What Have I Gotten Myself Into??

[getaway]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

In August, we received custody/visitation of two girls: ages 11 & 13. (The actual hearing was in June.) Their adopted mother had become too ill (and elderly) to provide sufficient care. Since then, they have made our lives a living hell. Their behaviour has torn our lives apart. My husband is ill and the stress alone has triggered several relapses since the hearing. The children no longer want to be in our home and we no longer want them in our home. What are our options? How do we surrender custody? What is the quickest way to get them out of here? (We are in the process of moving to another city, so they are already packed.) It would truly be a blessing for all involved if they could be somewhere else by sunset tomorrow. What do I do?? I am at my wit's end! I have provided a loving, nurturing environment w/ appropriate discipline. I have encouraged them to the best of my ability and cared for them as if I had given birth to them. This is an unfixable situation. Please help!!

 

[Kevmar44]

Who's children are they? Your husbands? More details please.

 

[nextwife]

How much counseling have you gotten for them (and yourselves) during what must have been a traumatic transition at a very trying age? Before taking on this reponsibilty had you researched and obtained suggestions from online adoption support groups? What preparedness did you have for these children? Many of us who have adopted have read and researched extensively to be familiar with the issues and therapies that we may face with our kids before we assumed that responsibilty. It could be even more damaging for these children to yet again lose their caregivers. Have you spoken to the adoption agency the mom used to seek professional recommendations and services?

Were these post-institutionalized kids when mom adopted them? WE all know that "love alone" is not all that is needed with PI kids.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

In August, we received custody/visitation of two girls: ages 11 & 13. (The actual hearing was in June.) Their adopted mother had become too ill (and elderly) to provide sufficient care. Since then, they have made our lives a living hell. Their behaviour has torn our lives apart. My husband is ill and the stress alone has triggered several relapses since the hearing. The children no longer want to be in our home and we no longer want them in our home. What are our options? How do we surrender custody? What is the quickest way to get them out of here? (We are in the process of moving to another city, so they are already packed.) It would truly be a blessing for all involved if they could be somewhere else by sunset tomorrow. What do I do?? I am at my wit's end! I have provided a loving, nurturing environment w/ appropriate discipline. I have encouraged them to the best of my ability and cared for them as if I had given birth to them. This is an unfixable situation. Please help!!

Way too little info provided here. Are they family?...have you tried counseling?...

 

[carofl93]

We went through a lot of hell when we got custody of my stepdaughter after 2 years of living with her mom and stepdad who let her do whatever she wanted, when she wanted to. We started her in therapy, and now almost 3 years later, she realizes how lucky she is to have adults who give a damn, and we have a lot less trouble with her. I hope you will give these girls a second chance...they are in the puberty age and that adds a lot to their attitudes. Being uprooted isn't easy at any age...

 

[nextwife]

Even in intact families, bioparents of adolescent girls find themselves sorely "tested" by their raging hormones, angst and antics.

 

[Kevmar44]

I have a 13yr old son...every night when we say prayers I thank the good lord above that he let my son live another day!! LOL Kids don't intentionally try to drive us crazy, (for the most part), it's just part of who they are becoming. I recommend counseling for the whole bunch of you! But I would still like more info on this.

 

[nextwife]

In August, we received custody/visitation of two girls: ages 11 & 13. (The actual hearing was in June.) Their adopted mother had become too ill (and elderly) to provide sufficient care. ...............The children no longer want to be in our home and we no longer want them in our home. What are our options? How do we surrender custody? What is the quickest way to get them out of here? (We are in the process of moving to another city, so they are already packed.)

Evidentally, these are adopted kids whose mom can no longer care for them, so our poster has had them placed with her. On top of these kids losing their "second mom", they are preteens (and we know what THAT means) and the household is in transition because the poster is moving!

I agree that counseling is sorely needed. It was needed prior to even transitioning these kids into this new environment.

 

[getaway]

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?...continued

These children had been taken from the bio-mother's/bio-father's home and then placed in foster care. The foster parent (sick, elderly lady mentioned earlier) adopted them and changed their names without telling them.

No, these children were not our relatives. Yes, we all have been going to counselling for years. (We have been in their lives for the last 5 years. The children and their adopted mom went to church with us.) We have loved them as our "nieces" for the last 4+. They had spent many nights at our home because of that relationship.

Yes, I researched both online and offline resources before and after the children moved in. These children are not the first ones we have ever had live with us. They are #7 and #8. I fully understand "the teenage years" and "transition" etc...

I posted in this forum because I was interested in finding out what legal avenues were available to me. I have done everything else to the best of my abilities. We live in a very rural area and the children have at least 30 bio-relatives here. Removing them from my custody may even give them the chance to go with their relatives.

The problems that I have been having are not the semi-trivial pangs of adolescent rebellion. I live in Virginia. Both children are on their way from Georgia. They were there without my permission. (Very long story cut short: They were at a friend's house and called the bio-father who lives in GA. This situation has been handled.) School started Tuesday and they haven't attended yet.

I'm not boosting out some poor little defenseless waifs. I am attempting to place 2 children that I love dearly somewhere they want to be so that they can be happy and actually TRY to have the wonderful life they deserve.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Sounds like another trip to Brazil is about to take place!

My response:

Grab your coat and get your hat
Leave your worries on the doorstep
Life can be so sweet
On the sunny side of the street

Can’t you hear the pitter-pat
And that happy tune is your step
Life can be complete
On the sunny side of the street

I used to walk in the shade with my blues on parade
But I’m not afraid...this rover? s crossed over

If I never had a cent
I’d be rich as rockefeller
Gold dust at my feet
On the sunny side of the street

(instrumental break)

I used to walk in the shade with them blues on parade
Now I’m not afraid... this rover has crossed over

Now if I never made one cent
I'll still be rich as Rockefeller
gold dust at my feet
On the sunny
On the sunny, sunny side of the street

IAAL

 

[BestInterest]

IAAL-hilarious! Can't believe you did that. That took some big ba!!s

 

[Smarty Panties]

Umm they want to be with their bio father, right? Why not let him have them?

 

[Smarty Panties]

IAAL-hilarious! Can't believe you did that. That took some big ba!!s

You obviously have not witnessed his balls in action yet.

 

[nextwife]

I missed the part about whether they have been involved in counsekng?

AS to buodad, I have no idea why biomom's rights were terminated and whu biodad didn't obtain custody at that time, and why they were then adopted, so I have no idea if bring with biodad is smart or nit.

Their Mom evidenetally placed them with you. She may know a lot more about these kids history. If she felt biodad was a good place for them to be, maybe she would have just placed them there. Maybe you could have a talk with their caseworker and together find the right situation for them?

 

[Smarty Panties]

I missed the part about whether they have been involved in counsekng?

AS to buodad, I have no idea why biomom's rights were terminated and whu biodad didn't obtain cistody at that time, and why they were then adopted, so I have no idea if bring with biodad is smart or nit.

Are you drunk or tired? LOL I'm just playin but I've never seen you make so many typo's before.

I have no idea about biodad either but someone needed to ask. *shrug*