Visitation Guidleline Help Needed

[stealth2]

Our current order for visitation is every other weekend, he provides transportation to and from.

And does this take your move into account?

 

[FLColletti]

Thank you, Huntersmommy!
Finally, someone understands that the heck is going on. Now, I don't have anyone who would be able to help provide transportation. My husband would ring his neck if I weren't around, if you know what I mean. And honestly, he wouldn't be willing to do so. What would you do?

 

[FLColletti]

stealth,
there has not been any modification to the current order. The court has only been notified by my change of residential address.

 

[CJane]

Thank you, Huntersmommy!
Finally, someone understands that the heck is going on. Now, I don't have anyone who would be able to help provide transportation. My husband would ring his neck if I weren't around, if you know what I mean. And honestly, he wouldn't be willing to do so. What would you do?

Your husband wouldn't be willing to meet him at a neutral location at which he'd be required to have NO contact with the ex at all, in order to keep the ex from filing contempt charges against you? Nice guy.

 

[FLColletti]

I understand what you are thinking... but that is just the way he is. He doesn't want to be in the middle of it.

 

[CJane]

I understand what you are thinking... but that is just the way he is. He doesn't want to be in the middle of it.

He got in the middle of it when he chose to accept a job that far away. You got in the middle of it when you chose to go with him without modifying your visitation first. The kids are, unfortunately, stuck in the middle of it.

Find an attorney. If you violate the statutes regarding visitation in your state, you risk contempt charges. If you continue violating the statutes, you risk losing your children completely.

What, do you think, is the best option here?

 

[FLColletti]

You have to see it from his point of view. These boys have been exposed to SO much by my ex. My 8 year olf can tell you where his father keeps his dirty movies (Pornagraphy) and can also tell you what he has seen his father do (Masturbation). My 4 year old was caught undressed on top of another child. The only place he would have learned this type of thing is from exposure. My husband just wants all of it to be over with and is tired of me being stressed about it all. Fortunately, it has not caused any problems with he and I or with the boys. The only stability these kids have are me and my husband, who loves them more than anything, and only wants them to grow up happy and healthy.

 

[FLColletti]

He got in the middle of it when he chose to accept a job that far away. You got in the middle of it when you chose to go with him without modifying your visitation first. The kids are, unfortunately, stuck in the middle of it.

Find an attorney. If you violate the statutes regarding visitation in your state, you risk contempt charges. If you continue violating the statutes, you risk losing your children completely.

What, do you think, is the best option here?

My husband had no choice in the move. I had no choice in the move, I don't think its fair to think that I wouldn't follow my husband when he is transfered so far away. If he had quit his job, he would have taken a HUGE paycut, Big enough that we would have to live practically in poverty. I don't see any judge in his right mind to think that what we did was wrong. I understand that my ex should get visitation, REASONABLE visitation considering we live 4 hours apart. I understand that we should meet half way, but unfortunately due to my physical circumstances am under doctor's orders not to even drive 30 minutes away. This guy has caused problems with ANYONE and EVERYONE who would have been willing at this point to help. He has burned every bridge he had. Department of Children and Families has been providing counseling to rehabilitate what they have been exposed to in his care. They are in the midst of an investigation for the accusations made by my 8 year old and his brother. The investigator stated that if he is found guilty for doing what he is accused of and I have been willingly allowing them to go over there unsupervised that I could be found guilty of contributing. However, they will not step into a courtroom until the accusations have been substantiated. My ex has been uncooperative with them to the point that he has even turned his home telephone off and will not answer any incoming calls in his cell phone. After speaking with a DCF Supervisor of Investigations today I have found out that now they can't locate him at his residence at any time of day or evening. There are so many nooks and crannies in this, I really opened a can of worms by asking for advice, but I'm at my wits end here.

 

[CJane]

Well, if he's completely out of communication, how would you arrange visitation?

Find an attorney tomorrow. It's really your only option.

 

[FLColletti]

He's in constant communication with me. I answer my phone regardless of who it is and if I want to speak with them.

 

[huntersmommy06]

There are so many nooks and crannies in this, I really opened a can of worms by asking for advice, but I'm at my wits end here.

I would follow CJane's advice in regards to speaking with a lawyer to file a modification immediately. Here are some things to think about if you don't find a way to meet your ex:
(4)(c) When a custodial parent refuses to honor a noncustodial parent's or grandparent's visitation rights without proper cause, the court shall, after calculating the amount of visitation improperly denied, award the noncustodial parent or grandparent a sufficient amount of extra visitation to compensate the noncustodial parent or grandparent, which visitation shall be ordered as expeditiously as possible in a manner consistent with the best interests of the child and scheduled in a manner that is convenient for the person deprived of visitation. In ordering any makeup visitation, the court shall schedule such visitation in a manner that is consistent with the best interests of the child or children and that is convenient for the noncustodial parent or grandparent. In addition, the court:
1. May order the custodial parent to pay reasonable court costs and attorney's fees incurred by the noncustodial parent or grandparent to enforce their visitation rights or make up improperly denied visitation;
2. May order the custodial parent to attend the parenting course approved by the judicial circuit;
3. May order the custodial parent to do community service if the order will not interfere with the welfare of the child;
4. May order the custodial parent to have the financial burden of promoting frequent and continuing contact when the custodial parent and child reside further than 60 miles from the noncustodial parent;
5. May award custody, rotating custody, or primary residence to the noncustodial parent, upon the request of the noncustodial parent, if the award is in the best interests of the child; or
6. May impose any other reasonable sanction as a result of noncompliance.
(d) A person who violates this subsection may be punished by contempt of court or other remedies as the court deems appropriate.

I wish you luck!

 

[abstract99]

What is the name of your state? Florida
**This is a sticky situation**
I recently relocated from my children's hometown to about 4 hours north due to my husbands change of employment. Before our move my 8 year old claimed that his father had been sleeping with his 4 year old brother, which I have custody of, naked. My 4 year old had been exhibiting behavior that was unacceptable and ended up having to report the entire situation to the authorities for investigation. At this time, there have been no criminal charges filed and it seems like there won't be, but Department of Children & Families are continuing their investigation. My boy's father was notified 2 months prior to our move. He never wanted to discuss visitation and never iniciated what he wanted done about visitation. I have been here at our new location for going on 3 weeks now. Last Thursday the father called me assuming that because it was his weekend for visitation (because it was every other weekend) wanting to know where we would be meeting to exchange the kids. I explained because of my current condition (being 32 weeks pregnant) I was not able to meet him at all due to doctor's orders. He flew off the handle and immediately threatened to take me to court to take away custody. I understand that can't happen overnight without a legal fight, which I am prepared for. I allowed him to claim one of the boys on his income tax return this year to help with costs of travel, that was clearly explained and he knew I was not obligated to do such. What is the best step legally to take in this situation? Should continuing to allow the "Open Door" policy that he is welcome to come here to visit them, without extending any overnights until the investigation is closed. I had no choice in the move, neither did my husband. It was move or be unemployed. I can not afford to provide transportation for an unreasonable amount of visitation. I also do not feel that it is fair for the rest of the family to spend every other weekend driving for their brothers for visitation. What is the best way to solve this problem? Any advice is greatly helpful, because I'm at a loss here.

Since you created the distance you are legally bound to now provide the transportation. you should have gone to court prior to your move to request permission from the judge to do so. Don't think that just because you have sole custody you can just up and move and still make the Ex responsable for the now 8 hour drive that you are soley responsable for. Now don't jusp down my throuaght and yell at me saying that you had to move because I read that part. Read this....

Under What Circumstances Can The Primary Residential Parent Relocate With the Child After a Dissolution of Marriage?
After dissolution if a primary residential parent wants to move and the move would materially interfere with the other parent's contact with and access to the children, there are a series of statutory factors that a court will be required to consider before issuing an order that permits a parent to move with the children. It is possible that a parent will be denied permission to move with the children. This may occur if the other parent has been an involved parent, the move is not in the best interest of the children, and a substituted schedule of contact with the children may not be sufficient to maintain the secondary residential parent’s relationship with the children.

No presumption arises in favor of or against a request to relocate when a primary residential parent seeks to move the child and the move will materially affect the current schedule of contact and access with the secondary residential parent. In making a determination as to whether the primary residential parent may relocate with a child, the court must consider the following factors:

1. Whether the move would be likely to improve the general quality of life for both the residential parent and the child.

2. The extent to which visitation rights have been allowed and exercised.

3. Whether the primary residential parent, once out of the jurisdiction, will be likely to comply with any substitute visitation arrangements.

4. Whether the substitute visitation will be adequate to foster a continuing meaningful relationship between the child and the secondary residential parent.

5. Whether the cost of transportation is financially affordable by one or both parties.

6. Whether the move is in the best interests of the child. FL ST 61.13 (2) (d)

I also do not feel that it is fair for the rest of the family to spend every other weekend driving for their brothers for visitation.

If you did not think it was fair then why did you move? Yeah yeah I know... you had to. SOOOOOOO since you made the choice to make the distance then you should be prepaired to face the consenquences. Did you plan to move and then expect the Father to drive 16 hours (4 there, 4 back, 4 there again at the end of the weekend, 4 back at the end of the weekend.) to see his kids. It seems to me that if you cannot be making the drive then you should find someone else (i.e. your new hubbie) to do it for you. If you are lucky the courts will rule that the parent that has the child at the time will provide the transportation (i.e. You drive them there and he drives them back) but be prepaired to have to provide for all of it.

As for the naked thing. Was he abusing the child when he slept with him? Or was he just letting his son sleep in the same bed as him because the son was having nightmares? I think that as long as they are both males and they are sleeping on different sides of the bed, not touching eachother, it should be fine. There are tons of fathers out there that take showers with their younger sons. I had a friend that was from Holland and they allowed their children to walk around the house naked all the time (when they were younger). It taught them to be comfortable with their own bodies. I personally don't condone it myself but it is something to think about. What kind of unacceptable behavior are we talking about. My children were exibiting unacceptable behavior and I found out that while they were in their mother's custody she was having sex with her husband with the door open thinking that the children were in bed but they were not. Look into it further.

 

[abstract99]

My children were exibiting unacceptable behavior and I found out that while they were in their mother's custody she was having sex with her husband with the door open thinking that the children were in bed but they were not. Look into it further.

What I ment to get at here is children are by nature curious. Your husband could have his porn well hid but the children might have snooped through his room and found it. In reguards to the masterbation.... was he doing it in his room with his door closed and the kids were peeking in under the door? If so then the kids are at fault here not your husband. If he is watching porn in front of them and masterbating with the door open then he is at fault here. I would really look into it before you go into court and through acusations around. It seems to me that if it was a clear cut case then DCFS would have already pressed charges.

 

[FLColletti]

What I ment to get at here is children are by nature curious. Your husband could have his porn well hid but the children might have snooped through his room and found it. In reguards to the masterbation.... was he doing it in his room with his door closed and the kids were peeking in under the door? If so then the kids are at fault here not your husband. If he is watching porn in front of them and masterbating with the door open then he is at fault here. I would really look into it before you go into court and through acusations around. It seems to me that if it was a clear cut case then DCFS would have already pressed charges.

Nothing is a clear cut case for DCFS. He was watching the pornagraphy an a 60" wide screen television in the living room while masturbating on the couch. My 8 year old has refused to return since, which my ex doesn't force him to go because of what he has seen. The kid is traumatized and completely embarrassed. DCFA originally thought that criminal charges could be made, but after the Major Crimes Department of the Sheriffs Department investigated there were not. I spoke with the OPA of Investigations yesterday, they are investigating. My ex is unwilling to cooperate. They can't just bust the door down and force him to an interview. I was assured by the OPA that they would be willing to testify on my behalf that the environment is not safe for a child without supervison, but that is once the investigation is completed and closed.

 

[abstract99]

Nothing is a clear cut case for DCFS. He was watching the pornagraphy an a 60" wide screen television in the living room while masturbating on the couch. My 8 year old has refused to return since, which my ex doesn't force him to go because of what he has seen. The kid is traumatized and completely embarrassed. DCFA originally thought that criminal charges could be made, but after the Major Crimes Department of the Sheriffs Department investigated there were not. I spoke with the OPA of Investigations yesterday, they are investigating. My ex is unwilling to cooperate. They can't just bust the door down and force him to an interview. I was assured by the OPA that they would be willing to testify on my behalf that the environment is not safe for a child without supervison, but that is once the investigation is completed and closed.

You can take the children to an unbiased mediator and have the mediator testify in court.