Utterly amazing (a rant)

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Indiana

My original CS order was done in Jan. of 2000 at my initial divorce hearing. In May of 2000 at our final order the ex was already almost 3,000$ behind in support. He was ordered 10$ a week on the arrearage. They FINALLY supposably was trying to get him served starting with a court date in July of 2002 (mind you I had kept up on them all the time providing information) but they decided then (well April ... takes 3 months to get a courtdate) to take it to court because I threw a fit after knowing they'd talked to him and acted like they weren't going to do anything. They got his lisence suspended finally in April of 2003. They have set up a court date every three months since July of 2002 never getting him served. Before the hearing in April of this year that was scheduled I e-mailed CS and told them not to bother anymore because we had or were planning to file for step-parent adoption. Before that April hearing they had e-mailed me and said their 'locater' found him but yet he still wasn't served but they were trying (eventually telling me they had failed to get him served). They promptly set up yet another date this month. Our step-parent adoption was final on June 25th. I received a letter today in the mail from CS stating that he WAS served and he DID show up this time to court and that a continuance was granted. It just seems awful funny to me that I've been fighting for 4 damn years to find him and the very first court date after the adoption was finalized (bio doesn't know the exact date unless he's called the courthouse) he actually gets served and shows... The continuance is for Sept and you bet I'll be there. His ending total is 24,898.73$ It amazes me how on the ball CS is

 

[cibyr]

Wow! can't believe how you had to go through.

Good luck on collecting the money from deadbeatdad!!!!

 

[tigger22472]

It's not now, nor ever really has been about the money. It's about how someone can walk away from their children and pretend they don't exsist. For the longest time I 'held his hand' in helping him have a relationship with his children but not only would he not see them, when he called (which was once a year or less or if one of the kids had a problem and just needed to hear his voice and I got a message to him) he tried turning them against me. He told my boys 3 years ago that he was dying and they would never see him again, they were 7 and 10. The last time I got support was Oct. of 01 and that was for 3 weeks. He'd had his job for a year before I finally found out where he was working. He got laid off and the state got him through unemployment so I got like 2 weeks then took another month after he went back to work when I got the 3 weeks. Rumor is he quit saying "That B**** isn't getting my money".

I thought about this all day yesterday and I thought about going into court and telling them I would drop the payments from 113$ a week to 50$ a week since arrearage has stopped adding up. I'm unsure what I'll do now. I'm assuming the continuance was to give him 90 days to find a job. He'll probably get one, keep it long enough to stay out of jail and then quit again. The good thing is that if he doesn't show up to court in Sept. there will be a warrant issued for his arrest (hopefully, if the state does their job correctly). I know that jail won't get the support paid but again, it's not been about the money, it's about having children and treating them like dirt because you want to be called 'Daddy' just not be responsible for them.

Ok.. I'm done venting..lol

 

[cibyr]

lol glad thatyou got to vent off..

yeah iknow that kids need both stable parents in the household. Unfortuantely I can not let my kids near their father right now because he beat the crap out of my daughter and is currentlyon no contact order from kids and that he will face felony charges in the court in August for it. That is so sad. But i make him pay child support anyway because he owes kids that much. I feel so torn because Ijust found out that he supplied oldest two kids meth and drugs. oldest son is a drug addict and daughter in destructive relationships. So, of course, I can't let young four kids be near him anymore. only one out of four kids want to see their father and others don't want to see him at all. I feel so bad for this one who wants to see his father buthes on no contact order. So, I guess for right now, money is to be meant alot for kids in my case not relationship with their father unless he is willing to take deep mental health counseling that is what I told the procustor attorneythat I would like to see him have that first before he can even see my kids again. That is my vent right now LOL> Still oldest two kids love thier father and still visit him....others can't see father right now until May 2005.

I am just glad that your kids seem to get stepfather to adopt them and that can maintain loving relationship.

 

[tigger22472]

Oh I remember the days when one of my kids wanted to see his dad. They both wanted confirmation that he was alive but the youngest one wanted to see him for a while and even told me that it was ok that his dad lied to him. It used to irritate me (of course I venting when they weren't around) that after all he'd done they still wanted to have a relationship with him. The last time they talked to him on the phone was April of 02. He'd asked my youngest if he wanted to live with him. My son was all excited and told him yes on the phone. When he got off the phone his exact words to me were 'Did you hear what that loser said to me?' I asked him why he didnt' say that to him or at least tell him he didn't want to live with him. His answer was "I didn't want him mad at me". This child would say things like 'If he ever shows up here I'm slamming the door in his face" and such yet was so excited to see him or hear from him. It's saddest though when a 9 year old looks at you and says "I told you he wouldn't show up' when their dad didn't show for a promised visitation. This is all about redemption for my kids and to 'teach a lesson'. My kids know all the trials and tribulations we went through. They know when we had it rough and couldn't afford this or that. They didn't even know until this past April (right before our home study for adoption) that their bio was supposed to send us money each week and hadn't or that their bio was informed of my husband's diving accident that the kids witnessed. I had written him and told him about it and told him that the boys were tramatized from it and not once did he call them, my parents or even his sister(who I do have contact with) to see how they were emotionally. That was the end for me. He can think what he wants of me, I don't care, I'm not out to win congeniality(sp) awards from him, but these were his children that he helped create and did nothing to him.

As far as your case I don't blame you on the no contact order, you do what you have to to protect your children.

 

[carofl93]

I hear ya Hon. There is nothing worse in the world than the face of a child who has been disappointed time after time by someone who is supposed to give them unconditional love. My stepdaughter is 8. She hasn't heard from her mom in well over a year now. I have one son of my own and am expecting a second child next spring and I cannot imagine a day without any of my kids (I consider SD to be mine since she is a part of my husband and has no mother figure to help her along the way). We have been discussing the step-parent adoption process for quite a while now. It seemed for a while that Mommy Dearest was going to pull her head out of the sand since she emailed us claiming that she hadn't recieved our addy or phone number (even though it was updated through the court and mailed to every address we had for MD as well as her lawyer's office), but that was in May and we have heard nothing since emailing her with our contact log. I get through the day to day wonderment of how a parent can bail on their child by knowing that eventually the deadbeat parent will have to answer to a higher power...whether it be God or a Judge or even his/her own child. I am glad that your children have a stable happy home