Visitation hearing

[whitedoveh]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

In 2 weeks we will have a hearing to determine custodial parent. We were never married and my ex girlfriend has taken my son and I havent seen him since Jan 15th. She went to work at a daycare and she claims that Job and Family Srvs would only pay for it if he were enrolled fulltime. This was a lie because I called J & F S and they said they would pay for partime. Our relationship didn't work out so now she's using our son as a pawn to get what she wants. I am paying child support...so why can't I get the time I want with my son. I would like to have him from Friday to Monday. What is the law? My lawyer says I will get visitation....and since its 2 hrs away.....he thinks it may be every other weekend.....so on that weekend...why can't I ask for 5 days....since I work evenings....I can spend time with him Friday, Sat. Sun., Mon and Tues. Or is there a chance I could ask for every other week. My parents live just 10 miles away and they can take care of him at night while I'm at work. And also....what is the difference between deciding custodial parent and visitation rights? Should I be asking for joint custody and not visitation rights? Or why couldn't I ask for custody and her seek visitation rights, since she's been so onesided and kept him from me this long.

 

[Chriserika]

You haven't seen him since Jan. 15th? This isn't gonna look good for you.
But you can ask for custody...you can ask for anything you want. What you really would be willing to take is joint custody? So you start a suit and attempt to get her to agree out of court. But be fully prepared to go all the way through court. You want more than every other weekend. Ask for a schedule that fits. Get as much time as you can -- all you risk is nothing. (a "no"?) Go for over 50% and know in the back of your mind that if she gives you everyother weekend and 1 or 2 days in the week, you still "won".

 

[stealth2]

Hey Chris - could you go answer the question(s) you were asked here, please? https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=233648 Thanks.

 

[whitedoveh]

Ohio It is not my choice that I haven't seen him since Jan. 15th. She had her phone disconnected and refuses my calls where she works and specifically said if I wanted to see my son again, I had to take her to court. This has been a long drawn out process because the lawyer had to transfer her records of child support from one county to another. So you still think it looks bad on my part?? All attempts at trying to see my son were futile. And I was warned if I kept calling her work, she would call the police.
Which was the only way I had of reaching her. My lawyer advised me not to harrass her. And since she lives about 2 and half hours away... I can't just hop in my car and contact her anyway. Not with my work schedule.

 

[stepmom&mom]

My best advice at this point is to document everything. Keep a journal. Mail her letters of intent to exercise visitation and send a copy to the county court clerk.

 

[whitedoveh]

I hate to beat a dead horse, but our hearing is next week and I still need a few pointers. Since my ex girlfriend is the one that moved away, shouldn't she be obligated to drive the distance for exchange. I am not required to meet her half way ...right? Before she stopped visitation, I was meeting her half way....but have since talked to people and they assure me she is responsible for the distance. Would this look bad at the hearing if I bicker over the distance or should I ask that she be responsible?

 

[stealth2]

The question is - how great is the distance? Does it justify making a stand? *Personally*, I wouldn't be too worked up if we were talking an hour or so. Much further than that, I'd be pushing to have the other parent responsible if s/he created the distance.

Okay, I see it's 2 hours..... That's a call only you can make, whether it's a hill you're willing to die on. Personally (again LOL), I think it's worth asking for. And being willing to settle for splitting it.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?Ohio

In 2 weeks we will have a hearing to determine custodial parent. We were never married and my ex girlfriend has taken my son and I havent seen him since Jan 15th. She went to work at a daycare and she claims that Job and Family Srvs would only pay for it if he were enrolled fulltime. This was a lie because I called J & F S and they said they would pay for partime. Our relationship didn't work out so now she's using our son as a pawn to get what she wants. I am paying child support...so why can't I get the time I want with my son. I would like to have him from Friday to Monday. What is the law? My lawyer says I will get visitation....and since its 2 hrs away.....he thinks it may be every other weekend.....so on that weekend...why can't I ask for 5 days....since I work evenings....I can spend time with him Friday, Sat. Sun., Mon and Tues. Or is there a chance I could ask for every other week. My parents live just 10 miles away and they can take care of him at night while I'm at work. And also....what is the difference between deciding custodial parent and visitation rights? Should I be asking for joint custody and not visitation rights? Or why couldn't I ask for custody and her seek visitation rights, since she's been so onesided and kept him from me this long.

Realistically....if you work nights, and she doesn't, your changes of getting the judge to give you primary custody are slim. I realize that you can have your parents watch the child at night while you work....but that doesn't fly when the other parent is available to be with the child at night. If she is working at a daycare...and the child is also enrolled in that daycare...then she can also be with the child while she is working too.

Do you see where I am going with this? If she has primary custody she can be with the child 24 hours a day. If you get primary custody you cannot be with the child at night. You might be able to have the weekends be longer than the standard Fri-Sun....but that would only last until the child starts school.

 

[Inquiry123]

What's best for Jr.?

How old is Jr.?

If you want to have your son 5 days a week, YOU need to seek Residential Custody -- with mom having visitation. If that's what's going to be best for your son, you need to figure out what you're doing and get on your horse (you've only got a week or so and your att'y HAS to be prepared.)

To the contrary, that you had been visiting your son and mom has recently refused contact may work in your favor. When determining custody, the court is concerned with which parent would be most likely to encourage continuing contact between the child and the other parent. It sounds like she's trying to hamper contact, not facilitate it. You need to show the court why YOU'RE the parent who wants BOTH parents involved.

Follow your atty's advice...it's only another week...DON'T harrass her with calls at work. Even if you're not given residential custody, the judge will order a visitation schedule and you'll see your son soon.

You need to have your parents at the hearing to show the court that they are willing to be involved in childcare while you are working. Is it better that the child be cared for by family members or by a daycare?

Remember, if you're going to be the bigger parent, you need to show the court that you'll do what it takes. Maybe that means offering to do half of the transportation on the weekends (even though you didn't create the distance.) Maybe you offer EVERY weekend for mom...and a lot of time during the summer, etc. Good luck.

 

[whitedoveh]

My son is 2 and half years old. I always wanted both of us to be involved in his life. We even signed an agreement when we split to do the shared parenting, which my lawyer has. I don't know how valid that is though. And I always kept with the schedule we were doing. Further, the night that my parents would have him would only be on Friday ...and he would be asleep..so I can't see as that is a difference whether he's with me or my parents. What I'm really asking for is Friday 10:00 a.m. to Monday 4:00 p.m.
I'm not too pleased about the daycare (which is also the Mom's workplace) since they lied to us about him being required to be enrolled fulltime so that J & F Services would pay for it. And I have a letter from J & F S to prove that. So since the daycare is lying for her...I don't have much faith in them teaching my son what is right.

Yes, my parents are going to the hearing with me. Another reason I want my son on the weekends is because Mom likes the bars and she frequents those on the weekend with her bartender friend live-in. At least when he's with me, he would be assured I'm home with him.

 

[LdiJ]

My son is 2 and half years old. I always wanted both of us to be involved in his life. We even signed an agreement when we split to do the shared parenting, which my lawyer has. I don't know how valid that is though. And I always kept with the schedule we were doing. Further, the night that my parents would have him would only be on Friday ...and he would be asleep..so I can't see as that is a difference whether he's with me or my parents. What I'm really asking for is Friday 10:00 a.m. to Monday 4:00 p.m.
I'm not too pleased about the daycare (which is also the Mom's workplace) since they lied to us about him being required to be enrolled fulltime so that J & F Services would pay for it. And I have a letter from J & F S to prove that. So since the daycare is lying for her...I don't have much faith in them teaching my son what is right.

Yes, my parents are going to the hearing with me. Another reason I want my son on the weekends is because Mom likes the bars and she frequents those on the weekend with her bartender friend live-in. At least when he's with me, he would be assured I'm home with him.

You probably can get Friday to Monday...every other weekend...at least until he starts school. I think you are seriously pushing it to get EVERY weekend Friday to Monday. Most judges recogize that both parents are entitled to have weekend time with their kids.

In terms of the child...there really is no difference in her going out after the child goes to bed and you going to work after the child goes to bed. Particularly if its her family that watches the child when she goes out.

The daycare may not be lying for her. The daycare may not accept J&F students unless its full time....many don't because of the pay scales.

 

[whitedoveh]

The J & F S called the daycare and used a random client to find out if they would take partime children and the same person that told me they didn't....told her they did.....sooooo!!!

 

[LdiJ]

The J & F S called the daycare and used a random client to find out if they would take partime children and the same person that told me they didn't....told her they did.....sooooo!!!

Ok...then its possible that the daycare could be lying for her...or TO her as well as you.

However that doesn't change the rest of it. The child still isn't really in daycare in the traditional sense...because the child is with mom too.

 

[whitedoveh]

But the main thing is.....we were having regular visitation every weekend...no prob for either of us.... son was doing fine......then she gets the fulltime job at the daycare and this is when the lies started....

And when I confronted her with this, she stops all visitation and won't let me see my son at all. So she is not being cooperative and she has cut off all means of communication.

And she does not have the best interests of my son at heart or she wouldn't have lied to me and she wouldn't have stopped visitation.

 

[whitedoveh]

Ok. Court next week. Still trying to get some things straight in my mind. I read a lot of stuff on this forum and it poses new questions. I have never established paternity . My name is on the birth certificate. There was never a question on either mine or my ex's part that he wasn't. I didn't contest paying child support. Will the matter of paternity even come up at the hearing?