Trying to divorce husband w/ mental issues-keep him away from son?

[andria1973]

Indiana
I wanted a divorce from my husband. Since I have told him he has went wacko. He kidnapped our son one night. He's been fired from 2 jobs for yelling at his boss. He terrorized me for 2 hours one night, locking me out of our house, following me around the house, wouldn't let me use the bathroom without him there, etc. After that night I moved out (for the second time). 4 days later he tried to commit suicide and was committed for 5 days. Should I be getting a restraining order to keep him away from me and our son? Can I get one to keep him away from our son? I am afraid of what he's going to do next. Yeah, I know, he is the kid's father, and I am the one who chose him, and I will have to deal with him forever. But can I/should I get a restraining order to keep myself and my son safe?

 

[howamidoing]

Indiana
I wanted a divorce from my husband. Since I have told him he has went wacko. He kidnapped our son one night. He's been fired from 2 jobs for yelling at his boss. He terrorized me for 2 hours one night, locking me out of our house, following me around the house, wouldn't let me use the bathroom without him there, etc. After that night I moved out (for the second time). 4 days later he tried to commit suicide and was committed for 5 days. Should I be getting a restraining order to keep him away from me and our son? Can I get one to keep him away from our son? I am afraid of what he's going to do next. Yeah, I know, he is the kid's father, and I am the one who chose him, and I will have to deal with him forever. But can I/should I get a restraining order to keep myself and my son safe?

He didnt kidnap him, he is the father.Has he tried to hurt you or your son? Im not sure you could be granted a restraining order if there is no proof or evidence that he has tried to hurt you or your son. It looks like he is only trying to hurt himself. I would be careful, but Im not sure you can do that just yet.In the mean time where are you and where is Dad?

 

[andria1973]

I am living w/ my parents. The father is still in the home we used to share. I call it kidnapping because I arrived home early in the AM to find that he woke up our 2-yr-old son at 2AM to remove him from our home just to spite me. And when I saw my husband he would not tell me where our son was. To me that is kidnapping! As far as him trying to hurt me, he has let the air out of the tires of my car. But he really has not tried to physically harm us yet. Do we have to get hurt before we can get help? I am truly afraid of what will happen next. Isn't that enough?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline number 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) they can give you advice and assistance in obtaining a restraining order. Can your parents help?

Why were you comming home early in the morning? I ask because if you were comming home after work, that is one thing, if you were out with friends, that is another thing. We can't give appropriate advice without the facts and all we get is your side of the story. He as the father has rights, but it is the best interest of the child that is the issue.

 

[casa]

Not to pry, but why were you coming home early in the a.m.? And where did he take your son?

I think the things that need to be considered, (some of MANY), are: Does he have a mental disorder or was he acting out over grief/frustration of the ending of the relationship? If he has a mental disorder, does he take medication (or should he?) Has he ever been violent and if so, do you have documentation of it?

Most courts have mediators and evaluators who help by looking into your life or meeting with both parents to determine what will in the best interest of the child.

 

[lparty]

They may not give you a restraining order; however, you may be able to have him aressted for harassment or disorderly conduct. If this behavior continues they may then be able to give you a restraining order. I went through the same thing. The comissioner told me that even though he was trying to kick my door in and threating to kill me and himself, that was not grounds for a restraining order because he had not touched me that night. Doesen't matter that he had in the past. The comissioner told me to just keep calling the police when he comes back. I then asked why he could not be aressted for harassment or disorderly conduct? The comissioner agreed that they could do that. It just really annoyed me that I'm the one who had to come up with an alternative to the restraining order. Then if they keep harrassing you that could be considered stalking and you may have a better chance of getting a restraining order. In addition, you are the one who is going to have to insist they lock him up on some kind of charges.

 

[KKHeuser]

They may not give you a restraining order; however, you may be able to have him aressted for harassment or disorderly conduct. If this behavior continues they may then be able to give you a restraining order. I went through the same thing. The comissioner told me that even though he was trying to kick my door in and threating to kill me and himself, that was not grounds for a restraining order because he had not touched me that night. Doesen't matter that he had in the past. The comissioner told me to just keep calling the police when he comes back. I then asked why he could not be aressted for harassment or disorderly conduct? The comissioner agreed that they could do that. It just really annoyed me that I'm the one who had to come up with an alternative to the restraining order. Then if they keep harrassing you that could be considered stalking and you may have a better chance of getting a restraining order. In addition, you are the one who is going to have to insist they lock him up on some kind of charges.

Is it any wonder why there are so many spousal murders and murder/suicides. It's like everything else in this screwed up world. Did you know if you are over 21 but under 65 it doesn't matter if you're unemployed or uninsured you can't qualify for Medicaid unless you have CANCER!!! I can only wonder exactly which brainiac government officials made up these stupid laws.

 

[casa]

I have a nutty X- not diagnosed as crazy, per say, but nutty none the less. He would follow me, show up at all times, come into my home, threaten me with custody action, make a scene in front of our child etc etc etc~ I filed for a harassment restraining order and got it. Even after that he kept it up. Broke the restraining order multiple times- but wasn't prosecuted because he hadn't physically hurt me. Still the order does encourage him to focus more on our child and less on me. When he did break the order, law enforcement was always helpful and protective.

One thing I did to diffuse the situation is not try to keep my child from him- Just keep him away from Me. Which meant we meet in public place for pick ups and he doesn't feel like I'm keeping him from our child. I also took friends and family members for exchanges to witness his behavior & also to encourage him to behave himself.

He is still nutty once in awhile, but it has lessened over time.

Definately go to court for a restraining order if he's threatening you or scaring the children. Try to have someone around when you have to interract with him so you have witness' to his behavior. Keep documentation of all police reports. If the order is granted and he breaks it, report it every single time until they add up.

I'm still stacking up my nutty Xs infractions hoping one day the pile will be enough for the judge to actually punish him

 

[andria1973]

Does it matter why or where I was coming home early in the AM? My husband was in our home with our son asleep in his crib. He woke up our 2-yr-old at 2 AM took him out of his own bed and his own house just to piss me off. I work at night and I went out with friends after work because I needed a break from my psycho husband. And he wouldn't tell me where he took our son. I had to just randomly call people that we know to find him. Is that enough info for you? And after his stay in the hospital they did put him on medication. If he's taking it I don't know. I moved out Nov 20.

 

[stealth2]

My husband was in our home with our son asleep in his crib. He woke up our 2-yr-old at 2 AM took him out of his own bed and his own house just to piss me off.

And he's allowed to do that as the child's father. Ya know, tho.... the court's going to wonder why - if he's so unfit to be with the child - you left him in charge not only while you worked, but while you partied.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

And he's allowed to do that as the child's father. Ya know, tho.... the court's going to wonder why - if he's so unfit to be with the child - you left him in charge not only while you worked, but while you partied.

Yup, and when the judge asks the father why he removed his child from the house, he'll say because mom didn't come home and went partying and he was just protecting the child. Two sides to every story, we all picked up on the issue here.
OP, just remember the judge will listen to both sides of the story, and medication may be less an issue than you going off and partying with your friends if you were so worried about your psycho husband. If you have a drinking oe substance abuse problem, you better do something about it now.

 

[andria1973]

I don't understand how the husband is protecting the child by waking him at 2am and removing him from his own home and his own crib. How is the mother hurting the child by going out to relieve stress instead of coming home to be argued at by the husband? And for your info, I didn't know the husband was becoming a psycho until that very night. He always watched our son when I went to work. It must be all men who are responding in this negative, "mom's a whore" way. Because if the father were to come home late nothing would be said, I'm sure. I thought society had evolved by now. Well, at least now I see what kind of sexist thinking I am up against. And suddenly I am some druggie/alcoholic bad mother because I went out one time? Jesus, I'm done pleading my case here. It's a losing battle. Can you all say that you never go out to have fun? Everyone needs a break. It helps them to be better parents and better people. At least I didn't hire some strange babysitter, our son was with his father. I have never hired a babysitter. Can you all say that? Our son is always with me, his father or his grandparents. I am a stay at home mom who also works 20-40 hours at night. When am I allowed to blow off steam? You just let me know what would be acceptable. Thanks for nothing from all of you who responded negatively. And thanks for all your helpful responses who I know came from women.

 

[stealth2]

It must be all men who are responding in this negative, "mom's a whore" way. Because if the father were to come home late nothing would be said, I'm sure. I thought society had evolved by now. Well, at least now I see what kind of sexist thinking I am up against. ..... And thanks for all your helpful responses who I know came from women.

Would you like to guess who the one with sexist thinking REALLY is, dear?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I don't understand how the husband is protecting the child by waking him at 2am and removing him from his own home and his own crib. How is the mother hurting the child by going out to relieve stress instead of coming home to be argued at by the husband? And for your info, I didn't know the husband was becoming a psycho until that very night. He always watched our son when I went to work. It must be all men who are responding in this negative, "mom's a whore" way. Because if the father were to come home late nothing would be said, I'm sure. I thought society had evolved by now. Well, at least now I see what kind of sexist thinking I am up against. And suddenly I am some druggie/alcoholic bad mother because I went out one time? Jesus, I'm done pleading my case here. It's a losing battle. Can you all say that you never go out to have fun? Everyone needs a break. It helps them to be better parents and better people. At least I didn't hire some strange babysitter, our son was with his father. I have never hired a babysitter. Can you all say that? Our son is always with me, his father or his grandparents. I am a stay at home mom who also works 20-40 hours at night. When am I allowed to blow off steam? You just let me know what would be acceptable. Thanks for nothing from all of you who responded negatively. And thanks for all your helpful responses who I know came from women.

Hey, the judge will see through you in no time at all, so don't even play the sextist card, BTW, most if not all the members who have responded to you are women Obviously you withheld important facts because you wanted people to give you certain advice, you didn't like what you received. 1 time or 100 times, obviously your husband felt that your behavior jeopardized your child in some way and it is not him that is suddenly going psycho, but him standing up to you abusing your role as a parent. As you stated, you had your husband and grandparents to watch your child so you had plenty of opportunities to get a break without going out in the middle of the night, partying.

 

[worriedmomof4]

In a country where you are innocent before proven guilty you have a better chance for a fair trial. This site obviously is design as a power trip for those with very little information to pass judgement. I have been a mother for 20 years. In that time I have went out and stayed out passed 2am, so I must be a drunken whore as well. I did it a total of 5 times in those 20 years, had I asked advice and gave the same situation I am sure that I would have had the same response. What a shame, I have seen some advice that was direct to the point an sometimes not exactly what the person requesting the advice wanted to hear, none the less, the forum looks to be a site where judgements may be handed down by members instead of God or a judge.
Good luck with your situation and maybe once the shock of the divorce has been accepted by the father he will return back to himself, you both have a lot of issues that need to be identified with such a tramatic change in life about to occur.