What can we do next??

[Sandwalk]

What is the name of your state?IOwa
I really don't know where to begin!! My husband and I have the worst trouble with his ex-wife! She has done everything in her power to be a real pain in the a**! First of all.....my husband pays child support every month and is totally paid up to date on that. He has insurance on his son (who is 14) and pays half of all medical and dental bills,etc. Yet, that is never enough. There is not one more thing that my husband would have to pay for and she hounds him for money continuously!! We always pay for things immediately and until she actually receives the check in the mail(she lives in Minnesota we in Iowa) she calls here non-stop. We owed her for a medical bill and we sent it off 2 days after we got the bill from her and she called here a day after that 35 times in a row (while we were gone) to see where the money is. My husband pays a good amount for child support and she makes more money than he does. What kind of person calls that many times in a row? What can we do about this sort of behavior? She is in trouble with our insurance company right now because they made a check out to my husband but accidently sent it to her address. She forged mt husbands signature and cashed it and kept the money! The orthodontist and the insurance company called us and wondered what we did with the money...after some searching we found out what she had done and now she owes our insurance company $500 to replace the check. I could go on and on...this is just a little of what she has done! I guess I am just wondering what we can do to keep her from doing this sort of thing.....on top of everything she denies us seeing his son. We are lucky to see him 3-4 times a year. The divorce papers say that my husband is suppose to have him every other weekend. We are at our wits end!!

 

[MominNJ]

re

You are describing harrassment, forgery,theft all which are illegal. Also, she is denying visitation. The only thing I can recommend is that dad take her back to court. As far as the visitation, she is in contempt. bringing her to court to make her answer why, just might be the remedy.
Also, a good way to stop the harrassment, would be to beef up the court order. Have all the money go through a third party, like your attorney if you have one. Or have her mail the billing statements and have it so she gets reimbursed once a month or every three months.. whatever seems reasonable.
That's great that dad supports the kid over and above the court ordered amount of support. He's a rare breed. But it's not necessary and she is obviously taking advantage of him.
Also, she needs to be court ordered to return the money that she stole. In lieu of a criminal proceeding, I'm confident that a family court Judge would see that she reimburse dad for that.
hopefully a day in court calling her on her BS will make her knock it off.

 

[Sandwalk]

Thank you!!

Thank you so much for replying to my question!! That sounds like something that we should do....it has been a total nightmare what she has been doing to us and she really needs to stop!!
Thanks so much again.....We really needed this advice!

 

[Jillian483]

reply

I am in the same situation as you and I am sad to say that you might only have one option here. First you need to call your phone company and see if there is anyway that they can record incoming calls so that you have a record of every time that she calls. If they can't do this then subpoena her phone records. 2) file an injunction against harassment immediatly!!!! 3) You need to keep a detailed record of everything that she does to you. It is very important to write the good things along with the bad. Go and buy a spiral with folders. Keep everything that you have (phone records, bills, travel receipts, and anything else that might be important) Make sure you document every time that she calls and if possible the exact message that she leaves on the answering machine (anything she says on an answering machine can be submitted in court because she knew that she was being recorded. My suggestion is to buy a recorder to take the stress off of your machine) 4) Every and any thing that you send her needs to be sent certified mail. This meant that she will have to sign fo rit before she can get it. you will get a receipt back from the post office within a few days after she receives it with her signiture. 5) Get a statement from the insurance company and if possible a copy of the check that she forged. Once you have a decent amount of records added up then take her back to court. It sucks but it is really the only thing you can do to get it to stop.

 

[Sandwalk]

Thanks so much for this advice!

I could actually write a book about all the things that she has done!! She has totally gotten out of control!!
The only way that you can actually record her legally is on an answer machine? Legally you can not tape her conversation with a tape recorder? It would be very nice if we could because that would be the only proof that we would need to get her to stop....she can't control herself at all!! I will take your advice about doing all the things you told us to do....this has got to end!
Thank you so much again!

 

[nextwife]

Get caller ID and let her calls go to the answering machine. That is a legal way to have her consent to taping the calls. When one "speaks after the beep" they are speaking already informed the call is being taped.

 

[Sandwalk]

Sounds like a plan!

I also have another question. As stated in my earlier post.....the ex got a check from our insurance company and forged my husbands name,cashed the check and kept the money...etc. The insurance company stated that we should go to the courthouse and file papers on this fraud. What do we have to do this and how long do we have to file. Is there a time period that we have to do this in? The insurance company just started the fraud against her in jan. 2005. That is when we found out about all this. But the check was actually made out to my husband in jan of 2004.
Thank you for all your help!

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?IOwa
I really don't know where to begin!! My husband and I have the worst trouble with his ex-wife! She has done everything in her power to be a real pain in the a**! First of all.....my husband pays child support every month and is totally paid up to date on that. He has insurance on his son (who is 14) and pays half of all medical and dental bills,etc. Yet, that is never enough. There is not one more thing that my husband would have to pay for and she hounds him for money continuously!! We always pay for things immediately and until she actually receives the check in the mail(she lives in Minnesota we in Iowa) she calls here non-stop. We owed her for a medical bill and we sent it off 2 days after we got the bill from her and she called here a day after that 35 times in a row (while we were gone) to see where the money is. My husband pays a good amount for child support and she makes more money than he does. What kind of person calls that many times in a row? What can we do about this sort of behavior? She is in trouble with our insurance company right now because they made a check out to my husband but accidently sent it to her address. She forged mt husbands signature and cashed it and kept the money! The orthodontist and the insurance company called us and wondered what we did with the money...after some searching we found out what she had done and now she owes our insurance company $500 to replace the check. I could go on and on...this is just a little of what she has done! I guess I am just wondering what we can do to keep her from doing this sort of thing.....on top of everything she denies us seeing his son. We are lucky to see him 3-4 times a year. The divorce papers say that my husband is suppose to have him every other weekend. We are at our wits end!!

If the court order says he has his son every other weekend- then follow the directions for drop off/pick up on those times. If she denies visitation, contact law enforcement and file a report (EVERY SINGLE TIME it happens) Then take those to court to file contempt. Initially the judge will likely just warn her...after that the consequences can be anything from fines, jail time to loss of custody. You have to be consistent. She will either begin to cooperate or risk her standing with custody.

Re; the check. Ask the insurance company to give you a letter re; them sending the check to your husband (note what date and address it was sent to etc.) file a police report just like you would if anyone else took and cashed a check of yours. Supply the officer with any contact people and phone numbers of those you've spoken with at the insurance company.

Re; phone calls. Stop answering the phone. Use your answering machine to screen your calls...just as nextwife said, if she leaves a message after the beep- she's consented to the call being recorded. If any of these messages are harrassing, file a report of harrassment. You can check guidelines of what constitutes harrassment via your state online.

 

[Sandwalk]

Re; phone calls. Stop answering the phone. Use your answering machine to screen your calls...just as nextwife said, if she leaves a message after the beep- she's consented to the call being recorded. If any of these messages are harrassing, file a report of harrassment. You can check guidelines of what constitutes harrassment via your state online.

We never answer the phone anymore....but, the worst part is that she continues calling and calling, dialing both her home phone and her cell phone over and over sometimes as often as 30 times in a row!! It absolutely drives us crazy an finally now when she starts that we just put the phone off the hook. In this many calls she leaves 1 voicemail. I have to believe that she had lost her marbles!!
I should call our phone company and ask if they have records of this.
Thanks so much for the info....We have never had to deal with anything like this before!!

 

[casa]

Re; phone calls. Stop answering the phone. Use your answering machine to screen your calls...just as nextwife said, if she leaves a message after the beep- she's consented to the call being recorded. If any of these messages are harrassing, file a report of harrassment. You can check guidelines of what constitutes harrassment via your state online.

We never answer the phone anymore....but, the worst part is that she continues calling and calling, dialing both her home phone and her cell phone over and over sometimes as often as 30 times in a row!! It absolutely drives us crazy an finally now when she starts that we just put the phone off the hook. In this many calls she leaves 1 voicemail. I have to believe that she had lost her marbles!!
I should call our phone company and ask if they have records of this.
Thanks so much for the info....We have never had to deal with anything like this before!!

His cellphone will register incoming calls, and your ans. machine will log the others.

 

[Sandwalk]

Exactly!!

 

[Jillian483]

I could actually write a book about all the things that she has done!! She has totally gotten out of control!!
The only way that you can actually record her legally is on an answer machine? Legally you can not tape her conversation with a tape recorder? It would be very nice if we could because that would be the only proof that we would need to get her to stop....she can't control herself at all!! I will take your advice about doing all the things you told us to do....this has got to end!
Thank you so much again!

You CAN record the phone conversations buy simply turning on the recorded and say "Jill this is just to inform you that we will be recording this conversation". You have to tell her this every time you have a conversation with her. You can also video record her if it is in a public place. Your house and her house generally are not public. As long as the party knows that they are being recorded then it is compleatly legal.

 

[Jillian483]

check with a lawyer

I also have another question. As stated in my earlier post.....the ex got a check from our insurance company and forged my husbands name,cashed the check and kept the money...etc. The insurance company stated that we should go to the courthouse and file papers on this fraud. What do we have to do this and how long do we have to file. Is there a time period that we have to do this in? The insurance company just started the fraud against her in jan. 2005. That is when we found out about all this. But the check was actually made out to my husband in jan of 2004.
Thank you for all your help!

You would have to check with a lawyer on this one. A lot of states have different statue of limitations in reguards to when you can file for fraud. It doesn't seem like it would be too late but I would not wait much longer. you are going to need a copy of that check and ask the courts to subpoena her bank records (the one che cashed the check at) to show proof that she did it. If she did in fact cash the check then she had to show proof of ID. If you cannot afford a lawyer there are a lot of free legal services at the courthouse. Just don't be afraid to ask.

 

[Jillian483]

reply to phone stuff

"I should call our phone company and ask if they have records of this."

Chances are that your phone company does not record incoming calls just outgoing (Most don't). You could subpoena her records though.

 

[Silverplum]

You CAN record the phone conversations buy simply turning on the recorded and say "Jill this is just to inform you that we will be recording this conversation". You have to tell her this every time you have a conversation with her. You can also video record her if it is in a public place. Your house and her house generally are not public. As long as the party knows that they are being recorded then it is compleatly legal.

Sheesh, Jillian483, you are just HOT with the WRONG advice today! Wouldn't you feel badly if someone took your crappy, thoughtless advice and went off and lost their FAMILY???

SOME states (twelve of them) have laws regarding two-party consent, meaning, BOTH parties must consent to recording. SOME OTHER states have one-party consent, meaning, only one participant must consent (that would be the taper). And taping the KIDS is just about never admissable, that I've read.

Unlike you, Jillian, I have citations for what I'm typing. Facts: try them sometime.

http://www.lexisnexis.com/infopro/zimmerman/disp.aspx?z=1987
http://www.callcorder.com/phone-recording-law-america.htm
http://www.rcfp.org/taping/states.html
http://www.aapsonline.org/judicial/telephone.htm