Unfair Condition!

[jmdr18]

What is the name of your state? California

Hi! I am currently 6 months pregnant with my boyfriends baby whom I lived with for the past 2 years. He recently divorced and has a child from his former marriage. His ex-wife sued for child support and visitation and included in the conditions is that the child will have no contact with me because she used the domestic violence case that was filed against my boyfriend when we got into a fight early this year. I feel really bad coz I feel that his ex-wife is using her daughter to bring me and my boyfriend apart. I have always treated their daughter well even babysitting for them when they both have to work and I am available. His visitation is alternate Sundays from 7am-6pm and every tuesday from 3-7pm. My problem is that my boyfriend works 10-12 hours a day/6 days a week. His only free day is Sunday. This schedule and condition limits my time with my boyfriend and I'm worried that when I eventually give birth I will be stuck taking care of the baby. Is it possible that my boyfriend cut his Sunday visitations and instead just do his tuesday visits so he has time to take care of our baby?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Well sure he doesnt HAVE to show up for his visitation I mean shoot why would he need to spend time with his first child when he could spend it with yours? I mean you will be living with him and all and your baby will have a full time daddy while that other annoying child only gets daddy two days a week. I mean come on what a terrible thing to happen to YOUR child. Hmm and you wonder why the ex doesnt want you around your child. Sorry hun that first child is HIS child too and you better get used to sharing your man. Tell me is it fair for him to father another child then say oops sorry my first child but I just dont have enough days in the week to be your daddy any more I have another baby now! Ok I could go on and on and on but its to late and you already annoyed me enough

 

[stealth2]

Perhaps this is something you should have considered before getting pregnant? He has a responsibility to his first child, and for you to feel that he can and should limit his time with her for your benefit is truly appalling.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Perhaps this is something you should have considered before getting pregnant? He has a responsibility to his first child, and for you to feel that he can and should limit his time with her for your benefit is truly appalling.

no further comment is necessary.

 

[jmdr18]

unfair condition!

First of all, they have been seperated for almost 3 years, getting pregnant is the most wonderful thing that happened to me and for you to say I'm concerned that he wont have time for our child is appalling is really insensitive! Are you trying to tell me that once a person is married and has a child they are not entitled to form a new family??? I want a family and their daughter is welcome to be part of it but to limit the time of my son with his father is what I am concerned about. I realize that he has a responsibility to his daughter but he also has a responsibility to be a husband and father to his new family.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

First of all, they have been seperated for almost 3 years, getting pregnant is the most wonderful thing that happened to me and for you to say I'm concerned that he wont have time for our child is appalling is really insensitive! Are you trying to tell me that once a person is married and has a child they are not entitled to form a new family??? I want a family and their daughter is welcome to be part of it but to limit the time of my son with his father is what I am concerned about. I realize that he has a responsibility to his daughter but he also has a responsibility to be a husband and father to his new family.

As stated already you the bf and the new child all live in the same home. And what makes you think that the new child won't be able to spend time w/ dad. If you think new baby boy is going to go to bed at 8PM and not wake up till 8 AM you have bigger problems than the fact that you think your bfs daughter only deserves to have her dad 4 HOURS a week. GET A CLUE AND STOP BEING SO DAMN SELFISH!

 

[stealth2]

And you knew of his responsibilities - both personal and job-related - before you got pregnant. Frankly, I would have an issue with my kid being around a relationship that has domestic violence issues, too. I'll add to what I'm appalled by - that you'd have a kid with a guy who's already got a DV issue with you. Real bright.

 

[jmdr18]

Well sure he doesnt HAVE to show up for his visitation I mean shoot why would he need to spend time with his first child when he could spend it with yours? I mean you will be living with him and all and your baby will have a full time daddy while that other annoying child only gets daddy two days a week. I mean come on what a terrible thing to happen to YOUR child. Hmm and you wonder why the ex doesnt want you around your child. Sorry hun that first child is HIS child too and you better get used to sharing your man. Tell me is it fair for him to father another child then say oops sorry my first child but I just dont have enough days in the week to be your daddy any more I have another baby now! Ok I could go on and on and on but its to late and you already annoyed me enough

You sound like a wife who had a bad marriage. Your comments annoy me more coz as far as I'm concerned I've been friendly and nice to his wife and yet behind my back she acts opposite to what she shows me. Thats why I'm pissed on the cunning ways she trys to break my relationship with her ex. Everyone has to move on and I love being with her daughter what I want is to incorporate her to our family during visitation time so that everyone benefits with what little time my BF has off work.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

You sound like a wife who had a bad marriage. Your comments annoy me more coz as far as I'm concerned I've been friendly and nice to his wife and yet behind my back she acts opposite to what she shows me. Thats why I'm pissed on the cunning ways she trys to break my relationship with her ex. Everyone has to move on and I love being with her daughter what I want is to incorporate her to our family during visitation time so that everyone benefits with what little time my BF has off work.

Sounds to me if you or your bf loved the other child or eachother enough you wouldn't losse your temper to the degree of making it a criminal issue. DV is in that house and the mother of the other child had a DUTY to protect her child. Frankly your BF should be thanking his lucky stars he gets any visitation with his child that isn't supervised. Here's a clue. GET A JOB! take some of the load off the bfs back of paying all the bills and that damn child support G-D forbid his other damn kid need food or clothes and I bet the ex doesn't even spend the Child Support on food huh probably goes out boozing and scheming to take your man.

 

[glowgirl]

"This schedule and condition limits my time with my boyfriend and I'm worried that when I eventually give birth I will be stuck taking care of the baby. Is it possible that my boyfriend cut his Sunday visitations and instead just do his tuesday visits so he has time to take care of our baby?......
First of all, they have been seperated for almost 3 years, getting pregnant is the most wonderful thing that happened to me and for you to say I'm concerned that he wont have time for our child is appalling is really insensitive!"

But you are concerned that he wont have time for your child. You are worried that the time left over in a day will not be enough, to your liking for the new child. Which do you feel is more appalling that he wont have time for your child or their child. I personally have to agree with the former comments made in regards to this posting. You say you care for his first child but how? By babisitting or by wanting to damage the relationship between her and her father? Why is your child's relationship more important than his first child's. Yes you should be able to get remarried and start a new family, but what kind of father would "forget" about his first one. Is that the kind of parent you want helping to raise your child? You need to share plain and simple, it may suck for you but he does have an obligation to father both children and be involved in their lives. If you a jealous that you or your child are losing out, than perhaps this situation should of been discussed and thought about before a child was brought into this scenario.
Good luck to you and those two young children.

 

[stealth2]

I will be stuck taking care of the baby

This is the salient comment which tells us all we need to know about OP.

 

[Whyte Noise]

According to your post, he gets every other Sunday from 7 AM to 6 PM (which is 11 hours) and every Tuesday from 3PM to 7 PM (which is 4 hours.) Let's add that up, shall we?

Every other Sunday = 22 hours a month. (11 hours x 2 Sundays a month)
Every Tuesday = 16 hours a month. (4 hours x 4 Tuesdays in a month)

For a grand total of 38 hours of visitation in a month for dad.

In a month, there are roughly 720 hours (counting it as a 30 day month). And you mean to tell us you're going to bitch about him spending 38 hours a month with his other child? That the other 682 hours in a month that he DOESN'T have visitation with that child isn't "enough" for you? That you can't handle taking care of your own child that you gave birth to for 38 hours in a friggin' month without his help? That him not being around your baby for 38 hours a month is BAD?

What's BAD, is the fact that a father only gets 38 hours a month with his child.

He'll be there with you and the new baby every other Sunday. He doesn't have visitation with the other child every Sunday, just every other one. It's not like you're never going to "get" him on a Sunday... it's that you'll only "get" him 2 Sundays a month, instead of 4. The other 2 he'll have his other child with him, and you can't be around.

This is part of life when you choose to get with someone who has previous obligations and children. Most everyone here lives with the same situation. You deal with it.

 

[stealth2]

You're so mean, MG.

 

[jslopez711]

.......I will be stuck taking care of the baby. Is it possible that my boyfriend cut his Sunday visitations and instead just do his tuesday visits so he has time to take care of our baby?

Let me get this straight, you are actually going to ask your boyfriend to NOT see his kid on account of taking care of his other child?
If you are looking for a support group for stay-at-home mothers you are in the wrong place. What you are asking your boyfriend to do is WRONG!!!! And his kid will suffer because you want the family out of the Hallmark comercial.

 

[stealth2]

Actually, there's no reason why OP can't go have herself a day on her own while Dad spends every other Sunday at home with both kids! OP doesn't get "stuck" with the baby, and Dad gets the pleasure of both of his children. Sounds like a win-win to me.