on a $1000 unsecured bond that was signed by him.

I am sure that I will be responsible for the bond if he fails to appear in Delaware for his trial date in September.

Do I have to show up?

I would really like to Greyhound him there, let the state defend and see how bad he gets it! I REFUSE to pay for a "Good" Attorney. If I get a "Good" attorney, it's for me. Last time I hired one of the best, he got off from a weapons charge that he was admittedly involved in (fired a 22 cal in the direction of a woman) on some cheap technicality. The two other boys had states attorneys and are still incarcerated!

I like the idea of Bikini Island, Best yet! You all forgot to take away the Visa's before you skated the country where you left the kid. Makes it harder for him to return. Maybe Turkey and plant some Hashish on him. Don't get me wrong, I really care about this kid but at some point you have to say - ENOUGH! I had somewhat of a sordid past but at least I knew where boundaries were. Out of five children, this kid is the only one that is clearly anti-social.

My next move is to call his PO and let him in on the latest. His PO promised him that if there were any more VOP's (3 so far) that he was going to camp for at least 1 Year to 18 months. That sounds like enough time for me and my wife to get our lives back in order. Also he would come out 18 years old and have a really great birthday present on the curb. His cloths!

 

[LegalBeagle]

Last time I hired one of the best, he got off from a weapons charge that he was admittedly involved in (fired a 22 cal in the direction of a woman) on some cheap technicality. The two other boys had states attorneys and are still incarcerated!

This was a big mistake. Your son took a gun and fired it 'towards' a women. This was your opportunity to get rid of him and shake him up a little. The question is, what are you going to say to the family of the person he may one day kill.. all as a result of having a good attorney and being told it is ok to break the law.

 

[sschneider]

Actually, he did not fire or posses the gun. That I am grateful for. He was, however, knowingly with the boy who had the gun, fired it at "A rabbit" and was with them when they hid the gun and lied about it.

The boy who actually fired the weapon received much more severe charges and rightly so. The other two boys, one being my son, received lesser charges. My son escaped these lesser charges due to some stupid technicality and the woman (victim) lying to the officer to make it sound worse and admitting she had poor eye sight and could never identify him. She was caught in the lie and our lawyer took advantage.

All this after my son confessed to everything and told the story to police. There was also some issue with the method of questioning.

Although he did not fire the gun, he was involved to some degree and I felt he should have some consequence but the state and the lawyers saw it differently. I could have applied some consequence of my own but that has turned out to be a futile act over the last year.

Enough on this and thanks for the initial advice and answer. This is not a forum on child rearing and I will not clog the forum with irrelevant matter.

Thanks

 

[micdan83193]

troublesome teen

i know you said enough, but i have to add my 2cents worth--the one thing we did was call the police and hold our son until they showed up, because he had a large quantity of pot on him, and made the mistake of telling us we couldn't do anything about it--he had to serve 6 months in boot-camp--he is still somewhat angry about this from 5 years ago, but he did gain a lot of respect, and learned not to pucsh too far--this is called TOUGH LOVE