What happens if I move?

[nextwife]

" Will we have to go back to court to modify her visitation? We currently have standard visitation........"

Excuse me, but HOW do you intend to comply with this aspect of the court order with no prior modification? Do YOU plan to fly the kids to mom everyother weekend and one night a week, or whatever so that you will not be in contempt? Once you move, the visitation cannot realistically continue without a modification, therefore it MUST be addressed to avoid contempt on day one of your new location. Do you wish to risk your custodial placement?

I do not know if your state does or does not include the CP's income in the CS calculations, and I have not had enough coffee to be in the mood to look it up. However, if you choose to be unemployed, and to live in more expensive CA, you cannot expect her CS to you to be increased due to your now higher costs.

 

[stealth2]

ROFLMAO - you didn't get any different answers at prairielaw, didja? Why don't you try divorcenet, divorcesource, or deltabravo to see if you get a response you like better?

 

[Tinaa]

I hate to show my ignorance, but momma_tiger, what does ROFLMAO mean?

 

[stealth2]

Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off.

 

[nextwife]

Rolling On The Floor - Laughing My A** Off!

Sorry, momma_tiger, if I pre-empted your reply.

 

[nextwife]

Oops! You ARE fast!

 

[stealth2]

Oops! You ARE fast!

LOL Just not cheap ;-)

 

[MamaLlama]

I was just thinking while reading this post...what happened to the golden rule? Are we not teaching our children that you can be mean and disrespectful and ignore their rights and any others as long as we believe we are justified regardless of what the law says?

No one likes their ex...and in 99% of the cases for good reason but regardless of our reasons for being stupid and not realizing that every action has an equal and opposite reaction - they learn more from what they see us do than what we say.

What is the harm in providing notice of the move if you believe that there is nothing she can legally do to stop it? If what you say is true playing by the rules is a win win for you and you are teaching your children that you are the reasonable and fair parent that the law expects of any divorced family.

If this move isn't about punishing the ex and is really about what is good for your family why would you want possible contempt hanging over your head? When you consider a move you need to also consider that changes in your life which are within your control you are responsible for morally (ie additional children, moving and travel expenses) I can't fathom expecting an ex to pay me more because I chose to change my life situation. Wouldn't you want your children to act responsibly and not at other's expense just because there may be a loophole that allows it?

 

[stealth2]

What a great post, MamaLlama!

 

[Nikki74]

One thing that could happen is each parent pays for the transportation to receive the children. Therefore, if mom doesn't have the money for the plane tickets she won't see the children and vise versa. I have a very good friend that moved with the children and that is what the judge ordered him.

 

[kw0602]

I am not asking if her CS would be increased at all. She does not pay anything as it is now. What I was asking is if I move and do not work, as she does not work will there be a change made?

The Golden Rule is a wonderful rule to go by but some people take advantage of that as has my ex. I have always been the one to suffer and modify things for her benefits. She and I both know that.

I am sure that it would be in my children's best interests to let her know when we move, but I am concerned about her harassing my family and I as she has done before. This is why I do not want to tell her.

This possible move will be more than a year or two away so I have plenty of time to decide. Yes, I do want to be the better parent in all issues concerning my children so like I said your input is welcomed.
When I was awarded custody of my kids over two years ago, my ex knew that she would not get my kids back and told her atty and mine that she would rather my kids go to foster care than be with me. I will NOT allow that to happen to them, so maybe a move is not in their best interests right now. Tnanks again.

 

[sroutlaw]

and don't overlook that you would then be kidnapping - even as a cp you are kidnapping those kids from their mother's visitation....and your contempt would lead to jail if the kidnapping didn't get you first. Then YOU would be unfit for all your kids and in jail as well.

Good idea - reality check ! Get a job, or don't plan to leave the state, or hand the kids over to mom or the state. Because you aren't sounding all too fit yourself. And btw, in case you didn't know it, PAS swings BOTH ways and you are exhibiting all the signs of it - a 6 and 7 year old "don't care to see their mom" sounds to me like some serious programming. If they were 12 and 14 or something then I MIGHT buy it, but at this age that attitude comes from YOU sir.....

 

[MamaLlama]

kw062 reply

You're welcome to the advice and I know it is harder to follow than it is to give. Being a CP is a thankless job --even more than a parent of a "traditional" nuclear family (whatever THAT is) --because not only do we have to deal with the antics of our kids and have them hating that we are always the heavy we also get the joy of dealing with the ex, who may be even less reasonable than a surly teenager!

Not unlike anyone else I want to avoid confrontation too and it is easy to hide behind the guise of protecting the children but that is often not the real reason we avoid dealing with our exes. It is usually just because we hate it and wish the hatchet could be buried and move on. That is really passive agressiveness considering the power a CP wields. Even though CPs wont normally admit it we know we have a good deal of power in the schema I urge that we all make sure we are NOT using our CP light sabers just because we can but because it is truly in the best interests of our children- save it for when it is really needed. Oh Gosh I better stop I feel a Yoda quote coming on....

 

[Whyte Noise]

Speak well, you do.

Hopefully he follows, thinks I.

Hard making these up, it is.

Head hurts now, it does.