want to change last name

[patty200]

What is the name of your state? Kansas
I was married to my babys' father when she was born, he since hasn't had anything to do with her. We were divorced a month after she was born. We have joint shared custody and he hasn't seen her, hasn't paid child support, not a thing since she was born. I took my maiden name back when I was divorced, my baby girl has her fathers last name just because he put on a good show at the hospital long enough to make sure she had his name. I could go on and on about this *deadbeat* but to make a long story short, does anyone know in Kasas if I were to take it to court to have her name changed to mine, would I be wasting my time, or has this been done before? I am here to get some answers and help to my question, I have posted here before and got nothing but being bashed by others, so PLEASE unless you are to help me, don't reply. I hate to be blunt and I am not trying to sound rude, but I am here for my babys' sake, I just want some answers. Thanks!

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

If what you are saying is true then why would you want to take away the one thing that your child has of her fathers....his name? A name is important to a child and no matter how little they may have of their father at times (Due to his mental health sometimes he is extremely involved and other times he is not around) they love knowing they have daddies name. That is one thing noone can take away from them. Now I ask again how is this in your childs best interest? Oh and from a legal point of view its just not going to happen so I wouldnt even try if I were you.

 

[JETX]

I took my maiden name back when I was divorced, my baby girl has her fathers last name just because he put on a good show at the hospital long enough to make sure she had his name.

And of course, that is NOT true. You seem to be forgetting that as her biological father (if that is the case) he has the exact same LEGAL rights as you do... no matter your current personal feelings about him. Unless you get his permission or a court order, you can't really do ANYTHING with HIS child.

I could go on and on about this *deadbeat* but to make a long story short, does anyone know in Kasas if I were to take it to court to have her name changed to mine, would I be wasting my time, or has this been done before?

First and foremost.... have you gotten his permission to change the childs last name?? Has he signed a 'abandonment of paternity' statement??
Without either of those two processes, you can't do anything.

 

[patty200]

he has the exact same LEGAL rights as you do...

Yes he is the biological father, but if HE wouldn't have been there at the hospital, YES I could of given her my maiden name.

with HIS child.

Yes, his child... because of his sperm, that's it. He isn't a father until he acts like one. Thanks!

First and foremost.... have you gotten his permission to change the childs last name?? Has he signed a 'abandonment of paternity' statement??
Without either of those two processes, you can't do anything.

As far as getting his permision, when and if I decide to do this I won't be calling him up and asking him squat, he will be getting served court papers. He doesn't have the curtousy to call and see how his child is and hasn't since he left, it has been over a year, and I will not go out of my way to cater to him what so ever.

 

[patty200]

If what you are saying is true then why would you want to take away the one thing that your child has of her fathers....his name? A name is important to a child and no matter how little they may have of their father at times (Due to his mental health sometimes he is extremely involved and other times he is not around) they love knowing they have daddies name. That is one thing noone can take away from them. Now I ask again how is this in your childs best interest? Oh and from a legal point of view its just not going to happen so I wouldnt even try if I were you.

well I guess if I try and the judge says no, that's all that I can do, but at least I am trying to do somthing with my child, HE hasn't done squat since she was born. Why should a child have a name of someone that doesn't want anything to do with her?? YOU answer me that...... I have talked to a lawyer about this, but not recently, so I don't see how you say, *its not going to happen*

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

I have answered you on that. You state that he hasn't done anything for his child that all that child has is his last name correct? So why are you going to try and take away the one thing that child has of their father? Tell me HOW IS THIS IN THE CHILDS BEST INTEREST? It's not! It is just your pain and anger talking. While that is understandable it simply has nothing realistically to do with your child who is to young to know. It has everything to do with you. Plain and simple. Oh and go ahead and take it to court and when you do then come back here and tell us what happens. I love being able to say I told you so lol

 

[LdiJ]

well I guess if I try and the judge says no, that's all that I can do, but at least I am trying to do somthing with my child, HE hasn't done squat since she was born. Why should a child have a name of someone that doesn't want anything to do with her?? YOU answer me that...... I have talked to a lawyer about this, but not recently, so I don't see how you say, *its not going to happen*

Its not going to happen because you need either the father's permission, or a court order. The odds of the judge changing her last name is not strong at all.

If he continues to abandon the child...and if you marry a few years down the road and your husband wishes to adopt her....at that point you might be able to terminate his parental rights for abandonment.

 

[patty200]

....at that point you might be able to terminate his parental rights for abandonment.

All I have to do is wait two years of little to no contact and little to no child support I can have his rights terminated. I have talked to a lawyer on that matter already, I am not here to talk about that.... like I stated in my first post, I AM HERE FOR SOME ADVICE OR HELP, TELL ME WHAT I ASKED OR DON'T ASNWER! being rude is the only way to get anything done around here, so I will be rude right with you.

 

[stealth2]

Your two choices are to get him to agree to the name change or to get a judge to order it. That's it. And you've been told this several times already, so I'm not really sure why it's difficult to understand.

 

[VeronicaGia]

All I have to do is wait two years of little to no contact and little to no child support I can have his rights terminated. I have talked to a lawyer on that matter already, I am not here to talk about that.... like I stated in my first post, I AM HERE FOR SOME ADVICE OR HELP, TELL ME WHAT I ASKED OR DON'T ASNWER! being rude is the only way to get anything done around here, so I will be rude right with you.

Do you have a court order for child support? Does he have a court order for some level of custody or visitation?

 

[casa]

All I have to do is wait two years of little to no contact and little to no child support I can have his rights terminated. I have talked to a lawyer on that matter already, I am not here to talk about that.... like I stated in my first post, I AM HERE FOR SOME ADVICE OR HELP, TELL ME WHAT I ASKED OR DON'T ASNWER! being rude is the only way to get anything done around here, so I will be rude right with you.

Child support is considered contact. Visitation is a Right, not an obligation- It's up to the father if he wishes to exercise that right.

You say you want to know about changing her name, then when you get answers, you scream that aren't here to talk about that. Which is it?

Your child is young yet, the father may still decide to come around at some point and be a part of the child's life. You may be making a hasty decision based on your own upset that he hasn't visited or paid support consistently enough for your tastes. I am not saying a father should abandon their responsibilities to their child~ But I had a situation where my child's father was out of the picture for a number of years. He did finally come to his senses and after some therapy and cooperation, they have a good relationship today. I can't imagine not considering that or allowing that. After all is said and done, the few years he was MIA and not paying support, do not outweigh the benefits she gets from having a father in her life today.

BTW~ You just bit the head off of one of the most courteous posters on this forum You don't need to take your anger and resentment out on us~ We aren't the loser you had a baby with.

 

[shari36]

re-name change

It can be done without taking the fathers name off the bc.You have to have your maiden name added on the bc.Example- childs full name(sara ann Jones/mothers maiden name).Make sense?Then you can legally use either last name because they are both on the bc.. I had my sons done this way when he was born.. His father has been absent for nine yrs and is just comming around now..This way like the others said it may be important to the child later in life to have the bio last name.. My son 9yrs wants the same name as me at this point..I understand the school age cruelty of why dont you have the same name as your mom,brother ect....Been there. Just kids being curious,but it can be hurtful to the child..
Hope this helps
Shari

 

[TNbabecls]

I have to tell you it really is not all that hard..I had my sons named changed to my maid after we divorced and I just waited about 4-5 years ..with no contact from him and No help of any kind on his part , it was very easy..And I have to say we were much happier the rest of our lives without his name hanging on for ever.. AND WE WERE ALL ONE NAME..I married again after 12 years and kept my name and when my sons were all grown changed my name to my husband's and about 1 year later that is what the boys did for the man who really raised them ..The got together and ask if they could take his name as he was their real father THEY WERE ALL OVER 20 AT THE TIME...Even my EX's sister came to the party and to this day we are all friends..By the way just as a foot note my Ex did try to see the boys when they were grown and he would not have to pay suport Now wouldn't you want his name ...But they wanted nothing to do with him... And yes it was much better for us all to have the same name and not have all that past hanging over our lives....

 

[patty200]

BTW~ You just bit the head off of one of the most courteous posters on this forum You don't need to take your anger and resentment out on us~ We aren't the loser you had a baby with.

I may have bit the head off whome ever, BUT I am trying to do what is best for my daughter, why the heck should she have her fathers name, when he isn't even in the picture, and obviously doesn't give a care about her either..... anyways, it has been some time since I posted and he STILL hasn't had anything to do with her, child support, calling....nothing. So YES one way or another I will change her name....so thanks for everyones *opinion*, and as far as biting someones' head off, I think these forums are here for a reason, and I don't think the reasons are to put others down.... thanks and best wishes to all!!

 

[patty200]

Hey Shari!!!

It can be done without taking the fathers name off the bc.You have to have your maiden name added on the bc.Example- childs full name(sara ann Jones/mothers maiden name).Make sense?Then you can legally use either last name because they are both on the bc.. I had my sons done this way when he was born..
Shari

HEY, can you reply to this post again Shari and let me know if you get this message....I really really need to talk to you directly if you don't mind.....if you reply to this post, I will give you an email where we can chat privatly, I would apreciate it!!! Thanks a bunch!!