underage mom w/no formal custody order

[gabycielo]

ok-I understand we need to get everything established through the court as soon as possible. Through court orders I have sole custody of my son with no visitation established (meaning the father didn't bother to set anything up). The daycare requires to have the court papers on record & since I have sole custody w/o the visitation being established-the father would have to be on the list of people authorized to pick him up or they wouldn't let him go with the father. If visitation was established he could pick him up on the days he had visitation. It seems my daughter's case is basically the same if she indeed has sole custody

 

[CJane]

ok-I understand we need to get everything established through the court as soon as possible. Through court orders I have sole custody of my son with no visitation established (meaning the father didn't bother to set anything up). The daycare requires to have the court papers on record & since I have sole custody w/o the visitation being established-the father would have to be on the list of people authorized to pick him up or they wouldn't let him go with the father. If visitation was established he could pick him up on the days he had visitation. It seems my daughter's case is basically the same if she indeed has sole custody

No, because you have an ORDER that OUTLINES the specific restrictions (when/if dad can pick up from school).

Your daughter does NOT have a court order that outlines specific restrictions.

Therefore, she HAS custody - HOWEVER if Dad picks up the child from daycare, the daycare cannot LEGALLY PREVENT him from doing-so. They might do it anyway, but it would not be in their interests as a provider to cause a scene in front of other children.

 

[gabycielo]

No that's just it-the only thing I have different from my daughter is establishing I have sole custody. My court papers just state that visitation isn't established. It may just be this particular daycare's policy about the restictions on pick up. So I'm to understand even with my daughter having sole custody that the father can pick up the baby and we have no legal standing against it until there are court orders in place for custody and visitation. So
why would it even be called sole custody if that is the case-wouldn't it be shared custody?
I guess I'm wondering what sole custody is-I mean I read what the definition of it is, but in this case does it even serve any purpose?

 

[SingleMom67]

No that's just it-the only thing I have different from my daughter is establishing I have sole custody. My court papers just state that visitation isn't established. It may just be this particular daycare's policy about the restictions on pick up. So I'm to understand even with my daughter having sole custody that the father can pick up the baby and we have no legal standing against it until there are court orders in place for custody and visitation. So
why would it even be called sole custody if that is the case-wouldn't it be shared custody?
I guess I'm wondering what sole custody is-I mean I read what the definition of it is, but in this case does it even serve any purpose?

Maybe this will help. Here in PA, they don't call it "sole" custody (when a mother has custody of child w/o a custody order in place). They call it "physical" custody. For all intents and purposes, mother has sole custody meaning she makes legal, religious, educational decisions on her own for the child. However, as others have mentioned, absent that court order, dad can come at any time and pick up the child.

 

[CJane]

why would it even be called sole custody if that is the case-wouldn't it be shared custody?
I guess I'm wondering what sole custody is-I mean I read what the definition of it is, but in this case does it even serve any purpose?

Sole custody means that the parent has the sole right to make medical/educational/religious decisions for the child. It also means that the parent chooses the child's residence (w/in the confines of statute). It also means, unless there is a visitation order, that the parent gets to decide when/if the other parent sees the child.

HOWEVER, it does NOT mean that the Daycare provider (who has NO legal standing at all and therefore no rights) can prevent the father from picking up the child. Now, since he's not even on the list, I can see them denying him based on THAT - but not because he doesn't have visitation.

Imagine this scenario... in MY state, the sheriff will enforce a custody order (in theory). BUT your daughter doesn't have one. So if the BF takes the child from daycare and she calls the cops to assist her in getting the child back, the first thing they'll do is ask to see a copy of the court order saying that dad DOESN'T have the right to have the child.

She doesn't have one. So she'll have to file in court to get the child returned.

It's not something to play with and it doesn't giver her 'power'. It's simply a legal and largely unenforceable reality.

 

[stealth2]

ok-I understand we need to get everything established through the court as soon as possible. Through court orders I have sole custody of my son with no visitation established (meaning the father didn't bother to set anything up). The daycare requires to have the court papers on record & since I have sole custody w/o the visitation being established-the father would have to be on the list of people authorized to pick him up or they wouldn't let him go with the father. If visitation was established he could pick him up on the days he had visitation. It seems my daughter's case is basically the same if she indeed has sole custody

Okay - so are you Mom or Grandma? You need to stop mixing up your story, hon.

 

[gabycielo]

I'm the grandmother, but since my daughter is underage, anything that has to be done legally, I have to do until she's 18. I was just trying to get some advice. I'm not mixing up my story, I'm saying what I know from my experience and asking if it would pertain to my daughter because it seemed that it would. Obviously, we'll be talking with a lawyer very soon.

 

[stealth2]

I'm the grandmother, but since my daughter is underage, anything that has to be done legally, I have to do until she's 18. I was just trying to get some advice. I'm not mixing up my story, I'm saying what I know from my experience and asking if it would pertain to my daughter because it seemed that it would. Obviously, we'll be talking with a lawyer very soon.

I'm not sure that's correct. While you do legal stuff wrt your daughter, SHE does the legal stuff wrt her child. I doin't think you get to do it on her behalf. But I could be wrong.

 

[moburkes]

I'm still TOTALLY confused as to why the PARENT of this child is being denied. If your daughter wanted a sperm donor she should have gone to a sperm bank.

 

[CJane]

I'm still TOTALLY confused as to why the PARENT of this child is being denied. If your daughter wanted a sperm donor she should have gone to a sperm bank.

Duh. It's because he's irresponsible.

 

[moburkes]

Duh. It's because he's irresponsible.

The mom was irresponsible as well. I don't get it.

 

[CJane]

The mom was irresponsible as well. I don't get it.

It's the Momdratic Equation... Uterus always cancels bad choices.

Right?

 

[moburkes]

It's the Momdratic Equation... Uterus always cancels bad choices.

Right?

I thought you were serious. You had me all confused. Now I feel better. Thanks!

 

[CJane]

I thought you were serious. You had me all confused. Now I feel better. Thanks!

I thought you misunderstood. Sorry 'bout that.

 

[Ozark_Sophist]

I'm still TOTALLY confused as to why the PARENT of this child is being denied. If your daughter wanted a sperm donor she should have gone to a sperm bank.

Ummm...I think she was the sperm bank.