unfairly treated

[mifelix]

I am a distraught father of two minor children, ages 9 and 13 whom are residing in Ohio with their mother; yet, I reside in Mississippi.

My ex-wife and I divorced in May of 2000 and I remarried in October of 2001. My current wife and I also have a child, age 2 and a half. My ex-wife remarried in November of 2003.

My problem began after I remarried, my ex-wife left me and that is why we divorced, it was what she wanted. She has, without fail, driven a wedge between me and my two older children. She is the custodial parent and I pay child support every month, on time, without fail. We share joint custody. According to our court order, I have summer visitation every year, and I am also entitled to Christmas visitation every even numbered year.

I am currently unable to speak to my children due to one of her attempts to severe my relationship with my children. She claims to be as innocent as possible when faced with the accusation of interfering with my relationship with the children. Yet, I have tons of tape recorded conversations between her and I, the children and her, her new husband and I, and also the children and her new husband. The conversations consist of distasteful language. I also have a ton of emails from her calling my new family and I disgusting names and also claiming that the children don’t want anything to do with us, we were told by her to leave her and the children alone and move on with our lives. With that being said, I have done just what she has requested. Now, she is threatening to take me back to court for neglecting the children, an increase in child support, pain, suffering, lost wages, among other issues that she claims I inflicted upon her and the children. She has also mentioned that she had to quit her current job for extended time off to care and nurture our emotionally damaged children that she claims is my entire fault.

My ex-wife has let our children read all corresondence that took place between her and I and has even bad-mouthed me to my children on numerous occassions. She has even had the children to write me letters claiming what they have read and telling me how they were extremely upset at me because of what they read. Those emails were never meant to be shown to the children and this proves to be her way of interfering the children. She never let the children read the emails that she wrote me cussing me out and calling me distasteful names. Therefore, this whole situation is one-sided through the eyes of the children. I have had to change my email addresses and my home phone numbers due to her constant harassment.

My issue is that I have really been thinking of terminating my parental rights, but she has already mentioned and stated in writing that she would never allow this. She claims to want more money; yet, my relationship with the children is insignificant to her. The children do not want anything to do with me because of her and I am exhausted with the entire situation. One year ago we were in court, I had all of my evidence, but my lawyer failed to use it. My ex-wife has already mentioned keeping me in court every year.

I had thought of custody, but the children despise me, she would never leave us alone if that happened, and I am worried about the influences placed upon my youngest son, whom is very impressionable.

With all the evidence of her bringing the children in the middle of our problems, her new husband snatching the phone from my daughter’s hand to cuss me out, and all the other distasteful writings and conversations, would terminating my parental rights be something that I could do without my ex-wife’s consent?

I am looking out for the best interest of the children, I do not feel that it is in their best interest to be jerked back and forth, constantly denied the right to talk to me, and despising me the way that they do. I think it would be better for the children if I just disappeared.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I am looking out for the best interest of the children,

BULLCRAP!!! You're whinning like a spoiled brat.

Exercise your visitation and if needed, take the ex back to court to amend the visitation order to require phone visitation with the children on specific days and times without interruption or intervention of the mom or step-father.

Then, if she or he violates that order, take their ass's back to court for contempt each and every time.

Children aren't stupid. They'll figure it out soon enough. In the meantime, grow some cajones.

 

[mifelix]

My point is that I don't want to spend every year in court. I don't have the finances available to me; nor, do I think this is best for the children. I am not whinning. The ex is determined to destroy me for moving on with my life.

I have recorded conversations where my ex wife has offered me custody of my daughter; yet, my daughter is screaming and crying because she doesn't want to leave her mother. I am at my wits end. I have a new family that deserves more from me, but with all the crap with my ex wife, I am depressed and exhausted on a regular basis. The law is steered in the direction of the mother. I feel that I am in a lose-lose situation.

 

[mifelix]

Actally, the latest court order specifies times and days that I can speak to the children, but her new husband tells me that I cannot speak to them, or my ex says that they don't want to speak to me. Also, my ex sits on the other line, if by chance I can speak to them, commenting on everything that I say to my kids, and it's all innocent conversation.

 

[mifelix]

In a father’s eye, I am crying!

My daughter has even left a note under her bed with suicidal insinuations. I fear that if things continue the way they are, the children will be ruined for life. It seems simple at first glance, I should disappear. Although, the situation is very complicated and hurtful to the children and myself.

In a father’s eye, I am crying!

Please help!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

In your first reply you say you're not whinning, and yet everything from that point on is a mass of excuses and whinning. You want permission to walk away from your children then go someplace else. You want instructions on how to thow them and your responsibilities toward them away, hire an attorney.

Otherwise, file for contempt and start being a father. I'm done with you.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

On a personal note I had a mom that did that to me and my Dad as well. It worked for a while and I was 13 at the time. I was horrible to my dad and step-mom but they stuck with it and showed no matter how hard I pushed they kept loving me and pushhed back. IT WAS EXHAUSTING!!!! I don't know how they made it through. But today I am 28 and I adore both my dad and step-mom even took off and began living with them when I was 16. I saw the light and I don;t think I would have survived without them. My mom subsequently apologized and recognized her bad choice and I have a strong meaningful relationship with all my parents including my sisters and my step-child will benefit from that immensely. Hang in there go to Court every week if you have to at least then you can show your children that you never gave up on them.

 

[Chelle0511]

Fight Back!

On a personal note I had a mom that did that to me and my Dad as well. It worked for a while and I was 13 at the time. I was horrible to my dad and step-mom but they stuck with it and showed no matter how hard I pushed they kept loving me and pushhed back. IT WAS EXHAUSTING!!!! I don't know how they made it through. But today I am 28 and I adore both my dad and step-mom even took off and began living with them when I was 16. I saw the light and I don;t think I would have survived without them. My mom subsequently apologized and recognized her bad choice and I have a strong meaningful relationship with all my parents including my sisters and my step-child will benefit from that immensely. Hang in there go to Court every week if you have to at least then you can show your children that you never gave up on them.

~ I AGREEE! And it is not a no win situation. The only loss is that of your children if you give in and let the ex get the best of you!

 

[mifelix]

I feel that I will never have anything meaningful with my children unless I get custody, but what are my chances? Will the tape recorded phone calls and distasteful emails be good enough? In this state, it highly depends of my 13 year old. I would need her to say that she wants to live with me, but she is too scared of her mother to do so. What am I to do? Terminating my rights was never anything that I really wanted to do, I was just seeking the advice thinking maybe that was what I should do. I love my children dearly, but I want them out of the middle of the fighting. There is no court order that will prevent my ex wife from bad mouthing me and harassing me in regards to the children.

 

[Chelle0511]

I feel that I will never have anything meaningful with my children unless I get custody, but what are my chances? Will the tape recorded phone calls and distasteful emails be good enough? In this state, it highly depends of my 13 year old. I would need her to say that she wants to live with me, but she is too scared of her mother to do so. What am I to do? Terminating my rights was never anything that I really wanted to do, I was just seeking the advice thinking maybe that was what I should do. I love my children dearly, but I want them out of the middle of the fighting.

There is no court order that will prevent my ex wife from bad mouthing me and harassing me in regards to the children.

~No, but terminating your rights is the just an easy way out. Fufill your duty as their father and proceed forward. Don't lower yourself to her level by bad mouthing her, love your children and let them know that you will always be dad. When they yell, scream, etc., continue to let them know that you love them. They will one day grow up and appreciate the fact that you didn't give up on them. In the mean time take advantage of the visitation time that you have, and file contempt each and everytime that she denies you your court ordered right. Not sure there, but in Illinois CP denying NCP is grounds for a modification in custody. It takes time and effort. Hang in there!

 

[Gracie3787]

I am a distraught father of two minor children, ages 9 and 13 whom are residing in Ohio with their mother; yet, I reside in Mississippi.

My ex-wife and I divorced in May of 2000 and I remarried in October of 2001. My current wife and I also have a child, age 2 and a half. My ex-wife remarried in November of 2003.

My problem began after I remarried, my ex-wife left me and that is why we divorced, it was what she wanted. She has, without fail, driven a wedge between me and my two older children. She is the custodial parent and I pay child support every month, on time, without fail. We share joint custody. According to our court order, I have summer visitation every year, and I am also entitled to Christmas visitation every even numbered year.

I am currently unable to speak to my children due to one of her attempts to severe my relationship with my children. She claims to be as innocent as possible when faced with the accusation of interfering with my relationship with the children. Yet, I have tons of tape recorded conversations between her and I, the children and her, her new husband and I, and also the children and her new husband. The conversations consist of distasteful language. I also have a ton of emails from her calling my new family and I disgusting names and also claiming that the children don’t want anything to do with us, we were told by her to leave her and the children alone and move on with our lives. With that being said, I have done just what she has requested. Now, she is threatening to take me back to court for neglecting the children, an increase in child support, pain, suffering, lost wages, among other issues that she claims I inflicted upon her and the children. She has also mentioned that she had to quit her current job for extended time off to care and nurture our emotionally damaged children that she claims is my entire fault.

My ex-wife has let our children read all corresondence that took place between her and I and has even bad-mouthed me to my children on numerous occassions. She has even had the children to write me letters claiming what they have read and telling me how they were extremely upset at me because of what they read. Those emails were never meant to be shown to the children and this proves to be her way of interfering the children. She never let the children read the emails that she wrote me cussing me out and calling me distasteful names. Therefore, this whole situation is one-sided through the eyes of the children. I have had to change my email addresses and my home phone numbers due to her constant harassment.

My issue is that I have really been thinking of terminating my parental rights, but she has already mentioned and stated in writing that she would never allow this. She claims to want more money; yet, my relationship with the children is insignificant to her. The children do not want anything to do with me because of her and I am exhausted with the entire situation. One year ago we were in court, I had all of my evidence, but my lawyer failed to use it. My ex-wife has already mentioned keeping me in court every year.

I had thought of custody, but the children despise me, she would never leave us alone if that happened, and I am worried about the influences placed upon my youngest son, whom is very impressionable.

With all the evidence of her bringing the children in the middle of our problems, her new husband snatching the phone from my daughter’s hand to cuss me out, and all the other distasteful writings and conversations, would terminating my parental rights be something that I could do without my ex-wife’s consent?

I am looking out for the best interest of the children, I do not feel that it is in their best interest to be jerked back and forth, constantly denied the right to talk to me, and despising me the way that they do. I think it would be better for the children if I just disappeared.

You say that she is threatening to take you back to court? Beat her to the punch- you should file to modify visitation and custody. Ask the court for specific wording such as "Father shall have telephone visitation with children on blank days between blank times. This visitation shall take place without Mother or Stepfather involvement in conversation."

Ask the court to order mandatory family counseling. I realize that you don't live in same state, but you can attend counseling in your state, mom and kids can attend in their state. At least it might help. Also check into a guardian ad litem or whatever they are called in your state. That is a person who makes recommendations to the court based from the childrens' best interests and point of view. When you ask for the counseling, tell the court about your daughters note about suicide.

There is a syndrome that some regular posters here know about, I don't remember what it's called, but it imvolves one parent alienating the other parent from childrens' lives. Maybe those posters can give you links and advice on researching that.

I know it seems like a no win situation, and it may be, but please, for your kids' sakes (and yours) don't give up on them.
My advice is to start doing things differently right now:

Do not write Mom any more letters or E-Mails, if you have to write make it short and to the point. Don't make any accusations at all or anything else. This will stop her from letting kids read letters.

When you call your kids and they don't want to talk, at first simply tell them okay, I love you and maybe next time you will feel up to talking, bye. Then hang up. If Mom or step dad gets on other line IGNORE THIER COMMENTS. (I know easier said than done).

When your kids want to talk about matters that you don't want to talk about, calmly tell them that some issues should be between the parents only, and that you will not talk to them about those issues. (they will be mad, but they will get over it)

Speak to Mom and Stepdad only when you have to and only about visits, etc. Do not let them pull you into an arguments. Do not answer any E-Mails or letters with e-mails or letters.

It might help if you write your kids letters, explaining to them how much you love them and that you are doing everything you can to make things better for them and you.

I wish you the best, and hang in there, it takes time to see changes, but they will most likely happen if you don't give up. BTW- I just want to say that I think that you are a wonderful loving father, and your kids are very fortunate to have you. I really believe that someday they will come to realize it too.

 

[SITLYNNE]

I know this post is dated January, but I was searching for posts on Terminating Parental Rights and found this one. It is so very similar to my current situation that I just needed to post a reply to OP. I am in almost this exact situation to the T. The Parental Alienation Syndrome is something I just learned about and can be researched www.deltabravo.net as I was informed on this forum last week. It has helped me immensely. Just a quick note that I am the mother in my situation, so fathers are very capable of this as well as mothers. Just because she is the mom, don't think the judge will favor her.
It is very hard hearing bad words from your children. Mine are 10 and 15 1/2 year old boys who have been bribed beyond belief by dad. They don't even call me mom anymore. Every conversation with them is interupted by dad or step mom. Same senario as yours, he left me for my very best friend, god mother to the boys, etc., wanted the divorce, married her 2 weeks later, and now I'm being punished. My boys say they hate my guts over the phone, they never want to see me again, I've never done anything for them, never been there for them, etc. It hurts really really bad. My oldest has taken to cursing at me as of Saturday by using the "F" word 3 times during our conversation about copies of current report cards I asked for. My situation has been going on almost 1 year after he won full custody by lying and having my son lie in court. We previously had joint custody for the past 4 years. Their dad tells them we don't have to follow the current order which states I will have liberal visitation as agreed upon by both parents from "time to time". YOU quessed it, he never agrees. I am currently searching for a Pro Bono Attorney to represent me with a modification and contempt order with custody. I also volunteered to terminate my parental rights Saturday during the nasty phone conversation when I was told they never want to see me and she is more of a mom than I ever was, I suggested we solve the problem of me never bothering, harrassing, or asking to exercise my given parental rights by me signing over my rights and she adopt. This caused an uproar of cheers, laughs, and applauding from all present during phone conversation including boys. My ex informed me that is what they would do on Monday morning, get me out of their lives forever. This was just until he found out he would never receive another beloved child support check (which is what started the nasty battle in the first place) Now I have to force issue. I never wanted to terminate my rights either, I was hoping to scare them into following the order and trying to get things back to "somewhat normal" again. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm very curious where you will go from here. Just remember you are not alone, and I'm thinking about you. I wish you luck. I also always tell my sons I'm sorry they feel that way, I love them very much, and call me when they want to see me. I'm just hoping the phone rings someday. Anyway, you can email me at Tammy@kimmelcoal.com. I tried to email you, however it was blocked.
Best Wishes