What do I do now?

[Ohiogal]

I don't think you have answered this ... was Dad *ordered* to do anything with regard to the DHR call he made to report you for abusing your son? Or were you the only adult ordered to do something for this case?

If it was ordered, there should be a court ORDER adopting the DHR plan as an order of the court. If not then it is just a suggestion.

 

[Ohiogal]

In Alabama, it's legal to spank your children, and it's addressed by state statute:
"Title 13A CRIMINAL CODE
Chapter 3 DEFENSES
Article 2 Justification and Excuse
Section 13A-3-24
Use of force by persons with parental, custodial or special responsibilities.
The use of force upon another person is justified under any of the following circumstances:
(1) A parent, guardian or other person responsible for the care and supervision of a minor or an incompetent person, and a teacher or other person responsible for the care and supervision of a minor for a special purpose, may use reasonable and appropriate physical force upon the minor or incompetent person when and to the extent that he reasonably believes it necessary and appropriate to maintain discipline or to promote the welfare of the minor or incompetent person."
(Acts 1977, No. 607, p. 812, §615.)
Section 13A-3-24

I don't have a problem with the legality of what she did. The issue is she states she cannot force her child to do anything physically because he is bigger than she is and yet she can spank him. Was the child just sitting there allowing her to hit him? If so apparently she can "force him" to do things. There is a disconnect here and mom needs to realize that. Quite frankly what is she going to do when her son fights back and refuses to allow her to spank him since she can't force him to do anything?

 

[passionatemom10]

Technically is the key word. You should have had a 30 days eval BEFORE DHR closed the case. That would mean you would have a new ISP and an updated case plan. Then they are required to send all "team members" a copy of the revised ISP within 10 days AFTER the meeting. Please go read the policy for ISP I gave you and you might have to stay on top of DHR to get them to do as though they are suppose too. If it is CLOSED do you have a copy of the CLOSING ISP? Which I do no think they would close the case until Dad finishes his items. (I could be wrong on this one)

A worker did come back out to my house for a final visit. I was told that I would get a letter but I have not gotten it yet. I guess I need to go down there. I will read that policy as soon as I get a chance and greatly appreciate you letting me know about it. I really need to get down there and find out what is going on.

 

[passionatemom10]

This is complex...which makes it harder for the judge, I will frame things as I see them.

One...you really want dad to not have any visitation until he completes his counseling as (?) basically CPS recommended. MY understanding, which may be faulty, is he can or not do that...although I would assume a judge seeing that he has refused the counseling would wonder why/and or order it.

The deal is, with father petitioning the court...the court may revamp the past legal order and order a new one, based on what they see fit according to documentation and your representation. The point being, don't be too attached to the past status quo of you having sole legal over his visitation...even if the cps ordered counseling prior to visitation. A judge, based on fathers' testimony, or sincerity, or based on their mood, could order something different.

I am confused when you say father petitioned the court in August....where is the court date attached to the order? There should be a court date. If you do file a response, it needs to follow the legal guidelines for your state to be submitted before a certain period of time.

It sounds like your main case is dad not doing the counseling recommended, and your accusation he kidnapped child. I still dont quite get that...I understand your anquish.

I would focus on how and why dad did take the child from school and request repercussions should he do that again. Visitation guidelines need to be clear between both of you. If he violates the visitation order, then you can take him to court for contempt. But I would focus on appropriate visitation guidelines for both of you with child...and a specific request to the judge for sanctions should father ever scare you like that again.

One thing to get clear on, child support is separate...so far as I know anyway, in every state, from child custody issues. Given that fact...leave out any child support issues. Also leave out things like the past 11 years...while many may commiserate with you, a judge will not. You need to propose your case in the current present tense...that is what a judge will do...I would not talk beyond 2 years ago and only if applicable to your childs best interest RIGHT NOW.

Dad can bribe son...that will happen about anywhere...don't bring that up. You can spank the child...if brought up, what have you learned? It sounds like child is put in the middle...that means give the child some leway...if you are not concerned father is a day to day threat to child...then offer reasonable visitation to dad...otherwise the judge will order something you probably will not like.

I differ slightly on one recommendation here...I WOULD go ahead and file a response that is more lenient to the father child relationship. Awknowledge the importance of the relationship of BOTH parents to the son. Offer a reasonable schedule that you and son can live with that is not too disruptive from previous schedule.

AND, keep consistant on your requests being based on your need that father will complete the counseling by a certain date (court ordered), and that hallmarks are in place so that there are no "suprises" from dad.

It will go way farther in court...if the judge see's your change of heart and willingness he/she may be more willing to order some boundries for dad. I know its not what you want to hear, but the judge rules...and your prior legal status is exceptional...you dont have enough proof that dad should not be a viable part of childs life at this point.

If you do write another paper, focus on facts as to visitation that WORKED prior to the alleged 'kidnapping', and what worked afterwards...regarding your SON...no one else. The judge will hear that better than anything.

WOW! What an eye opener. Great advice and such a wake up call. I guess I have been to worried about the past and how it effects the future.

I really do just want the best for my child. I honestly felt like this is what has gotten me in this whole mess in the first place. I am just tired of things going good for a while and his dad acting like he has changed only six months later he quits his job and moves away without telling anyone. Then I have to explain to my child that his dad is gone once again.

When he moved back to town this last time I made arrangements for my son to see his dad pretty much anytime he wanted. Everything was going very well until his wife left him and now it is like he is taking it out on me. The whole situation just makes me crazy.

I honestly don't want dad to have any visitation until he completes his counseling. He constantly puts me down in front of my son and talks about how horrible I am. Some of the same things he used to do to me when we were married but I won't get into that. He really does need some help and I am not trying to just be witchy. Things have actually escalated in the last week.

I have actually offered him standard visitation. I am confused now about his behavior. One minute he is all nice and sweet and the next he is cussing me again. It really brings up old memories of when we were married. It is very scary.

My ex filed a petition to modify custody back in August. I was given 30 days from receipt to file an answer. I did that along with a countersuit. In the request he asked that the judge schedule a hearing. It was filed in the circuit court but I have not heard back from the courts as to an actual court date. Right now just back and forth with filing papers.

I do know that child support is a separate issue. I did file it in my answer/response as a countersuit. I guess you are saying I shouldn't have done this? I figured since we were already going to be in court why not just go ahead and throw everything in at one time.

The reason he wants custody of my son is simply to hurt me because he just got hurt. Honestly it has NOTHING to do with actually wanting my child. He really could care less. I know you may or may not believe it but it is the truth. Honestly when he is not on a drinking binge he is actually a decent father. Other than the fact that he thinks buying my so expensive gifts is how you show your love to someone. Like I said we go through these type of things every couple of years.

Ugg...you are right not exactly what I wanted to hear but if you guys feel it really is the best thing then I guess my only option is to do it. Once again thanks a lot. It is much more beneficial to get an honest fair opinion without being insulted.

 

[LdiJ]

WOW! What an eye opener. Great advice and such a wake up call. I guess I have been to worried about the past and how it effects the future.

I really do just want the best for my child. I honestly felt like this is what has gotten me in this whole mess in the first place. I am just tired of things going good for a while and his dad acting like he has changed only six months later he quits his job and moves away without telling anyone. Then I have to explain to my child that his dad is gone once again.

When he moved back to town this last time I made arrangements for my son to see his dad pretty much anytime he wanted. Everything was going very well until his wife left him and now it is like he is taking it out on me. The whole situation just makes me crazy.

I honestly don't want dad to have any visitation until he completes his counseling. He constantly puts me down in front of my son and talks about how horrible I am. Some of the same things he used to do to me when we were married but I won't get into that. He really does need some help and I am not trying to just be witchy. Things have actually escalated in the last week.

I have actually offered him standard visitation. I am confused now about his behavior. One minute he is all nice and sweet and the next he is cussing me again. It really brings up old memories of when we were married. It is very scary.

My ex filed a petition to modify custody back in August. I was given 30 days from receipt to file an answer. I did that along with a countersuit. In the request he asked that the judge schedule a hearing. It was filed in the circuit court but I have not heard back from the courts as to an actual court date. Right now just back and forth with filing papers.

I do know that child support is a separate issue. I did file it in my answer/response as a countersuit. I guess you are saying I shouldn't have done this? I figured since we were already going to be in court why not just go ahead and throw everything in at one time.

The reason he wants custody of my son is simply to hurt me because he just got hurt. Honestly it has NOTHING to do with actually wanting my child. He really could care less. I know you may or may not believe it but it is the truth. Honestly when he is not on a drinking binge he is actually a decent father. Other than the fact that he thinks buying my so expensive gifts is how you show your love to someone. Like I said we go through these type of things every couple of years.

Ugg...you are right not exactly what I wanted to hear but if you guys feel it really is the best thing then I guess my only option is to do it. Once again thanks a lot. It is much more beneficial to get an honest fair opinion without being insulted.

Its not a problem that you did that (the bolded portion).