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Trying to take parental rights and "I" didnt do anything wrong

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What is the name of your state? IOWA

Tonight i got served with papers, "Child In Need Of Assistance" petition, because my ex Girl friend whom I had A daughter with, let her boyfriend watch my daughter whle she was at work- and she ended up getting a spiral fracture in her leg- my daughter told the Protective services people that the guy who did it was mad and pulled on her leg- the story i got from her mother was that she fell- prior to receiveing this petition. I dont have much contact with my daughter because id would rather not have anything to do with her mother. so i dont really know whats going on, but i do believe that my ex is not a good mother or even fit to have another human being dependent on her. I few months ago i called the DHS on her because she was accusing some guy of teaching a dog to molest my daughter- i thought that they would take her away then, but they did not, she keeps leaving my daughter with young drug abusing people, and often stays at different mens houses. and i have a problem with young men being around my daughter.

so anyway the DHS took my daughter from my ex a couple days ago, and just served me papers tonight that say i need to go to a hearing.in the papers it says some stuff about me that i believe to be bordline liable, it says" Putative father has also had numerous police contacts, many of the domestic disturbance and restraining order violation variety" for one i have never been arrested for two the domestic disturbance was my ex hitting ME and ME calling the cops and having her arrested, and they judge she saw filed a no contact order between the two of us, but didnt send me a copy, so i called her a couple days later and asked her if i could come and get my stuff that was at her house ( i had like $2000 worth of guitar stuff there) and she said that there was a no contact order and hung up on me and called the police, they called me and threatened me, and told me that they were comming to arrest me, but when they finally figured out that i had no clue about the no contact order they appoligzed. a couple weeks later i called down to the police station to see if they would help me get my stuff back from my ex's house, they asked what i needed and i told them my guitar stuff and they said that i could only collect personal items such as toothbrushes and such, but told me that if i had someone else call and ask my ex's mother if i could pick up my stuff or if she could arrange for me to get it somewhere, so i had my stepfather call but no one answered and, about an hour later i had the cops calling me and threatening to arrest me again, but when i finally explained that i didnt call and the call wasnt meant for my ex it was meant for her mother who owned the house, so i could get my stuff. they helpedme arrange a time to have my parents come and get my stuff for me. and they did and i didnt have a problem from there on- and on thoses occasions that i just explained i never did anything wrong, but on this petition they are wording it so that it sound as if im some sort of stalker. and i think they are trying to take both of our parental rights away, im not sure what to do about this, i always knew that my ex would mess up and gett my daughter taken away from her, but how did they implement me into all of this, why do they want to take my parental rights away, im not a criminal or a trouble maker and have served my coutry on active duty and am currently in the national guard, and i definatly dont want my daughter to grow up in foster care. im really lost as to why they didnt notify me when this happened and what i can do to get my daughter out of this bad situation. and if the statement about me wasnt so vauge, id sue the DA for liable, because its clearly trying to make me sound bad- and i think im goiing to call him tomorrow and share my displeasure in the wording of his statement
 


Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
You do not even know the meaning of being a father. What you know is all about you. You complain about the care of your child, yet you do not care for your child.

grow up dude, who gives a crap about your guitar?
 
M

mulderng

Guest
First and foremost you need to get copies of all of the paperwork that was ever filed with the police, protective services and with the courts. Everything should be documented, including the phone conversations between you and the police. They are usually required to submit a report. You will need copies of all of these as well. It is a matter of public record, so you should not have any trouble as long as you personally retrieve them. Usually there are small fees involved.
Second, it is highly advisable that you hire an attorney, or at least consult one. If you cannot afford one, you may be able to contact legal aid for assistance. If there were ever any findings of abuse on her behalf, you may have a case that legal aid will assist you with. If that fails, I strongly suggest you document everything that you can regarding your child. You will need dates, times, names.......everything. The more you have to substantiate your case, the better.
The key thing to remember here is what is in your child’s best interest. You need to remove your feelings and speak about facts. If you slander or blame anyone, it is usually misconstrued and usually people look at you sideways. It is VITAL to stick to the facts. I agree with PARADISE insofar as you need to forget about the petty stuff you and your ex battled over. However, I feel that PARADISE is incredibly judgmental and presumptuous in his reply. Considering the fact that people write to this forum requesting assistance, not criticism. After all PARADISE, we all live in glass houses.
Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.
--Romans 12:21
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I have to say that some things here simply make no sense. If you don't feel the mother is fit - why haven't you taken action to gain custody of the child? Why, if you have objections to what Mom is doing, haven't you made sure to be a presence in your daughter's life to ensure that she's safe and well-treated? When the two of you split up, why were you more concerned with getting your guitar stuff than with the welfare of your child - or in protecting your rights as a parent?

I suspect a judge will be interested in the answers to those (and likely more) questions before he considers releasing the child to you. I would also suggest you get an attorney ASAP.
 
--PARIDISE-- said:
You do not even know the meaning of being a father. What you know is all about you. You complain about the care of your child, yet you do not care for your child.

grow up dude, who gives a crap about your guitar?

Im sorry i wasnt around to care for my daughter- i was defending my country.

its easy for you to judge what i have said and think you know the whole story, thats a very simplified version

i havent been seeing my daughter because 1st i was in the army for 2 years 2nd there was a no contact order for a year 3rd after I called DHS my ex told me that she wasnt going to let me have anything to do with her anymore
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
For starters - what you post is what is responded to. If you choose to only include some of the relevant facts, don't get pissy when that's what people form an opinion on. We're not mind readers, ya know?

Second - the no contact order would not have barred you from seeking visitation with a third party p/u and drop-off.

Third - if you had court-ordered visitation rights, Mom would not have been able to legally keep you from being involved.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
For starters - what you post is what is responded to. If you choose to only include some of the relevant facts, don't get pissy when that's what people form an opinion on. We're not mind readers, ya know?

Second - the no contact order would not have barred you from seeking visitation with a third party p/u and drop-off.

Third - if you had court-ordered visitation rights, Mom would not have been able to legally keep you from being involved.

I would also like to point out that the letter he recieved called him the "putative" father. Which means that he hasn't even established paternity....therefore he obviously isn't paying child support either.
 
--PARIDISE-- said:
You do not even know the meaning of being a father. What you know is all about you. You complain about the care of your child, yet you do not care for your child.

grow up dude, who gives a crap about your guitar?

oh im sorry im wrong for wanting my 1000 dollar guitar and my 1200 dollar amp back. I do complain about the care of my daughter, because so far she has had her leg broken by some guy, and was supposedly molested by another, her mom is always ditching her with people. and uses all sorts of different drugs- and about the thing about me not careing for my daughter, well ive thought about taking her mom to court to get coustody, but i was told by a lawyer that my chances were slim to none because here in iowa they dont like to give coustody to fathers.
I was told to wait untill she messes up, and then try then.
and no i havent been around alot, sorry i was in the army and lived on the other side of the country. and when i came back she was already calling some other guy dad, and every time i have any little dispute with my daughters mother she disappears for months, ive said that i was going to take her to court to get coustody and she said that she would dissappear- Yeah maybe i dont really know what its like to be a real father like you- but i have tried- at least im concerned about her wellbeing.

your comments just pissed me off, are you stupid?? i didnt ask you to critique me, i asked why are they trying to do this to me. some people should hop off the high horses..

so fu*k you, but have a nice day!
 

carofl93

Member
chrisdizz22 said:
Im sorry i wasnt around to care for my daughter- i was defending my country.

its easy for you to judge what i have said and think you know the whole story, thats a very simplified version

i havent been seeing my daughter because 1st i was in the army for 2 years 2nd there was a no contact order for a year 3rd after I called DHS my ex told me that she wasnt going to let me have anything to do with her anymore

My husband is defending our country (has been deployed 3 times and sent to Japan once), yet he still manages to be a father to 3 and a half kids. He hated his ex wife to the strongest point, but while she had custody of their daughter, he would still contact the child. You can't let your hatred for the mother stop you from being a father....if you do, then she wins. It's good now that you see the light and that you want to do something for your child. If you're scared that she's going to take the child and run, do something about it. Go to court. Talk to the judge. Get a lawyer...there are pro bono attys who can give you advice. Do anything you can to get that kid out of that hellhole! We fought for 2 years and got custody of my hubby's daughter, so it is possible for a man to win. Don't let the ex win...let your child win.
 

AHA

Senior Member
Just forget about material possessions and go fight for your kid. A lost guitarr and amp is something you'll get over, not saving your daughter from abuse and neglect and government child service system is not.
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
chrisdizz22 said:
oh im sorry im wrong for wanting my 1000 dollar guitar and my 1200 dollar amp back. I do complain about the care of my daughter, because so far she has had her leg broken by some guy, and was supposedly molested by another, her mom is always ditching her with people. and uses all sorts of different drugs- and about the thing about me not careing for my daughter, well ive thought about taking her mom to court to get coustody, but i was told by a lawyer that my chances were slim to none because here in iowa they dont like to give coustody to fathers.
I was told to wait untill she messes up, and then try then.
and no i havent been around alot, sorry i was in the army and lived on the other side of the country. and when i came back she was already calling some other guy dad, and every time i have any little dispute with my daughters mother she disappears for months, ive said that i was going to take her to court to get coustody and she said that she would dissappear- Yeah maybe i dont really know what its like to be a real father like you- but i have tried- at least im concerned about her wellbeing.

your comments just pissed me off, are you stupid?? i didnt ask you to critique me, i asked why are they trying to do this to me. some people should hop off the high horses..

so fu*k you, but have a nice day!

I don't care if I pissed you off, and I'm rather smart. Let's see, "Why are they trying to do this to me"?..........Because you have a child that is being abused and you care more for your stupid guitar.
 

BlondeIntel

Registered User
Questions

How long have you been in the Army? Are you AGR or activated? When does your military obligation end?
 
Last edited:
DO you want custody of your daughter? I'm not really sure after reading the posts. If you don't want her then let them terminate your rights and let her be adopted by someone who does want her.

If you do want to raise your daughter then get a lawyer. CPS will try to terminate your rights right along with the mothers. In my state when they attempt to terminate your rights you can ask for a court appointed lawyer. Don't know about yours so you might want to check in to that.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You're not going to get custody if you haven't even bothered to get visitation with your child. That's a no-brainer.
 

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