Visitation with abusive step-mother

[dannysmyboy]

I just got off of the phone with my ex. My cell phone has a record feature where I can record in 1 minute increments. I recorded the conversation. I told him that our daughter was scared of his g/f. He said he was aware, of the sitiuation, "what else". I said, do you know that she slapped our daughter, he said "hell no, nobody slapped anybody. Are you stupid?" I said, so are you calling our daughter a liar, and he said yes.

I am going to call CPS now. Can this phone conversation be used in any way?

Not sure if the phone conversation can be used, but I agree with another poster that stated that if CPS shows up at stepmommies house, she might think twice about slapping anybody again. I know it would get my attention, especially if I have kids of my own.

 

[djohnson]

But your a normal reasonable person. Sometimes it makes them mad and they take it out on the kids. Not that I disagree, you do need to call, but be very careful. You don't know how she, or he for that matter, will react.

 

[amiegaines654]

Update

Well, I called CPS and made a report. They said that they could take the report but there was nothing they could really do
I guess I will just pray that she will be ok down there. I ask for everyones prayers!

Thank you all so much for your advise.

 

[djohnson]

Honestly, there isn't much they can do, especially without proof. The purpose is to have it documented and you are trying. Eventually it may help you, but it's a long process. good Luck.

 

[amiegaines654]

Update

For those of you that are interested, my daughter spoke with her dad last night. She told him what his g/f had done. He was pretty speechless for a while. Then he asked his g/f if she had slapped our daughter. She went nuts. She was screaming (in spanish so I didn't understand). He kept telling my daughter that she better not be lying. She was going to cause a big mess if she was. I don't think he really believed her, but he didn't just dismiss it either.
My daughter was pretty upset. She kept saying, "why doesn't he believe me" I told her that she had done the right thing by telling him, and that she had to give him the opportunity to fix it. She was still pretty devestated.

 

[djohnson]

I think that is great. Maybe it will help some. Good Luck

 

[amiegaines654]

Update

Here is an update to this situation for those that are interested.

My daughter called her dad this weekend. He has not called or seen her since she called him about her s/m slapping her during Christmas visit. S/M answered the phone, and my daughter asked to speak to her dad. The s/m said "hang on you ... liar. When her dad got on the phone, she told him what the s/m had said. He said that drew the line for him, and that he thought he was going to get out of that relationship. He asked to speak to me. He told me that he didn't think it was a good time for her to come visit. I agree.

It was probably the most adult, calm conversation that we have had in a long time, and I am hoping that this situation will get much better.

 

[thetsgtswife]

Here is an update to this situation for those that are interested.

My daughter called her dad this weekend. He has not called or seen her since she called him about her s/m slapping her during Christmas visit. S/M answered the phone, and my daughter asked to speak to her dad. The s/m said "hang on you ...liar. When her dad got on the phone, she told him what the s/m had said. He said that drew the line for him, and that he thought he was going to get out of that relationship. He asked to speak to me. He told me that he didn't think it was a good time for her to come visit. I agree.

It was probably the most adult, calm conversation that we have had in a long time, and I am hoping that this situation will get much better.

OMG!! I am so sorry for you and your daughter!! I really hope that this has made dad see how she treats your daughter and he really leaves this relationship. I know that if I treated my step-son like this my hubby would have given me the boot on the spot.

There is no excuse for what she has put your daughter through.

I just cant get over a step mom doing this to her step child, the child of the man she supposedly loves. Its people like her that give all of the step parents out there a bad name.

Please let us know how this works out!

TSGTSWIFE

 

[amiegaines654]

OMG!! I am so sorry for you and your daughter!! I really hope that this has made dad see how she treats your daughter and he really leaves this relationship. I know that if I treated my step-son like this my hubby would have given me the boot on the spot.

There is no excuse for what she has put your daughter through.

I just cant get over a step mom doing this to her step child, the child of the man she supposedly loves. Its people like her that give all of the step parents out there a bad name.

Please let us know how this works out!

TSGTSWIFE

Yeah, it has been hard on her, mostly because she doesn't understand why her dad didn't believe her.
If he doesn't end his relationship, I will contact an attorney, and will try for a modification in visitation. Hopefully we can modify it so she can see her dad, but s/m (not really s/m because they are not married, but have lived together for over 5 years) will not be allowed around her. It will be difficult because none of this can really be proven. Hopefully the fact that they are not married will help.
Does anyone know how I might fair with that?

 

[mywholeworld]

If still nervous about CPS call, why not call police dispatch, make a report and get an incident #?

 

[amiegaines654]

If still nervous about CPS call, why not call police dispatch, make a report and get an incident #?

Well, this incident happened during Christmas visit, and my daughter didn't tell anyone. She only said something when he wanted her to come visit. She got scared and went to school very upset. She told the counsler, and her teacher, who in turn informed me. I then spoke with my daughter, and we then called her dad.

I called CPS just so that there was a documentation somewhere that I was concerned. I also have a letter from my daughters teacher for reference.

I don't think that the police would do much since the incident was almost 6 months ago. I have discussed the importance of informing both her dad and myself of anything out of the oridnary ASAP.

Could I have visitation modified if he doesn't end this relationship?

 

[jhedge]

Cps...

is more of a joke unless someone else calls. What did the teacher and counselor say about the slap? Working with kids, I know that we have to call CPS if we even suspect anything going on. I would find out how to get something wriiten from CPS stating the slap incident. I hope Dad fixes this and how do you stay calm through this? I would document EVERYTHING. Write down the incidents of the bruise also. I would keep a journal of everything. A lawyer will help you modify if there is a signifigant circumstance. Even though, I think a slap is, I'm not sure what the judge will thing. Also, TX is every three years you can modify too.

 

[amiegaines654]

is more of a joke unless someone else calls. What did the teacher and counselor say about the slap? Working with kids, I know that we have to call CPS if we even suspect anything going on. I would find out how to get something wriiten from CPS stating the slap incident. I hope Dad fixes this and how do you stay calm through this? I would document EVERYTHING. Write down the incidents of the bruise also. I would keep a journal of everything. A lawyer will help you modify if there is a signifigant circumstance. Even though, I think a slap is, I'm not sure what the judge will thing. Also, TX is every three years you can modify too.

I stay calm because I know that freaking out and losing control will not help this situation. My daughter is freaked out enough, I have to stay calm for her. I do have everything documented. Honestly, he only exercises his visitation once or twice a year. Sometimes a little more. He pays child support. He told her that him and his g/f were having alot of problems, and he didn't think it was a good time to come down. That can mean one of two things, 1) he is considering leaving her, and needs time to settle things down, or 2) the g/f told him she would leave if he didn't cut off communication. I am truly hoping that it is 1, but I just don't know. I guess we will see the next time he calls.

Thanks to all for your thoughts and advice. I appreciate it!!!!