Verbal Attacks on Drop off/Pick up

[swtwilma]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

What can I do if step mom verbally attacks me in front of kids on drop off pick up?

This is unfortunatly not the first time this has happened.

In the past I asked that Dad only be present. Once again though she decided it was better to yell and scream at me in front of my kids, and the kicker is she was telling me that I should not let my daughter wear a tank top to her house because it is not modest.

I can deal with her ranting, but I don't think it is right for my kids to hear their step mom screaming at me (their mom). It drives a bigger wedge between my kids and their dad.

If dad is unwilling to keep his wife out of the mix (and I will try to talk to him again) is there anything legally I can do to keep her away from drop off and pick up? And to answer the next question that will be asked, the parenting plan says nothing about who can pick up or drop off.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

If dad is unwilling to keep his wife out of the mix (and I will try to talk to him again) is there anything legally I can do to keep her away from drop off and pick up? And to answer the next question that will be asked, the parenting plan says nothing about who can pick up or drop off.

This isn't legal advice, but talk to him, see if you two can figure out another place to meet where she isn't involved if she can't keep her mouth shut. She's got no dog in the fight (I like that saying, thanks Seniors! ). Its ultimately better for the kids to keep things civil, see if he'll agree to talk to her based solely on this. If she cares for the kids, maybe she'll agree to it?

 

[CourtClerk]

How old are the children?
Where are the pick up/drop off's taking place?
What has dad's position been in this whole thing?

 

[swtwilma]

Kids are 11, 9 and 7. Pick up and drop off is at a neutral location (a taco bell mid way between our homes).

This has happened many times in the past and I asked him to keep her away at pick up and drop off's due, which happened for a while then here we go again. She will come alone to drop off my kids or with him. Usually he is with her, which would be fine if she would just not say anything, but that is tough for her.

I actually did get ahold of him tonight and told him that I think it would be best if he and I handled the drop off pick ups from now on. He agreed, but this has been the trend. She will back off for a while then let loose on me when she gets a chance.

If it isn't email, texts or phone calls then it will be at any public function with my kids in tow. I can hang up the phone and not speak with her, but I just want her to stop it in front of the kids. After 5 years, I see the pattern and know it will happen again and again and it breaks my heart to see my kids hurt over and over.

As I stated before I am an adult and can easily deal with the hateful things she says, but the kids can't stand hearing their step mom slam their mom. The horrible part of it is that they resent her and in turn resent their dad for supporting it.

Divorce...got to love it!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

What can I do if step mom verbally attacks me in front of kids on drop off pick up?

This is unfortunatly not the first time this has happened.

In the past I asked that Dad only be present. Once again though she decided it was better to yell and scream at me in front of my kids, and the kicker is she was telling me that I should not let my daughter wear a tank top to her house because it is not modest.

I can deal with her ranting, but I don't think it is right for my kids to hear their step mom screaming at me (their mom). It drives a bigger wedge between my kids and their dad.

If dad is unwilling to keep his wife out of the mix (and I will try to talk to him again) is there anything legally I can do to keep her away from drop off and pick up? And to answer the next question that will be asked, the parenting plan says nothing about who can pick up or drop off.

I have to say that the bolded is one of the most ridiculous things that I have seen a stepparent complain about. The woman is an idiot.

 

[dad43]

I have to say that the bolded is one of the most ridiculous things that I have seen a stepparent complain about. The woman is an idiot.

well, i agree about 99.9%, but my wife complained to me a few times about my 6 year olds attire, when her mom dropped her off(i worked evenings, so i wasn't there for pu/do times)...then 1 day my mother was at my home, and saw what my 6 year old daughter was wearing! a pair of jeans so low, you could see half her panties standing up AND, for some reason, and training bra and a tube top! that doesn't count the "fuzzy hooker boots" as my wife and friends call them(not on my daughter, just in everyday talk)...

but yes, a tank top is a little bit excessive, isn't it?

 

[Ohiogal]

well, i agree about 99.9%, but my wife complained to me a few times about my 6 year olds attire, when her mom dropped her off(i worked evenings, so i wasn't there for pu/do times)...then 1 day my mother was at my home, and saw what my 6 year old daughter was wearing! a pair of jeans so low, you could see half her panties standing up AND, for some reason, and training bra and a tube top! that doesn't count the "fuzzy hooker boots" as my wife and friends call them(not on my daughter, just in everyday talk)...

but yes, a tank top is a little bit excessive, isn't it?

Truthfully there is nothing wrong a tube top or training bra on a six year old. She is young for the bra but hey if she wants to wear them nothing wrong with them. And UGGS are a fashion statement.

 

[commentator]

commentator

As someone else has said, not legal advice, but from a counselor's standpoint.
As you said, "What I want is for this to stop happening." Exactly. It sounds as though your ex-husband is amenable to doing what you suggest toward keeping the peace, and that you can work out things on the short term, but gradually she will wear him down and work her way back into this situation where she gets a chance to bad-mouth you. You're just sick of this and want it never to happen again. I don't blame you.

You say "I can handle it, but it upsets the children." Truth is, it is very upsetting to YOU. And the kids too, because they hear how upset you are. They don't want you to be hurt. Is there any potential for getting your kids some short term therapy to help them deal with these issues constructively? Also, how about some for you? Because you are truly going to have to model healthy behavior for your children, while they are being exposed to unhealthy behavior from their stepmother.

Having raised children in a situation similar, I know that what you want is probably not going to happen. It sounds as though your husband's new wife has the stronger personality, will wear him down and do what she pleases, and she has a big obsession with fighting you right now. Some people just have to have something to fight. Don't fall into the trap of fighting her back.

Teach your children that there is a mature, professional and grown up way to respond to other people's stupid behavior. Ignoring her words and not giving them weight by fighting with her and responding to each mean thing she says is one way. She is stepping outside the boundaries each time she does this.

Document, keep records, and let her (through your ex husband) know that it is not acceptable. Let them know that you will not give her the satisfaction of responding with a scene or a fight, will not let her provoke you into taking a swing at her or something, but you will respond through the courts if necessary.

I hope your children will be able to see the value in your responses, and not buy into the "fighting all the time" and "living with insanity" scenario she is trying to interject into something which in reality is not hers to be involved with. Perhaps it will impress your husband to grow a backbone if you request he help you provide counseling for your children due a situation he has allowed.

 

[Rushia]

I'm sorry but I feel the need to hijack for a moment.

And UGGS are a fashion statement.

WHY!!!???? Those things are the ugliest, stupidest, useless things on the face of the earth.

end hijack, sorry OP.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Document, keep records, and let her (through your ex husband) know that it is not acceptable. Let them know that you will not give her the satisfaction of responding with a scene or a fight, will not let her provoke you into taking a swing at her or something, but you will respond through the courts if necessary.
/QUOTE]

Would the response through the court be a restraining order on the step mom? I realize that this would be an extreme case measure, but would mom be able to get some relief from this?

 

[truebluemd]

when you drop them off, do you both drive? your kids are old enough to open the door and get out of the car right? Why not try parking a visual distance away from dads car and let the kids get out of your car and walk to where dad is (so you can at least still see them) so that there is no contact with the wife.

As far as how you dress your child, thats a parenting issue, not legal. As ridiculous as the wife's comment is, remember its her own opionion and is no more significant than that of any other legal stranger. She has no say in how you or dad dress your kids. Apparently she is bitter over some things that she is still dealing with.

 

[truebluemd]

Would the response through the court be a restraining order on the step mom? I realize that this would be an extreme case measure, but would mom be able to get some relief from this?

If you can get a enough proof of her irrational/inappropriate behavior then you can try to go back to request the custody order be modified to exclude the wife from being present at exchanges. You will have to have detailed documentation of each incident. Its still tough to predict what a judge will decide.

have you noticed any effects of this on the kids?

 

[truebluemd]

I'm sorry but I feel the need to hijack for a moment.



WHY!!!???? Those things are the ugliest, stupidest, useless things on the face of the earth.

end hijack, sorry OP.

I think the designer knew that when he coined the name UGG!!!

 

[CourtClerk]

WHY!!!???? Those things are the ugliest, stupidest, useless things on the face of the earth.

More hijacking..

CO-SIGN, and if you live in Southern California and are wearing them the only statement you're making is "I'm tacky and I don't know how to dress," especially if you're wearing them with shorts.

It hardly gets cold enough to justify wearing UGGS, unless you're going to the mountains. If that's the case, wear them in the mountains.

 

[truebluemd]

More hijacking..

CO-SIGN, and if you live in Southern California and are wearing them the only statement you're making is "I'm tacky and I don't know how to dress," especially if you're wearing them with shorts.

It hardly gets cold enough to justify wearing UGGS, unless you're going to the mountains. If that's the case, wear them in the mountains.

my last time hijacking but I gotta say, I never understood the need to wear these boots in 80+ degree weather. even 70+