update!!!!!

[wtk8j]

First I will start by posting a link to my orignal thread for those who have not read it.(started this thread due to the length of the first one)
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=291668

For those who have read it our home eval. is done ,CPS worker says this was the last step and the kids can move sometime during this week ,he just has to allow his supervisor to review the report for the purposes of her knowing it was done. We have an upcoming court date on the dna case on the 14th also,mom is expected to try and challenge the cabinets placement. I will let everyone know how all turns out.

 

[casa]

First I will start by posting a link to my orignal thread for those who have not read it.(started this thread due to the length of the first one)
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=291668

For those who have read it our home eval. is done ,CPS worker says this was the last step and the kids can move sometime during this week ,he just has to allow his supervisor to review the report for the purposes of her knowing it was done. We have an upcoming court date on the dna case on the 14th also,mom is expected to try and challenge the cabinets placement. I will let everyone know how all turns out.

Good news! So they are letting both kids move in with you guys?

 

[wtk8j]

Good news! So they are letting both kids move in with you guys?

Yeah, they found a revised statute that allows for sd's brother to come as well and even better the worker says that moms case will be closed in app.4 months (the case will have been open 15 months and they will not have been in moms care for 12 months at this point)and that is when they will request the kids remain in our home since they will already stabilized here.When I spoke with the worker this morning he said thta we would do the move/transition this friday,he has already spoke to the foster mom and she is packing there close now.We do however still have a court date w/ cps on the 14th and are still waiting for our mod. of custudy court date. I will keep everyone posted on the upcoming court dates.

 

[wtk8j]

I need some opinions here.. As you all know we are moving the kids friday,well here is the dilema fostermom has implied not asked that she will be picking sd's sibling up for visits w/her every 3-4 days and that she wants an overnight with him once a week. She has already been told by sd she does not wish to go. W e really do not feel comfortable with allowing her to continue to uproot the child at her every whim. She feels it is important he continue to see her. We have told her we would like for him to get stabilized. She however continues to speak about these visits and wants to take him on tues. just 4 days after him moving in for the evening. What do you guys think about this?

 

[wtk8j]

**************...bump**************.

 

[bugsmom18]

No

I don't think you HAVE to do this unless it's in an order somewhere. Having been in this situation with my parents, the child needs time to adjust to new house and going back to foster parent would only be confusing IMO.

My parents after a month or maybe even two, had a visit with their great-granddaughter & her old foster parents and even then it was only a visit with my parents staying there (maybe an hour).

As for the legal aspect, I would wait from one of the senior members......

 

[wtk8j]

I don't think you HAVE to do this unless it's in an order somewhere. Having been in this situation with my parents, the child needs time to adjust to new house and going back to foster parent would only be confusing IMO.

My parents after a month or maybe even two, had a visit with their great-granddaughter & her old foster parents and even then it was only a visit with my parents staying there (maybe an hour).

As for the legal aspect, I would wait from one of the senior members......

Ther eis no order allowing her this privilage ,only her determination to do or die!!!!!!

 

[wtk8j]

Any one else have some advice?

 

[Zephyr]

Is the child especially close to the FM?

 

[GrandmaOH]

I read your original post when you made it but don't have time to scan the whole thing to get the age of your SD brother. He's young, 2 maybe? He's been at foster mom's 4-5 months? I can see a young child having a bond, but gosh, look at how little supervised time is allowed to the bio parents when CPS taks a child. I'd use that as a guideline.

Seriously, I'd consider throwing a party for the children ASAP and invite foster mom as well as other family members that are welcome. I think that might help the transition for the kids and foster mom. Then consider asking foster mom to visit an hour or so in your house, no more than once a week. Bonds are important and even though you want a strong bond with this child, stopping all contact abruptly with foster mom won't make it easier. Your stepdaughter is older and will probably transition easier.

 

[CJane]

Unless there is a VERY close bond between the child and the foster mother, I wouldn't allow the visits.

 

[casa]

Any one else have some advice?

I would allow visits to ease the transition...remember this woman was caretaker for this child in day-to-day life for quite a while. Keep it out of the fray from this current progress. No sense fighting with the foster parent right now.

 

[wtk8j]

I am sure there is a bond due to the amounrt of time they were with her,however when he is withus he never mentions her. We have always offered her contact,we were thinking along the lines of her stopping by and seeing them here ,but she insists she beallowed to take him one evening a week for several hours and an overnight once aweek. I know some contact may make things easier ,but I feel that overnights and weekly afternoons may make it harder for him to understand were he truly belongs. Does anyon ehave a suggestion as to how we could tell her thta we will allow visits in his home and nothing more without it being offensive?

 

[wtk8j]

Is the child especially close to the FM?

He has tranferred the child/mother bond to me,this even fm has noticed and reported herself.,not to say they do not have a bond ,but it isnt strong enough to keep him from forgetting her the minute we pick him up.

 

[GrandmaOH]

Say, "Thank for being a loving foster parent, it must be hard for you take care of children and then release them to their permanent family. And because you played an important role in our childs life for the last few months we'd like to invite you for a visit in our home (insert time) to help reinforce to our child that our home is now his home."

I agree with you that visits at FM's house, especially overnights, would not help the child to develop a secure feeling in your home. But I really am in favor of asking her to visit your house to ease any anxious feelings the child might have of suddenly moving again. Be precise on inviting her, if you do invite her. If she tries to invite herself be kind, but remain in control of your new family's time and visitors.