Uneccessary Medication

[olikolik]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

Hi,

I have a 10 year old daughter. I have had problems with her mother and lice for a long time. We have recently got rid of this problem only to run into our next one. Her mother has custody, I have equal visitation. I keep her 7 days out of 14, and vice versa. About 6 months ago, my daughter started menstration. She dealt with it well, and was prepared for it to happen, so really it was no big deal, other then it happening younger then I expected. We have had no problems with her, other then normal mood swings that seemed to my wife and I to be normal for this time. Today I get a call from her Mom, telling me that she is taking her to the doctor because she keeps having these fits. Today she beat up her sister, and really lost it. She said that this is the way she acts when she is there at this time, so she thinks she has a "chemical imbalance". She tells me she is taking her to the doctor, to get her put on medication to control it.

My daughter has never acted out like this at my house. She has the same number of siblings here, and we have never had an issue like this. There was another time when her Mom had to call me to calm her down, and this was before the life changes. I dont think my daughter has any problem that needs medication, I think she needs a Mom that will talk to her about the way she feels before she gets to the exploding point. I am not a doctor, so maybe I am wrong.

What are my options? Can I take her and have a second opinion, and if I do will it even matter since I am not the custodial parent? Is the fact that she is having these violent outbursts only while she is there any type of grounds to seek a custody change?

Any help is appreciated. Thank you for your time.

 

[bononos]

I would think maybe some counseling would be a better approach than immediate medication, and hopefully the doctor will think this as well. That's a big thing for a 10 yr. old to deal with, plus there may be some other issues she is having a hard time dealing with, but doesn't want to share with anyone.
Suggest seeking a psychologist rather than medication.
Good Luck!

 

[stealth2]

I think that, first, y'all need to find out what's going on. Ten is a young start, and on top of all the hormones raging, she's also likely one of the only girls in her class who's dealing with this issue. In a sense, your ex is right - it IS a chemical imbalance - hormones everywhere! And it can all make a kid go bonkers. If you know who her doctor is - call him/her and find out what s/he thinks is going on. THEN consider a second opinion.

I have an 11yo and she's been hormonal for a good year already. Everything is suddenly a drama - she'll burst into tears or go into a rage for no reason at all. My son just looks at me and says "A-yup. Hormones."

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes, your daughter needs to see a doctor or perhaps several. While not quite a percious puberty it is very close to one which can cause imbalance in hormones and the metabolism of certain hormones. I would suggest both an adolecent and child psychiatrist and an endocronologist.

 

[Ron1347]

I believe you have just as much authority to seek medical opinion when your child is with 'you', as the mother does when her child is with 'her'. IMHO, I would think a second opinion through 'you', certainly couldn't hurt. And, just because the mother thinks the child should be medicated, doesn't necessarily mean that the doctor will agree nor prescribe. I most definitely feel that counseling should be an option.

 

[stealth2]

Okay, I'm not seeing why people think counseling should be an option to something which very well may be nothing mroe than a relatively normal reaction to a normal life event. I think most girls get freaked out when they first start menstruating. Most girls go a bit nutty. Most girls need a little time for their bodies to settle down to something manageable.

 

[Ron1347]

I guess 'my' initial reaction toward counseling was because it was stated that she didn't exhibit that behavior while with dad? I've only been known to be wrong once...so far 'today'.

 

[stealth2]

My kiddo apparently also doesn't go bonkers while at her Dad's. Of course, that's only a few days out of the month. But I think an initial check-up by her regular doctor would be the place to start, before we start running to therapy, psychiatrists, endocrinologists, specialists of all sorts. See what her doctor says first! PMS as an adult can make you nuts - imagine being a 10yo child!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

My kiddo apparently also doesn't go bonkers while at her Dad's. Of course, that's only a few days out of the month. But I think an initial check-up by her regular doctor would be the place to start, before we start running to therapy, psychiatrists, endocrinologists, specialists of all sorts. See what her doctor says first! PMS as an adult can make you nuts - imagine being a 10yo child!

The child will have to see the PCP prior to referal to other specialists. I base my recommendations on experience and training in those fields. 10 is very early and a possible red flag for other than "normal" hormonal surges. Counseling alone without an accurate evaluation of the hormonal situation would be a waste of time. OP and his Ex have some history of disagreement re the care of the child. It is possible that medication is needed but it may not be medication that OP would object to and may serve to correct imbalance and be medically necessary both now and in the future.

 

[tigger22472]

I have an 11yo and she's been hormonal for a good year already. Everything is suddenly a drama - she'll burst into tears or go into a rage for no reason at all. My son just looks at me and says "A-yup. Hormones."

That is too funny. Tuesday my son had a pizza party after school before they went to a chior performance and the teacher asked me to supervise. There was like 28 kids... most of which girls that are between 10 and 11 years old. One was already crying over something when I got there and another just simply busted out in tears. As they were going down the hall to get the pizza the teacher looked at me (a male teacher, I might add) and whispered that he didn't know what was going on with these girls. I just laughed and told him hormones! God I'm so glad that I am over that.

To the OP... I totally agree with the others, wait and see what this doctor has to say. We have a joke in my family about when it came for me to go through this period of life (no pun intended) and I'm 33 now. For probably the first 2-3 years EVERY SINGLE month I was a basket case. I cried for a solid week. I cried when anybody said anything to me.

I apologize now, I just installed a program on my computer that has 'speech' on it and realize that it works on this too.. If my wording looks funny that's why.. I tried to catch it all.

 

[mom2J]

Right now, I'm agreeing a bit more with Stealth. You see, I'm a person that started menstruating at 11 1/2 and my daughter started at 10. I was a hormonal wreck. The outbursts were horrendous and I was a royal B----. I was not fit to be around humans.

I would agree about taking your daughter to a doctor, but I would think a pediatrician or gynecologist that deals with pediatric issues. Get her a complete physical. I was put on low dosages of birth control pills and they really helped regulate and my mood swings were a lot better. My daughter was horrible, but at 13, she seems to be out of the horrendous swings and now is just a bit moody. A "female" gynecologist is really someone that will understand what she's going through and know about all of the hormonal issues too, if that is the only thing causing the "episodes".

 

[stealth2]

The child will have to see the PCP prior to referal to other specialists. I base my recommendations on experience and training in those fields. 10 is very early and a possible red flag for other than "normal" hormonal surges. Counseling alone without an accurate evaluation of the hormonal situation would be a waste of time. OP and his Ex have some history of disagreement re the care of the child. It is possible that medication is needed but it may not be medication that OP would object to and may serve to correct imbalance and be medically necessary both now and in the future.

I think it's all jumping the gun, personally.

tigger..... we had a meltdown the other day. We have a bunch of kids in the neighborhood of the same age, and they all take the same bus in the am. So we usually meet at the stop, chat a bit, etc. Sometimes about the kids, sometimes about other stuff. So the other day, she gets off the bus - already in a mood. All pissy that she has art class (which she already missed last week, so YES she has to go) and I'm so-o-o-o-o mean that I make her go with Grandma (this is their one-on-one time) because all I EVER want to do is stuff for her brother and it's just not fair that he always gets EVERYTHING and she gets NOTHING. (*) EVER. Fine - next week I'll take you to art, this week it's Grandma tho. Then..... "AND ANOTHER THING!!!!! Why do you have to tell EVERYBODY MY PRIVATE BUSINESS?!?!?!?!" (huh?) "DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!! EVERY DAY YOU'RE AT THE BUS STOP TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT MY PRIVATE AFFAIRS! I KNOW YOU ARE!" (trying very hard not to laugh) "IT'S NOT FUNNY! YOU'RE SO MEAN AND EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING!" as we collapse into sobs. A good cry while curled up in Mommy's lap and all was sunny again. Mom's thinking "ooooooooookay" while big brother has a deer in the headlights look as he thinks "Oh God - there are gonna be two of them in the house now."

edit: (*) This is also so false it's not even funny. Her brother routinely is away for one weekend a month camping with Scouts and we have Mom/daughter time. Whatever she wants to do, we do it. Shopping, movies, having a friend for a sleepover, etc. This weekend, in fact, we're going trail riding, to a movie and having her friend join us for both AND sleepover. It's actually my son who gets the short end of the deal. But.... don't argue with a hormonal 11yo.

 

[casa]

That is too funny. Tuesday my son had a pizza party after school before they went to a chior performance and the teacher asked me to supervise. There was like 28 kids... most of which girls that are between 10 and 11 years old. One was already crying over something when I got there and another just simply busted out in tears. As they were going down the hall to get the pizza the teacher looked at me (a male teacher, I might add) and whispered that he didn't know what was going on with these girls. I just laughed and told him hormones! God I'm so glad that I am over that.

To the OP... I totally agree with the others, wait and see what this doctor has to say. We have a joke in my family about when it came for me to go through this period of life (no pun intended) and I'm 33 now. For probably the first 2-3 years EVERY SINGLE month I was a basket case. I cried for a solid week. I cried when anybody said anything to me.

I apologize now, I just installed a program on my computer that has 'speech' on it and realize that it works on this too.. If my wording looks funny that's why.. I tried to catch it all.

My just-turning-11 year old actually burst into sobbing tears because her sister used HER art markers the other day. When I tried to calm her down, I just got "You ONLY care about HER, she gets EVERYTHING, I ALWAYS have to suffer!!!!" <more sobbing- and a tossed tablet to boot > I told her sis' to shut the door and let her have some 'alone' time

she started getting boobs at 9- Pediatrician says menstruation is due ANY SECOND (is it the hormones in the milk/food???)

 

[Boyington]

What if it has nothing to do with the fact that she started menstruating?

Perhaps there are differences in her two homes that she is rebelling against at this time. My daughters began acting up because their mother did not impose bedtimes on them and we did use bedtimes, we didn't let them watch R rated movies and made them do chores and things were different in their mother's home (they were 9&11 when this started)

Maybe your daughter doesn't feel like she gets enough privacy or quiet time in her mother's home and since she is physically maturing this could be more important to her than ever.

Could she feel like another child or person always gets the 'spot light' in her mother's home? Could she get the 'spot light' in your home and not understand why she isn't the star of the show in her mom's home?

Maybe at this time in her life both of her parents are treating her differently and she is acting out because of that. Perhaps one of you is treating her more like a child and the other is treating her in a more grown up manner. Your daughter could be rightfully or wrongly upset with the way one of you treats her and acting out because of it.

Perhaps your daughter understands that acting out like this would not be tolerated in your home but thinks she can get away with it in her mother's home. My kids would throw severe tantrums over candy in the grocery store with their mother because they knew they could get away with it and were also likely to get their way. They never had one tantrum like this with us because they knew we would not tolerate it.

There are just so many things to consider, it could be due to a multiple of problems. Perhaps her mother is stricter than you are or visa versa. Maybe she is wanting her mom to have more lax rules like you do, or want her mom to take more control in her house like you do in your home? There could be several things both of you could change in your homes that could help.

Is she having any problems with her friends? Does she have equal access to her friends and other activities in both homes?

Perhaps her mother cannot control her because her mother tries to argue with her or spend time calming her down rather than just being blunt and saying 'no', or 'go to your room until you are calm and then we can talk about what is happening after everyone is calm'. How can a child learn to calm themselves down and control their own emmotions if they always have an adult trying to do it for them or not giving them the time to do it themselves?

I personally do not see how counseling could hurt. And if it can't hurt and stands a chance to help a little then why not do it? Perhaps several doctors would recommend medication but counseling could help with other things going on her life that otherwise would have gone unnoticed?

I would attend any appointment your wife schedules for her so that the doctor will be aware of your concerns and have access to important information that peraphs only you could provide. I would also seriously consider counseling. Perhaps counseling just for your daughter, for your daughter and mother together, joint sessions for your daughter and her syblings, for the entire family together..or a combination of sessions that include different individuals..ect..

I would just consider that there could be other culprits other than the fact that she began menstruating, especially since she behaves differently in the two homes.

 

[tigger22472]

My just-turning-11 year old actually burst into sobbing tears because her sister used HER art markers the other day. When I tried to calm her down, I just got "You ONLY care about HER, she gets EVERYTHING, I ALWAYS have to suffer!!!!" <more sobbing- and a tossed tablet to boot > I told her sis' to shut the door and let her have some 'alone' time

she started getting boobs at 9- Pediatrician says menstruation is due ANY SECOND (is it the hormones in the milk/food???)

That's too funny. My step-daughter is 9 now. My husband just commented that he could handle the crying and this stuff better then the 14 yr old we have now with the smart mouth... I'm going to hold him to that thought!! I'm SO dreading that time!! I might be hiding out with the boys as they are trying to get away from their sister.