Vague Parenting/Custody Agreements

[lparty]

http://www.divorcesource.com/TX/ARTICLES/henderson6.html

Children from the ages of 6 months to 18 months can begin to realize when a parent is absent and if visits are not regular and frequent, the child many times can exhibit separation anxiety. During this period of development, the non-custodial parent should be using these frequent visits with the child to bond while building emotional support for the child. It is not recommended for the non-custodial parent to leave the child with a non-parent, The focus of these frequent visits should be on establishing attachment with the non-custodial parent. Hopefully, both parents can work together to establish a positive and an emotionally healthy relationship with the child even though the parents no longer live together.

From the ages of 18 months to 3 years, a child begins to move towards independence, at this stage a child must develop confidence that the parent will be remaining in their life to avoid questioning if the parent still loves him. Several and more frequent visits are preferable over the standard 1st, 3rd , and 5th weekend stays. During this stage of development, the child will sense whether or not the parent is, both dependable and reliable concerning the parent-child relationship.

 

[Brookenstein]

This might not sound like much, but we did also agree to each get web cams, so that the kids could "see" dad whenever they wanted and vice versa. (I know this helped my friend's family adjust while the Dad was in Irag for a year and the kids were 6m-18m and 3.5-4.5)

 

[MamaLlama]

write the agreement as though you may not be amicable later

Here's my two "common" cents take em or leave them. (Not a lawyer but been there done that and paid lawyers who were not as detailed as they should have been)

I have some experience in a similar situation - I have two children and are in an intrastate custody situation where there is joint legal but primary physical with me. Times change as your kids grow and you dont want to end up back in court if you can have the foresight to create a plan that works.

My first thought as an outsider is since your stb ex is depressed, he may be more amicable with you right now because of his mental state and feelings of guilt for the break up of the marriage. Over time he may change how he feels about all of the things you have discussed such as how old the kids should be before you are comfortable for them to fly...whether they should miss school to spend visitation time with him if/when he comes to visit and how much notice he should give you before he can expect this "reasonable" visitation to occur.

Don't use the status of your relationship with him now (especially given his mental condition) as a determining factor that he will always be amicable. Creating a parenting plan gambles with the entire family's happiness and that very plan which was originally based on flexibility and trust with no real baseline for visitation could make the parenting situation for the next 20 years or so an unbearable tug of war in which NO ONE WINS.

Place safeguards in the plan that "unless otherwise agreed" - these are the specifics of visitation

Example:

he can exercise up to 3 weekends of a month.
He gives you 1 or 2 weeks notice.
He agrees to take the children to any pre-scheduled lessons, games etc if he exercises visitation on days that these occur.
The children are not to miss school only to attend visitation more than x days per year.

etc you get the idea.

Just make sure that you put in a fair baseline to go back to that works for all of you if the train runs off the track. If you do not, and there is a derailment you will all wish you had something more tangible to rely on than "Reasonable"

 

[Whyte Noise]

As a response to the adding in time when dad visits the area...

My ex and I live 400 miles apart. In the parenting plan, I put a stipulation stating just this. That when he travels to the area, he is entitled to extra parenting time, he just has to give 24 hours notice so that accommodations can be made to facilitate it. The extra parenting time precludes anything else.

 

[divorcedwhitema]

legally who knows what u can do...but i find rather selfish of you to move your children so far way from their father..the future that brings u will see...such as no bonding eventually no ties women like you seem to be vindictive but try to look like an angel while doing it but i guess you made your choice so im sure your ready for the consequences of it...arent you?

 

[divorcedwhitema]

wow parenting by webcam...technology is just wonderful huh?