visitation information

[corbinsmom]

What is the name of your state? Iowa


Basically, I want to know what my rights are as far as being informed of where my son's dad takes him while he's visiting (e.g. when/if he takes him out of the state, etc.).

My son's dad believes it's simply none of my business where my son is, or whom he is with during his visitation. I have physical custody and he has visitation rights. He often takes him out of the state without telling me. He has given me a cell phone number for contact purposes, but the few times I've needed to use it to reach them because he was unreachable at home or work, he either has the phone turned off, he simply doesn't answer, or he's left the phone in his car or at home. So, the contact information he's provided me with is largely unreliable.

Help, please!!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

What is the name of your state? Iowa


Basically, I want to know what my rights are as far as being informed of where my son's dad takes him while he's visiting (e.g. when/if he takes him out of the state, etc.).

My son's dad believes it's simply none of my business where my son is, or whom he is with during his visitation. I have physical custody and he has visitation rights. He often takes him out of the state without telling me. He has given me a cell phone number for contact purposes, but the few times I've needed to use it to reach them because he was unreachable at home or work, he either has the phone turned off, he simply doesn't answer, or he's left the phone in his car or at home. So, the contact information he's provided me with is largely unreliable.

Help, please!!

My response:

Your child's father is correct. This is HIS visitation time, and can do with, and take, the child as he pleases. Since you haven't stated anything that would give me pause to believe that Dad is doing anything to place the child in danger, then all I can tell you is to stop "interfering" with Dad's visitation - - unless you feel that going back to court is a "fun" thing to do; because that's where you're headed if you keep this behavior of yours up.

IAAL

 

[MammaBear76]

So. . IAAL. . you don't feel it's important to know what state your children are in? I agree that it is the father's time. . but if my child is being removed from the state. . you better believe I should be aware of it. . for many reasons.

Maybe try a little tact when replying. She is a concerned mother. . MOTHERs and father's alike should know where their children are.

I would just put that as a clause in visitation papers. You can motion to modify on your own, without an attorney. It won't cost anything but your time. You should be notified if your child is leaving the state!!!

 

[corbinsmom]

So, Momma Bear, you believe this is a legitimate request?

My desire has always been to do all I can to solve our "problems" between the two of us, therefore my first course of action has always been to talk to my son's father first. A year after our son was born, his father sued me for custody (the lawsuit was filled with lies and gross inconsistencies which later proved to be his downfall and landed him a harsh reprimand from the judge). But since then, we've enjoyed rather amiable relations and I don't want to do anything to change that.

However, the only thing he ever seems to respond to is absolute letter of the law, not common courtesy or what's truly best for our son.

In order to file this addendum to our visitation, do I simply need to contact the court clerk or is there a special judicial department that I have to talk to?

IAAL, before you attack a person, you should ask some legitimate questions about a situation you clearly know nothing about. I have never interfered in my son's time with his father in spite of what he has put me through. I have always encouraged their time together and their relationship, and have often given him far more visitation than he ever asked for, without being required or requested to do so. My son is barely 4 years old and can't always communicate things the way he'd like to, so it's up to me right now to be sure that he's properly taken care of. That includes knowing where he is when he's not in my care. I can only hope that if/when you have a serious and urgent question, people's responses to you aren't so inflammatory.

 

[MammaBear76]

If you have discussed with him and he refuses to cooperate, then yes, just go to the clerk and file. You will have to mail your ex a copy with the scheduled date on it. And you can go from there. I don't believe the judge will see this as an unreasonable request. You're not even asking for excessive "talk time" during visitation. . just a courtesy to know which state he is in. I think you will be fine on this.

 

[usmcfamily]

Do you (Corbinsmom and Mamabear) make a habit of keeping the NCP aprised of the exact location and plans for your child at all times when you have the child? I would venture to guess you don't.........
Legally the NCP is not under an obligation to make that information available to you (unless it is specifically spelled out in the order) -- their parenting time is just that.
If you wish otherwise you need to petition the courts to have that specifically included in the order and be prepared to possibly take a blasting from the judge for asking for it......

 

[MammaBear76]

Actuall USMC. . venture to guess something else. . I do tell my ex every time I take my daughter across state lines. Even when I was 30 minutes from the IL/WI border. . I would go to my dad's in WI and always tell him. It's called CYA(cover your ass). . . you don't know me. . so don't ever jump to conclusions about what I do or do not do.

As far as day to day. . no. . I don't tell him I'm going to the store. . but crossing state lines is a whole new story. She isn't trying to interfere with anything. . . she is simpy asking to be aware of her child's whereabouts.

 

[usmcfamily]

-- much the same as the reaction you are likely to get from the judge -- but I suppose if you want to continue to encourage her to waste her time and $$$$ feel free......

 

[MammaBear76]

Don't listen to USMC. . just sounds like a jackass. . . . it won't cost you any money.. . . as I stated before. . a little time. But I would "venture to guess" that your child is worth your time. You are obviously concerned enough to ask advice about it. I'm sorry that some people on here are just rude. . . I only reply when I know I can help. It seems others use this site as an outlet for some of their pent up aggression. . .

Anyhow. . hope I was able to help you. I went through the same thing. . and the judge didn't blast me at all. Said it was a reasonable request and it really wasn't a big deal.

Good luck!!

 

[Hailey'sMom]

I agree, you should know if your child is taken out of the state. I tell my s2bxh when I am taking my daughter away for the weekend even if its still within the state limits. I feel he should know even though I have sole custody. When I took my daughter on a cruise for vacation, I told him three months in advance, just to cover my a**, made him sign a notorized letter confirming that he knew and when we would be back. I didn't have to do this, but it is common courtesy to inform the other parent of the childs where abouts.

 

[corbinsmom]

Thank you Momma Bear. It's encouraging to know that someone else has gone through what I'm going through and it all worked out for the children's best interest.

I, too, always, always, always make my ex aware each and every time I take our son out of the state (even when I take him out of the city I let him know). In spite of the fact that he left me the minute he found out I was pregnant, I let him go to prenatal visits. In spite of the fact I had not heard from him for more than two months, I called him when I went into labor and allowed him in the delivery room. From day one, I have always considered him and repeatedly have asked for his input in all decisions. It's been his decision to not give any input, ever, but I will still continue to ask because it's the right thing to do.

My guess is, these other two are most likely fathers who are NCP's and don't like not being in control. That's really what it boils down to with my ex. He's always been a control freak and he becomes extremely unreasonable when he's not the one calling the shots.

And you know, if it cost me millions of dollars, I would pay if it meant that my child would be better off for it. This is about my rights, or the NCP's rights, it's about doing what's best for our child, and that includes making sure he's protected and well taken care of. He's barely 4 years old!

Thanks again for your advice. I'll look into it right away.

 

[MammaBear76]

Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. . . my ex left when I was 2 1/2 months pregnant. Said he was too young to have a child. I was 6 years younger than him!! He didn't even meet my daughter until she was over 1 1/2 old. I do have sole custody and maintain that control of the decisions. Only because he has been in and out since the beginning. He can't be relied on, so I just handle all that. It would be easier if there was someone to share half the responsibility of decision making.

I also agree with your opinion of IAAL and USMC. . I've said that about IAAL all along, but this is the first I've heard of USMC. . but we have to expect some of those on a board like this.

If you need any other help in this or any other matter. . let me know. . my ex has put me through hell and I have been going to court Pro Se (and winning every time) for 4 years! There's not much I haven't seen. . . between my case and sitting in the court room while others are in proceedings! Glad to help!

 

[kidoday]

And you know, if it cost me millions of dollars, I would pay if it meant that my child would be better off for it. This is about my rights, or the NCP's rights, it's about doing what's best for our child, and that includes making sure he's protected and well taken care of. He's barely 4 years old!

Tell me how it is in his best interest that you know when he is out of the state?

Don't listen to USMC, she has only been researching the legal board and has over 1100 posts, I would say that she has a litlle more knowledge than the poster with 74 posts. Maybe this posters situation worked out just fine, but she is not in Iowa and you will be going in front of a different Judge. One that may not be so fond of controlling CP's.

 

[MammaBear76]

Kid- Any jack leg can go on any BB and post as many times as his schedule allows. . does that make them smarter? Not in the least. But if you would rather trust someone who has more posts than someone who has been through the exact same thing. . you go ahead sweetheart!

If I sat online all day long and did nothing but post BS on here but had 1100 posts. . would that make my advice more viable?

Good Luck to you too. . . it sounds like in whatever you're doing you will need it. You shouldn't be so naive. . it's a big bad world!!!

 

[kidoday]

And you shouldn't be so controlling.

I would trust USMC's advice over yours anyday, thank you very much. Hers is given with legal advice in mine and not emotion.

There really is no use to posting to either of you two. You both are controlling and will make up the answers to fit your needs.

Good Luck.