unmarried couple...visitation

[whitedoveh]

What is the name of your state?Ohio
My son's ex girlfriend has taken their son and won't let him see him. She was raped repeatedly from the age of 5 to 8 by her stepdad. So during their relationship, she dwelt on the past so much that it destroyed everything they had. She uses her past to get sympathy from others...just like she did us. We gave her everything and then to the point that we could do no more. When things didn't go her way....she left....with agreement for her and our son to share the parenting with the child.

But now all of that has changed. She sees we will do no more for her and she sees we won't give her anymore (except for the child support my son pays) so now she withholds the child. It has been 2 months since my son saw him. We have hired a lawyer but the system seems to favor the mother.

Does it seem possible that we will ever see the child again? What are the laws with unmarried couples? Do the judges seriously favor the mothers. Are all the sons considered as deadbeats if they don't marry the girl?

Need some answers for a little peace of mind until the courts do intervene.

 

[nextwife]

Has he FILED to legally establish paternity, and for joint custody/visitation?

 

[whitedoveh]

That's what is taking so long....We gave it to the lawyer the first of Feb. and to this day, we are waiting for one county to transfer papers to another county so lawyer can file the papers.

In the meantime, we have to sit on our hands and wait. Why does it take so long?

And then after papers are filed, it may take another month or two to get a hearing date.

There should be some kind of law favoring the Dad, since he is paying child support regularly.

 

[casa]

That's what is taking so long....We gave it to the lawyer the first of Feb. and to this day, we are waiting for one county to transfer papers to another county so lawyer can file the papers.

In the meantime, we have to sit on our hands and wait. Why does it take so long?

And then after papers are filed, it may take another month or two to get a hearing date.

There should be some kind of law favoring the Dad, since he is paying child support regularly.

Just as he's paying support regularly~ The other parent is also supporting the child regularly. No child can be housed(rent, utilities etc.), clothed, fed & extracurriculars/entertainment on child support alone.

 

[whitedoveh]

Ohio
Well, nobody told her to take off and take care of the child by herself. They had signed an agreement that they would share parenting.

So if she's burdened with taking care of the child all the time on the "little" child support she's getting, it's her own fault.

But my question is, why doesn't the Dad have some rights as far as visitation is concerned until the courts decide?

 

[nextwife]

Just as he's paying support regularly~ The other parent is also supporting the child regularly. No child can be housed(rent, utilities etc.), clothed, fed & extracurriculars/entertainment on child support alone.

Except she gets to HAVE the child around, and he doesn't.

Casa, CS is not SUPPOSED to cover the CPs housing costs. WE all have rent, utilities costs, etc. even if we have NO children. My mortgage, car payment, grass service, snow plowing and utilities were no higher AFTER my child came than before. The CS is only the NCPs portion of the cost of supporting the CHILD. The adults pay for their own misc. housing costs - child or no child.

 

[casa]

Except she gets to HAVE the child around, and he doesn't.

Casa, CS is not SUPPOSED to cover the CPs housing costs. WE all have rent, utilities costs, etc. even if we have NO children. My mortgage, car payment, grass service, snow plowing and utilities were no higher AFTER my child came than before. The CS is only the NCPs portion of the cost of supporting the CHILD. The adults pay for their own misc. housing costs - child or no child.

That's unusual *IMO* because once I had children everything went up. First rent went up (needed more than one room, because there were 2 instead of one now), Utilities (more baths, more clothes), Groceries (kid snacks &/or baby foods), Clothing (initially diapering and all that comes with it, and throughout/later buying clothing for 2 or more instead of one), Daycare (didn't pay that before), More Dr's co-pays (2 people instead of one), and higher ins. costs (insuring 2 instead of one), plus much more like car seats, children's furniture, childsafing the home/yard, photographs via preschool and then school etc. etc. etc.

I can't imagine it not costing ANYTHING more.

 

[Kansas4me]

She doesn't have more rights than him in the court, however, since she has physical possesion, she gets to call the shots, until a court order is entered. Once it makes it through court your son will have his rights. Now whether she follows them given her history is another issue, but at least then you have something the police can enforce.

The most important thing for him to do right now is document EVERYTHING. Make sure he attempts to contact her regularly to show the court he wants to be active in the childs life. Make sure he has proof that he is paying the child support regularly and on time. NO CASH, make sure you do it with money orders. Make sure he has witness's to every encounter. If she is as looney as you say she could easily scream that he tried to rape or attack her. As tough as it may be you are going to have to wait and play the good guys. It will look far better on you all in the end.

 

[casa]

Ohio
Well, nobody told her to take off and take care of the child by herself. They had signed an agreement that they would share parenting.

So if she's burdened with taking care of the child all the time on the "little" child support she's getting, it's her own fault.

But my question is, why doesn't the Dad have some rights as far as visitation is concerned until the courts decide?

Because they weren't married.

The sooner an unmarried father files to legally establish his rights- the sooner he will get them.

 

[Kansas4me]

That's unusual *IMO* because once I had children everything went up. First rent went up (needed more than one room, because there were 2 instead of one now), Utilities (more baths, more clothes), Groceries (kid snacks &/or baby foods), Clothing (initially diapering and all that comes with it, and throughout/later buying clothing for 2 or more instead of one), Daycare (didn't pay that before), More Dr's co-pays (2 people instead of one), and higher ins. costs (insuring 2 instead of one), plus much more like car seats, children's furniture, childsafing the home/yard, photographs via preschool and then school etc. etc. etc.

I can't imagine it not costing ANYTHING more.

Casa yes expenses do go up, that is the child support it isn't meant to cover 100% of your living expense but the difference between your grocery bill before and after, utilities before and after, but as for houseing, you are on your own cause you could have stayed in a one bedroom apartment with a baby.

 

[curiouscat623]

Just as he's paying support regularly~ The other parent is also supporting the child regularly. No child can be housed(rent, utilities etc.), clothed, fed & extracurriculars/entertainment on child support alone.

My kids mother lived for 3 years off of my cs, and welfare alone. She doesn't work. Lives in gov't housing, gets foodstamps, and free daycare for the kids every weekday from 9-5 (she called CPS on herself and said she couldn't handle them, so they put her in counseling for 1 day a week). But its all good now she's on SSI for her bipolar disorder, and my son lives with me (no more cs), so instead of me supporting her and her whole family (2 other kids, and a bf who doesn't work), all of the working people in our country get to do it.

 

[Kansas4me]

Glad to know you have your child and maybe he will grow up with better ethics and values then his momma!

 

[casa]

Casa yes expenses do go up, that is the child support it isn't meant to cover 100% of your living expense but the difference between your grocery bill before and after, utilities before and after, but as for houseing, you are on your own cause you could have stayed in a one bedroom apartment with a baby.

I have 2 kids I never said CS should cover 100%....heck the CS I got (when I got it) never even covered daycare or afterschool care,(I've never been on Welfare) let alone all the living expenses. Now that the kids are older it helps, but doesn't touch 50% of their cost. (I WISH!)

What I said is CS doesn't cover 100%....Nor should it, the CP is supposed to be responsible for 1/2 also. In my case, I was and am still willing to pay for more than my 50% so the kids have things like their room, camp, school fairs/events, extracurriculars, bikes, pets, games, clothing, the occasional dinner out,vacations to visit family members etc.

Anyone who looks at CS one sided (CP OR NCP) and 'thinks' they pay ALL of it, is incorrect. And people who whine about supporting their kids are demonstrating their OWN priorities in life.

 

[casa]

My kids mother lived for 3 years off of my cs, and welfare alone. She doesn't work. Lives in gov't housing, gets foodstamps, and free daycare for the kids every weekday from 9-5 (she called CPS on herself and said she couldn't handle them, so they put her in counseling for 1 day a week). But its all good now she's on SSI for her bipolar disorder, and my son lives with me (no more cs), so instead of me supporting her and her whole family (2 other kids, and a bf who doesn't work), all of the working people in our country get to do it.

what does your X have to do with this thread? If you want input on your story- you can start your own thread, with the particulars of YOUR case.

Any one of us can tell our own issues~ My oldest's dad pays hundreds below minimum so he could go play johnny appleseed across the country, leaving babies in his wake he doesn't care for. For years he didn't pay support or see his child. He wised up after so long and came back around. I encouraged their relationship and with counseling they finally established one. I've never sued for CS arrearages for those years and the amount on the order has never been modified. *I* decided to do what was best for my child and not myself. So...you see, everyone has different experiences. My reply on this thread was to the OP who said the Dad paid for ALL the child's support, which is impossible since the child does not live with him.

 

[nextwife]

My reply on this thread was to the OP who said the Dad paid for ALL the child's support, which is impossible since the child does not live with him.

Kindly show us WHERE this was stated.