WittyUserName
Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Idaho. And possibly denial.
Dad and I are in the middle of trying to negotiate a custody/visitation agreement for our daughter. Support order has been in place for years, but we do not have orders regarding custody/visitation. We've found a mediator, and both have had our preliminary individual meetings with her. Mine was in person, Dad's via telephone. Dad will be flying in from his residence in another state so that we can do the joint mediation session in person.
I had asked to do the in-person mediation in May, as I have planned to be out of town for a few weeks in June, and will be unavailable. The mediator called Friday to say that Dad was asking if we could push mediation back to June 7, due to his scheduling. We (DD and I) aren't leaving until the 8th, so although it's not my ideal timeline, it's workable.
Here's my issue – Dad and I had talked previously about him spending some time with DD when he was here in town. The two of them have not seen each other in 18 months. He's called twice in the last three months to tell her he was coming for a visit and then backed out less than 24 hours ahead. So she's been anticipating a possible Dad visit for a while. I do not want to keep her from her time with Dad. It might work really nicely, actually; Dad and I head to mediation in the a.m., after which he and DD can go and spend some time together. As long as she's home by the next afternoon with plenty of time to catch our flight, no problem.
However, while 90% of me is confident that this will likely be a no-hassle, Mom & Dad-are-on-our-best-behavior kind of visit...there's a slightly fearful 10% (bolstered, I might add, from lots of time spent perusing the often-entertaining archives of this very forum) that asks, What if he doesn't return her at the appointed time? Because with no custody/visitation orders, I might be in for all sorts of mess. Given the status quo and our family history, I'm certain I could get her back but it could take an emergency hearing, etc. and if he were to head home to CA with DD in tow then that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.
My thought was to at least get written confirmation of pick-up & return times from Dad. But is that likely to do me any good if he doesn't return her? I mean, that's obviously not enforceable, so is it worth the effort? And given that he's going to head out with DD post-mediation – if he leaves upset/angry and makes some stupid decision....oy vey. His “I can take my child away from you anytime I feel like it” threat hasn't surfaced in a while, but then again neither has he. It's possible I may have been lulled into complacency by 18 very quiet and peaceful months.
I can't completely prevent him from possibly doing something dumb, but is there a way to be prepared in the unlikely event he tries? How do I attempt covering my bases, at least?What is the name of your state?
Dad and I are in the middle of trying to negotiate a custody/visitation agreement for our daughter. Support order has been in place for years, but we do not have orders regarding custody/visitation. We've found a mediator, and both have had our preliminary individual meetings with her. Mine was in person, Dad's via telephone. Dad will be flying in from his residence in another state so that we can do the joint mediation session in person.
I had asked to do the in-person mediation in May, as I have planned to be out of town for a few weeks in June, and will be unavailable. The mediator called Friday to say that Dad was asking if we could push mediation back to June 7, due to his scheduling. We (DD and I) aren't leaving until the 8th, so although it's not my ideal timeline, it's workable.
Here's my issue – Dad and I had talked previously about him spending some time with DD when he was here in town. The two of them have not seen each other in 18 months. He's called twice in the last three months to tell her he was coming for a visit and then backed out less than 24 hours ahead. So she's been anticipating a possible Dad visit for a while. I do not want to keep her from her time with Dad. It might work really nicely, actually; Dad and I head to mediation in the a.m., after which he and DD can go and spend some time together. As long as she's home by the next afternoon with plenty of time to catch our flight, no problem.
However, while 90% of me is confident that this will likely be a no-hassle, Mom & Dad-are-on-our-best-behavior kind of visit...there's a slightly fearful 10% (bolstered, I might add, from lots of time spent perusing the often-entertaining archives of this very forum) that asks, What if he doesn't return her at the appointed time? Because with no custody/visitation orders, I might be in for all sorts of mess. Given the status quo and our family history, I'm certain I could get her back but it could take an emergency hearing, etc. and if he were to head home to CA with DD in tow then that's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.
My thought was to at least get written confirmation of pick-up & return times from Dad. But is that likely to do me any good if he doesn't return her? I mean, that's obviously not enforceable, so is it worth the effort? And given that he's going to head out with DD post-mediation – if he leaves upset/angry and makes some stupid decision....oy vey. His “I can take my child away from you anytime I feel like it” threat hasn't surfaced in a while, but then again neither has he. It's possible I may have been lulled into complacency by 18 very quiet and peaceful months.
I can't completely prevent him from possibly doing something dumb, but is there a way to be prepared in the unlikely event he tries? How do I attempt covering my bases, at least?What is the name of your state?
