What is the name of your state?hi i'am a single mom with 2 kids one 10 years old and one is 11 months i was with my 11 months old father for 3 1/2 years but he was still married to his wife but he left her when we first got together now he back with her i move 2 hours away from them to live by my sister his wife wants to make all the rules i don't want to go to court because their married i don;t want them to get him i agree to let them take him 2 time a month from sat to wed they won't give me child surport because she said they will buy him anything he needs i think thats ok but my family saids no i being to nice what should i do i want the best for my son i don't want to fight his father is a good dad so whats fair.i live in ill
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what is fair?
- Thread starter annmyers7
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Chelle0511
Member
~What's fair is what you and the child need. However remember just because dad and his wife say they will provide does not mean that they will always. It is honestly best to have everything brought to a judge. It's your choice not your families, but this is his child, married or not he is responsible for its care and well beingannmyers7 said:
A child needs both their parents in their life as much as possible. Personally, I think shared physical custody, 50-50% is fair. But if the parents can''t or won't live close enough for that to work, the child needs to live with one parent and visit the other. Either parent should have an equal right to be considered for custody. If you are ok with that being person Dad, then that is between you and dad, and NOT your family. You two work it out, if you can, and take your agreement to court. IF you feel he really has his act more together emotionally, and is a the more stable influence., then there is nothing wrong with feeling that your child may benefit from having Dad aroound daily. You know him, we do not. But don't be bullied into anything, either by your family, him, or anyone here.
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critterperson
Member
annmyers7 said:
annmyers7,
You need to file for child support.....In Illinois the NCP has to help with the child regardless of the living arrangements....Sure they can buy him stuff when he is there, but even if they were paying you CS they would have to do that....Dad doesn't seem to know who he would like to be with....so if you want to be assured cs before some other woman shows up with a child for him to support..... I suggest you stand in line first.... Just my thoughts
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LdiJ
Senior Member
nextwife said:
I agree. Although I have to say that even in 50/50 situations there is commonly some child support. In that case the parent with the higher income ends up paying some support to the parent with the lower income...or the parent responsible for some specific expenses that aren't easily split might recieve some child support for that reason.
critterperson
Member
nextwife said:
My mistake! In my situation the FATHER or (should I say NCP) pays regardless of how much he sees our son, your right if he had our son (not a chance) I the MOTHER would have to pay regardless of how much I saw my son.........That is the joy of being a CP in Illinois
LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU NEXTWIFE....I was referring to the poster being the CP, and if I am not mistaken she is the mother and the CP? so the FATHER (the NCP) would be responsible....Good grief get a life........... Unless your IQ is in the negative, I think you understood what I was saying........stop being petty and lets help this poster not argue about minor things. You are correct that no state makes someone pay CS due to gender................I am well aware of that also..... I have sence edited my sexist post, so as to not offend anyone else who can't read the post for how it was ment (mother CP posting about Father NCP).....
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critterperson
Member
annmyers7 said:
annmyers7,
I know you don't want to start problems, but based on your post the wife seems to still be worried about you and her husband. I can't say I blame her....LOL. You need to at least talk to an attorney to protect your rights...set up child support, and a reasonable visitation schedule. A visitation schedule should help eliminate some static from the wife about you calling.... If he has set days to pick the child up it may cut down the amount of phone calls. She will most likely not be happy with him having to paying child support, but that is not your problem. A very common visitation schedule in Illinois is- 1 day during the week for dinner 4pm-7:30pm and every other weekend and holiday and a couple of weeks during summer and Christmas break. If you talk to an attorney they will be able to you, and they are less judgmental...LOL Good Luck....I wish you well!
PS... For those of you that would check for spelling, grammar, punctuation....etc. Go at it....you obviously have nothing better to do than be bitter, crabby, annoying most likely lonely people.....So have at it..... if it makes your day(hopefully your week
) to trash someone else who unlike yourselves isn't perfect
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Let's look at the big picture of this.
This is not going to be easy or pretty. You are a double threat to his wife. First, you slept with her very married husband for several years. Second, you had a child with him. Of course, she is going to be a little worried about you calling the house or coming over when she is not around.
But......this doesn't involve what she wants. The baby is between you and daddy. It has nothing to do with her. Or your family.
It is in your best interest and the interest of your child, to do everything through the courts. You never really mentioned, but I am assuming that paternity has already been established? Either through DNA or through him signing birth certificate?
If not - Get it done.
1) Establish paternity
2) Establish child support order
3) Establish custody / visitation order
Your child needs to be around mom and dad.
This is not going to be easy or pretty. You are a double threat to his wife. First, you slept with her very married husband for several years. Second, you had a child with him. Of course, she is going to be a little worried about you calling the house or coming over when she is not around.
But......this doesn't involve what she wants. The baby is between you and daddy. It has nothing to do with her. Or your family.
It is in your best interest and the interest of your child, to do everything through the courts. You never really mentioned, but I am assuming that paternity has already been established? Either through DNA or through him signing birth certificate?
If not - Get it done.
1) Establish paternity
2) Establish child support order
3) Establish custody / visitation order
Your child needs to be around mom and dad.