visitation

[acuseddad]

What is the name of your state? Virginia
I have been separated since July of 2002. I haven't seen my son since then. He is 12 and will be 13 next month. My stbX has accused me of abuse and every time we got to court the tale is getting taller. what is the best method of proving that she is lieing or is there a way???
thanks

 

[DRN]

arrests and convictions

or the lack thereof

 

[acuseddad]

there have been no reports filed and only alligations against me.

 

[DRN]

You said "every time we go to court . . ."

What are you two going to court for and why isn't visitation being discussed?

If no visitation is being set because of her allegations, ask the judge to order her to produce evidence of the abuse in the form of legal documentation or video evidence, and if she cannot produce it, to establish visitation.

While most Family Court judges take abuse allegations seriously, most will not let allegations continue endlessly without anything further than allegations.

 

[acuseddad]

First it for the pendente lite then it was for her contempt of court. We went to court several times and it was continued. and of course the Gal was appointed. The reason for the comtempt was because she refused to bring our son to a counceling session that included me.

Oh and every time that her lawyer says he wants to bring her children from another marrage to testify the judge says no. He said yesterday that he can't determine anything if my son and I aren't in counceling together to fix our relationship. She had the counceler removed because he made some remarks about religion. and he was hostile to her. It is pretty involved and I do have a lawyer. but just trying to get more ideas.
thanks for the responses

 

[gramdma]

you have the right to see your child IF

you have the right to see your child if there aren`t any crimes in your past that would hurt the child. That would have to be proven in court. Also if you have a agreement that you are to see the child on such and such a time and she won`t allow it- she is in contempt of court. If this is the case then go to try to see them on days said in court order and when she refuses there is a form to file with the courts.
But try a few times and tell her she is in contempt. Also when you go and if you have the papers stating you have this right bring them with you and if she still says no then go get the police. He should inforce it and make a report about it --get the copy of the report. Very important as you will need it when you ,if you have to go to court.

 

[skyy]

I agree with the others.

If she continues to make false accusations, someone needs to confront her about them in court. Lies on you to keep you from your child will probably backfire on her and actually persuade the courts that the child would do better in your care because she is interfering with the opportunity to continue a relationship with your child.

Many lies are found out when one person calls CPS or some other social service organization to investigate (like reports of child abuse). When they discover it was a false alarm (lie), they close the case as unfounded.

 

[acuseddad]

Yea i know the problem is is that the judge ordered that the counceler is the one who will decide when and how much I get to see my son and when he dicided it was time she wouldn't allow it.... that is why I had her in court yesterday. the Judge and the Guardian were both very stern with her. The judge told her if she does this again that he will impose sanctions against her and that a change of custody isn't out of thet question.

 

[acuseddad]

thanks Sky I have been doing exactly that... I have been letting her make the accusations against me. and the lies keep getting bigger and more bizzar. The judge has not ordered me to any type of counceling ei, anger managment or anything like that. and his part of his order reads like this. That we will engage in family counceling to inprove the relationship betwenn father and said child.

 

[DRN]

While abuse does happen, too many times it is used as the easiest way to screw around with the spouse.

As you have seen, all you need is an accusation to throw a monkey wrench into the machinery.

 

[acuseddad]

yea that is true. but i believe that letting her continue to do these things is making my case stronger.... yea i did say that... I am a believer that the truth will come out. but having a plan certainly helps!!!

 

[karma1]

let me refer you to..

www.deltabravo.net
read everything on there--
post a message
sign on to chat


good luck.....

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

I can just about guess whats being said and how far it has gone. It started out as "he doesn't want to visit you...he said you're mean to him....you degrade him, belittle him...then specific words you were suppose to have said...no accusations of sexual abuse, yet.


Be prepared for a long hard road. Do whatever the judge orders. Don't trash talk the ex in court no matter how much you may want to. Don't fall to her level. Let her bury herself in her lies.

good luck.

 

[LilSty]

I have been going through this EXACT same thing for years. Looking for someone myself who has been through it to see if they were able to make any progress. Like your case, mine also involved ex going in and telling lie after lie to the point that the statements actually sounded totally rediculous. Here is the tuff part, the courts have done nothing. In fact, now I don't even get to see my kids. If you find someone who has been through this and successfully won their kids back, I would like to talk to them as well. Good Luck!!!!!!

 

[acuseddad]

You must be able to read minds!! lil miss smarty. Yea it has gotten that far. The amazing thing is is that I have been back seeing my other two kids. they live in FL. And the first X is in shock at all of the alligations. Thanks for the advice. I don't I don't even talk bad about her to others I only tell them what is going on and tell them what is happening. I even let friends read the charges and stuff. Oh and on the pendente lite stuff the only abuse she claims is that I called him stupid and hit him on the head... There have been no specific Abuse in legaleez done. So far the Judge seems to have an open mind... And if I were in his shoes I would do the same thing. error on the sid of the child.