Want to be part of Daughter's life.

[ikecvfd2]

What is the name of your state?TX

I was divorced in Texas. I now live in Utah, and my Ex still lives in Texas. I try to call my daughter often, but my ex-is conveniently either not home when I call, or my daughter is "sleeping" most of the time. My divorce decree doesn't specifically address phone calls, so I'm sure I am screwed where that is concerned. However, there is one issue that it does address. My ex rarely tells me what's going on with my daughter. When she decided to move my daughter from her crib to a toddler bed she didn't tell me til several weeks after (this was when I still lived close enought o see my daughter often.) Also during that same time period she started to try to potty train my daughter but never told me until a month later when she had decided to give up since it didn't work. Of course the reason it didn't work was because she didn't tell me so we couldn't keep things consistant when my daughter was with me. More recently I found out in passing that my daughter is in dance classes and gymnastics classes. It's not that I don't want her in those classes, but I feel that as her father I should at least be in on the decision making process. My ex hates that she has to even deal with me at all and has said on several occassions (even in taped conversations) that she would rather I give up custody and step out of the picture. (which there's no way in hell that will happen.) So here is what the decree says:

"IT IS ORDERED AND DECREED that at all times the petitioner and the respondentshall each retain the right;
a) to receive information from the other parent concerning the health, education , and welfare of the child; and
b) to confer with the other parent to the extent possible before making a decision concerning the health, educaiton, and welfare of the child"

Isn't she in violation of this by not talking to me first before putting her in these classes and by not telling me about the bed, and the potty training?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ok now you are just being petty. Would you like her to call you and tell you every time she goes potty? Or wait how about if she has a bad dream and crawls in the bed with the parent because that is different sleeping arrangments... What bed she sleeps in and if she is potty training does not pertain to to health, education or well being. Concentrate on the important things if you keep doing this you will ruin a relationship with your ex that you NEED to give your child a good upbringing. That is not contempt.

 

[king sol]

I agree! You seem to be creating your own worries. Dance class, moving to a toddler bed and attempted potty training are not "health", "education" or "welfare" issues.

Just out of curiousity.....could it be possible that "mom" doesn't like dealing with you because she knows these are the things that you will make issues of?

 

[ikecvfd2]

Ok now you are just being petty. Would you like her to call you and tell you every time she goes potty? Or wait how about if she has a bad dream and crawls in the bed with the parent because that is different sleeping arrangments... What bed she sleeps in and if she is potty training does not pertain to to health, education or well being. Concentrate on the important things if you keep doing this you will ruin a relationship with your ex that you NEED to give your child a good upbringing. That is not contempt.

You have the same problem my ex does which is taking things and making them sound extreme. Moving to a toddler bed and potty training are big steps in a childs life and I don't see how that is petty to want to be involved. Where did you read in my post that she has to call me about every little thing. I only want to be a part of the major events in my daughters life. That is the important thing, and since I get next to no information about my daughters life I don't believe I am being petty.

 

[ikecvfd2]

I agree! You seem to be creating your own worries. Dance class, moving to a toddler bed and attempted potty training are not "health", "education" or "welfare" issues.

Just out of curiousity.....could it be possible that "mom" doesn't like dealing with you because she knows these are the things that you will make issues of?

1) I can see how moving to the toddler isn't one of those 3 things, even though it is a big step and I would have wanted to know so I could have provided poitive feedback to my daughter. However, I'm not sure how you can say potty training isn't a health issue. And the reason I wanted to be involved was so I could help by keeping the training consistent when she was at my place instead of putting her in diapers the whole time since I was not told she was being potty trained.

2)Dance CLASS and gymnastics CLASS are education issues, and again I'm not saying she needs my permission but a simple, " I was thinking about putting her in dance class, what do you think?" Wouldn't kill her. I am still my daughters father. No one would question me if I was still married tomy ex and she went out and signed her up without talking to me about it.

3)"mom" doesn't like dealing with me because she wants to pretend like I don't exist and try to phase me out so she can pretend that she is a perfect little angel. (This was "mom's" second divorce, and her third marriage is on the rocks because of the same crap. Her current husband doesn't like the crap she is pulling on me, and has even told me he is thinking of leaving her.)

Again this is not just about the individual issues. It is about the fact that I am trying desperately to be a part of my daughters life, and my ex is doing her best to keep me out of it. I don't understand how people can jump on one guy for not wanting to be involved and then claim I'm being petty when I want to be involved.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Ok then legally my answer is still the same you have no LEGAL grounds for contempt and if you go to court and tell the judge that you are filing contempt based on what you have stated you are going to have one very annoyed judge. Is that better? Morally would it be nice if she told you well heck yes it would be. I know I inform my ex of all of those kinds of things but shoot I am one of those moms that brag to everyone about any little things my babies do. Legally though do I have to tell him no.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

and no those classes do not qualify. Try thinking school room classes.

 

[ikecvfd2]

Ok then legally my answer is still the same you have no LEGAL grounds for contempt and if you go to court and tell the judge that you are filing contempt based on what you have stated you are going to have one very annoyed judge. Is that better? Morally would it be nice if she told you well heck yes it would be. I know I inform my ex of all of those kinds of things but shoot I am one of those moms that brag to everyone about any little things my babies do. Legally though do I have to tell him no.

Thank you! That's all I wanted. I would have thought I would have gotten that kind of answer first with this being a legal advice and not a moral advice forum. But I have learned better than that by now.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Well now your quite welcome

 

[king sol]

Some advice which may not seem "legal", if considered, may help you avoid "legal" unwanted "legal" involvement where your child is an issue.

Your fathering is not an issue, it is a great thing that you want to be involved in your daughter's life!

It seems that you are more interested in making mom keep you in the mix than you are with what it means to be "part of your daughter's life".

It is easy to get all worked up during divorce and seperation, but your best bet in all aspects of child matters (including legal) is to always put the child's best interest first.

What harm has come to your child by you not be made aware of dance class, a failed potty training attemp and change of bed?

Nobody is saying mom is in the "right".

Legal advice.....stay out of family court at all costs. It only serves to tear down a relationship between the parents, which is not in the best interest of the child!