What are my options?

[seeingheragain]

What is the name of your state? Upstate New York

Hello everyone. I am a29 year old man with one girl, she is 2. My wife and I were married in a different state and that is where she was born. We moved to New York b/c I thought I would be happy here, and have more income. But after a year that has not happened. We are just as broke, and our marriage is failing. I have been verbally abusive to her and a little physcial with her. Never to my little girl though. My wife has other children, and I have been verberally wrong to them, which is why my wife is leaving me now. I know she has little money, but has a family who can probally help her. I got papers saying she filed for full custody in family court, may 11 I don't think I will go to that. I hate her for trying to move away. She has been offered a job out there and her other children want to be close to their father so she wants to leave. I just want my little girl. Can I make them stay here? I won't have money for any good attorney. Past history of me includes, several domestic calls to our house, once I was arrested for a bench warrant for a DUI I never paid. I have that DUI arrest 2 years ago, I do drink alot and was told by counseler to go to AA but never have gone. I also have drug possession on my record years ago. She has never been in much trouble, she's a goody to shoes really. But I dont want to move, I like to hang out with my friends here, we play poker, and I think the schools here teach kids better then any other state. So what can I do to make her stay, she will never leave any of her kids I know that. So if her other kids want to live w/ their dad she will def. move to be with them there, but I will not let her take my daughter. That would be funny huh...make her choose?

 

[BL]

What is the name of your state? Upstate New York

Hello everyone. I am a29 year old man with one girl, she is 2. My wife and I were married in a different state and that is where she was born. We moved to New York b/c I thought I would be happy here, and have more income. But after a year that has not happened. We are just as broke, and our marriage is failing. I have been verbally abusive to her and a little physcial with her. Never to my little girl though. My wife has other children, and I have been verberally wrong to them, which is why my wife is leaving me now. I know she has little money, but has a family who can probally help her. I got papers saying she filed for full custody in family court, may 11 I don't think I will go to that. I hate her for trying to move away. She has been offered a job out there and her other children want to be close to their father so she wants to leave. I just want my little girl. Can I make them stay here? I won't have money for any good attorney. Past history of me includes, several domestic calls to our house, once I was arrested for a bench warrant for a DUI I never paid. I have that DUI arrest 2 years ago, I do drink alot and was told by counseler to go to AA but never have gone. I also have drug possession on my record years ago. She has never been in much trouble, she's a goody to shoes really. But I dont want to move, I like to hang out with my friends here, we play poker, and I think the schools here teach kids better then any other state. So what can I do to make her stay, she will never leave any of her kids I know that. So if her other kids want to live w/ their dad she will def. move to be with them there, but I will not let her take my daughter. That would be funny huh...make her choose?

Excuse Me and I'm going to be Blunt about this .
I will also give you some good advice .

First the Blunt part .
YOU DO NOT CONTROL . YOU HAVE NO CONTROL . QUIT TRYING TO CONTROL > You have demonstrated by your alcohol/ and whatever substances , your verbal and physical ABUSE to CONTROL . You have none .
That goes agaist YOU.

Now the Advice :

You say you don't think you will be in Court May 11 , then you say you want your girl .

Show up in Court .
In NY if you can not afford an attorney ask the Court to appoint you one .
Definitely ask to be appointed an Attorney . You will be screened to see if you qualify . If you do good . If not the Court will give you time to hire one . or If you can't afford one still , you'll just have to do your best .

There are attorney's firms that charge sliding scale fees depending on your income .

Don't go into Court with that Control Attitude , you'll be eaten alive by the Judge.

If you have any remorse of the Verbal & Physical Abuse show it .

Tell the Judge you appose the Move and want to be a part of your child's Life , and have a Loving and caring relationship .

Get into an out patient treatment program , before the Court Date , or at Least have an Appointment Date set up .
Do not miss any appointments . Quit Drinking .

If your daughter means so much to you do what ever you have to to make it be.

You may have to start out with supervised visits then gradually be granted more .
The Judge has the Control ....

It would be worth it Huh ?

You should request Joint Custody with a NO Move Away Order in the Orders . That will protect your rights .

Neither of you would be permitted to remove the children from the State Of NY w/o the others' written permission , except for holidays .

Good Luck ....

 

[seeingheragain]

I dont think I should go to court when SHE wants me to. I mean I should have a say in that. She filed these papers she should deal with it all, right?
I dont have remorse for anything I've ever done. I would do it again, I'm a person who may make mistakes but they make me who I am. Now, she has pictures of holes in the walls I punched, and she has pictures of things I've broken in rage. And I know she's keeping a diary of things I say to her and her boys somewhere but I can't find it. If I do I will burn it. Will she use that in court. I am vergally abusive to her and her boys at times. I know the oldest son has emotional issues already.

 

[brisgirl825]

You're an effin' loser. I hope she takes you to the cleaners. How dare you treat innocent children that way and say you don't feel sorry about it.

Sarah

 

[stealth2]

I'll be more blunt. You're an a$$hole.

Don't go to court. Then she will get what she is asking for and be able to build a decent life for herself and the kids, and hopefully find someone who treats all of them better than you have any interest in doing.

With all of your issues, expect that she will ask for supervised visitation for you. Also expect that she will be awarded it.

 

[seeingheragain]

Don't get me wrong I dont want to treat them bad I just can't help it. They annoy me alot.
They are 9-4.

Will the diary or pictures hurt me? Should I tear this house apart to find them? Or I thought it is hear say and won't work.

 

[fanofjets2002]

Just take what alot of these people say in hear with a grain of salt, alot people in hear (look at the number of posts) have a personal vendette's against the penis. If someone has the time to be that negitive then they need to get a life . Its the antonimity of the internet that ables ass#$%^ to flourish!

 

[ENASNI]

holy moly and his cousin crimoly

Just get ahold of yourself... let her go and let her get a life. She cares for her children and wants to do RIGHT!

You get ahold of your life... You can get your crap together and get with your daughter when you can get it together.

Man... I pity your ex-wife and your daughter... I can see you love your daughter, but the way your life and mind are right now, you can only do damage.

(other regular posters. I see a msdad in the works)

DUDE! quit drinking and gambling... get your priorities straight or let her go until you can!

Sheesh.. you can see it .. I know you can... You posted here... Look at it!

 

[kat1963]

This is a joke right? You just want to get us going, want us to fight, want us to post responses to your cr@p....unless you really ARE that totally freaking stupid... then IF SO, heck, you can't afford a lawyer, aren't showing up to court. .that's probably a good thing. Keep doing what you are doing man.
KAT

 

[seeingheragain]

No this isn't a joke, why would I do that? Here are my concerns: I love my daughter, she's only 2. She needs me. My wife isn't an ex yet. But, she wants to move where her family is, I don't want to . I know she has hated it here since we moved and her kids hate it here too. But this is where I'm from, and I refuse to leave.
So as I understand it, if I refuse to leave and she wants to move the court can keep her from taking my daughter?

So what I drink and play poker? And so what I punch holes in the walls, what man don't?

 

[Rushia]

No this isn't a joke, why would I do that? Here are my concerns: I love my daughter, she's only 2. She needs me. My wife isn't an ex yet. But, she wants to move where her family is, I don't want to . I know she has hated it here since we moved and her kids hate it here too. But this is where I'm from, and I refuse to leave.
So as I understand it, if I refuse to leave and she wants to move the court can keep her from taking my daughter?

So what I drink and play poker? And so what I punch holes in the walls, what man don't?

As you have already been told the correct advice from NY. You have to show in court or she could be awarded what she is asking. You can apply for a court appointed attorney. You need to quit drinking and quit with the attitude or you will most likely have only supervised visitations.

REAL men do not need to punch holes in the walls.

Mom, this is definately another msdad!!!!!

 

[seeingheragain]

Let me ask this, first court date may 11...what do I need to bring?

 

[stealth2]

Don't get me wrong I dont want to treat them bad I just can't help it. They annoy me alot.
They are 9-4.

Bull. An adult is able to control him/herself. If you have a problem - seek help. But don't pull this "I can't help it" crap. You can - you just don't care to. Most men don't punch holes in walls. Most men are not arrested for hitting their wives/girlfriends/kids. Most men are able to get through the day without saying crap to make kids feel like sh*t.

What to bring to your first court date? Bring a lawyer - you're going to need one.

As for fanofjets2002 loser. Most people couldn't give a sh*t what genitals a person has - but if you're abusing kids in any way, they're gonna have a problem with it. Do you think it's cool to punch holes in walls and beat up your wife, too? Idiot.

 

[brisgirl825]

Don't get me wrong I dont want to treat them bad I just can't help it. They annoy me alot.
They are 9-4.

Will the diary or pictures hurt me? Should I tear this house apart to find them? Or I thought it is hear say and won't work.

What's gonna happen when your daughter is that age? Are you going to abuse her too? Or is she good enough not to feel your wrath b/c she's your blood?

I just don't understand why you got involved with a woman with children and had your own if you have such a bad temper. You're the typical step-parent that abuses your spouse's kids but never your own. Children never deserve to be treated that way. Fortunately the oldest is 9 and will be able to tell the courts about it.

Sarah

 

[seeingheragain]

I didn't get arrested for hitting her. I said the cops were called but I didn't hit her when they were called. The couple times I (I didn't hit her) I spat in her face once, and she called b/c I said I was going to hit her. And once I grabbed her neck and once I threw something and made her lips bleed. But I'm going to say she fell and hurt herself.

My daughter won't be such pansies like her kids are. They dont play sports, they are too attached to their mom, it's sickening. And they are just crybabies. My girl won't be like that b/c I don want her raising her. Which is why I am seeking advice!! I haven't hit her kids, she thinks I'm verbally abusive alot to them, and I am man enough to admit at times I have been. But she won't let me teach them how to be a man. My kid won't be like that.

I dont think I will need a lawyer, she doesn't have one. She's been the stay at home mom for awhile w/ all 3 kids and so she has no money I know and I have only given her $20 for grocery money this week alone. So I make sure she can't get any money. And her parents don't have much and I dont think they can help her out either. I know I can get a court appointed lawyer, but what are her real chances.

We all know that when we get to court the only kid who matters in this case is my daughter, the other 2 aren't mine and aren't involved in this case. I am an active parent to her, and I love her and she loves me. I stayed home with her for awhile when she was little while my wife was doing her "nursing" job, but I talked her into leaving so I could work. and now I am happy b/c I can controll the money I make b/c I get paid cash under the table. So when the judge hears from her she wants to move 3 states away to live with her parents, or get "emotional support" as she told me for her and her kids, and I cry aboutlosing my girl, the judge won't let her leave. Well she can leave but not w/ my girl. I am thinking that is the law. And several of you same people say this all the time to others in here. That the judge don't like to let people move w/ the kids and take them from the father, that they will have a fight on their hands. But w/ me it's different????