what is reasonable visitation when non-custodial parent moves out of state?

[cookeee57]

What is the name of your state? CO

Two kids, 16 girl, 15 boy. Parents have been divorced for over 12 years. Dad has been custodial parent. Mom moved out of state three years ago but didn't see the kids much before that. We let the kids visit her out of state, when she has asked, which is not very often. This year, daughter wants to spend the whole summer there because she has a 21 year old boyfriend with a criminal history that she is in 'love' with. Mom thinks this is fine as he 'seems like a nice boy'.
We are concerned about letting her go for such a long amount of time with basically no parental supervision but we don't want to keep her from visiting her mom. We offered one month (out of two and a half off) for the summer. Both kids were down for two weeks over christmas, thanksgiving, and this week for spring break. Mom says we are 'limiting' her time with the kids.
Isn't one month plenty if it is really to see their mom? Mom has been told that she can see the kids whenever she wants in our state. Mom doesn't work but has the money to do it if she wanted.

 

[Silverplum]

Is there a court order for visitation? If so, what does it say? From which state was it issued?

 

[abstract99]

Are you a little concerned about this 21 year old boyfriend? Maybe it is just the dad in me talking but I remember when I was 21 and I can tell you the only thing that I was looking for with a girl was .... well...... some poon.

Oh yeah and what plum said too.

 

[stealth2]

Yeah, we need to know what Dad's order says regarding visitation.

 

[cookeee57]

Sorry, must have been unclear. Visitation and divorce were all from Colorado. Mom has put in divorce decree that Dad could not move more than 30 miles from the home they had shared since he had the kids. Dad has physical custody in Colorado, always has. Visitation specifies, every other weekend with Mom and two weeks in the summer, but that was when she lived in town. It also specifies that either parent can only take the kids out of state for four weeks a year.
She moved out of state three years ago and has made no effort to have this modified.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Sorry, must have been unclear. Visitation and divorce were all from Colorado. Mom has put in divorce decree that Dad could not move more than 30 miles from the home they had shared since he had the kids. Dad has physical custody in Colorado, always has. Visitation specifies, every other weekend with Mom and two weeks in the summer, but that was when she lived in town. It also specifies that either parent can only take the kids out of state for four weeks a year.
She moved out of state three years ago and has made no effort to have this modified.

and it doesn't matter if mom moves to the moon. The order stands.

 

[tigger22472]

in that case, kind of technically, legally she's entitled to 2 weeks visitation in the summer without a modification. Unless mom gets it modified you can tell her that 4 weeks is more then the court order says she's entitled to anyways. If she wants to then press the EOW thing, point out she's more then welcome to excercise her EOW, dad isn't stopping her. However you and I both know she won't. Will it force her to modify? Maybe but the odds of her getting it modified by summer this year are slim and the concerns about the 21 yr old b/f come to light. My question about this though is where does the b/f live? If he lives in your state and daughter is in another state just how are they supposed to continue a relationship? And before it's misinterpreted, I don't condone this, just wondering where he lives and how that all came about.

 

[kpepperz]

Belize is right

If the mom has not taken the time or expense to have the court order modified, that's all you need to abide by.

 

[nextwife]

My question about this though is where does the b/f live? If he lives in your state and daughter is in another state just how are they supposed to continue a relationship?

They AREN'T supposed to continue it. He's 21. He should have nothing to do with a 16 year old CHILD. This should not be encouraged. When she's 18 or 19 she can date a 21 year old - but not now.

 

[casa]

in that case, kind of technically, legally she's entitled to 2 weeks visitation in the summer without a modification. Unless mom gets it modified you can tell her that 4 weeks is more then the court order says she's entitled to anyways. If she wants to then press the EOW thing, point out she's more then welcome to excercise her EOW, dad isn't stopping her. However you and I both know she won't. Will it force her to modify? Maybe but the odds of her getting it modified by summer this year are slim and the concerns about the 21 yr old b/f come to light. My question about this though is where does the b/f live? If he lives in your state and daughter is in another state just how are they supposed to continue a relationship? And before it's misinterpreted, I don't condone this, just wondering where he lives and how that all came about.

It also says the parent can take the children out of state for vacation for 4 weeks- so Mom could have the kids for a month based on the wording of the order.

 

[cookeee57]

thanks so much for all the advice

This really has helped. We offered mom a month in the summer. She has not replied at all, so we don'[t know if this is going to happen yet.

As far as the 21 yr old boyfriend for our 16 yr old daughter, she met him while visiting mom over winter break. Mom didn't even know his last name or anything about him. When daughter came home, I asked her his name, she told me. I checked online and found that Miami Dade county has a free site that lists criminal cases by name. I found out his age through that. I also called his phone and verified the info. Mom just said "he seems like a nice boy". I have worked in a jail and know many 'nice' guys who have done not so nice things.

 

[FellFromGrace]

I you ask me, i think your only concern should be about your daughter and this 21 year old boy. the longer you let her stay, pretty soon, shes not gonna wanna come back. you gotta put your foot down. maybe you should move closer to the mom, so you can keep an eye on things.... all i know is your choices dont look good.. you can keep her away, but she'll hate you... you can let her stay longer, but you'll be a grand daddy within a year.

 

[Ron1347]

Sorry, must have been unclear. Visitation and divorce were all from Colorado. Mom has put in divorce decree that Dad could not move more than 30 miles from the home they had shared since he had the kids. Dad has physical custody in Colorado, always has. Visitation specifies, every other weekend with Mom and two weeks in the summer, but that was when she lived in town. It also specifies that either parent can only take the kids out of state for four weeks a year.
She moved out of state three years ago and has made no effort to have this modified.

Okay....so as I understand it, mom can have daughter for a 'total' four weeks Out-of-State per 'year', but nothing stipulated as those four weeks being 'consecutive'. Only if 'you' choose to permit it.

Let me tell you something...(barring interference with mom's rightful visitation order), 'my' daughter wouldn't be leaving State for an entire summer for sure, nor even for the one month you've so graciously offered. NOT having a 21 year old boyfriend in that other State! And damned well NOT with having a 21 year old boyfriend with a criminal record, in another State! I'd be holding 'strictly' to the visitation order, period! Sorry...daughter would just have to hate me. She'd get over it sooner or later or...she wouldn't. Too bad so sad, I love ya sweety...BUT!!! AND...'I', would be looking into pursueing charges against Mr. 21 year old!

Now...that said...comes an admission of truth. I to have a 16 year old granddaughter, who happens to have a 21 year old boyfriend. It is being permitted. I love her daddy (my son) to death, but he and I sure disagree on how to handle 'that'. My son's biggest problem is that, 'he' isn't the CP. Mommy is, and 'she' has no problem with it. Dad 'could' pursue a course of action (no, not talking about any bones being broken, although a thought), but mom and granddaughter would just continue it anyway. Contrary to my beliefs, I vowed to keep my nose out of it. If she were 'my' daughter, it would be handled much differently. But, I'm just 'Papa' at this point.

 

[djohnson]

I just want to say (and will probably get blasted for it ) that in my opinion, you need to focus on the character and past history of the boy and not the age. I know it seems that the age should be a problem, and usually is. However, girls do mature faster than boys and if you have raised her to have values and moral and know right from wrong, the age wouldn't be that much different if he was a good boy. As I started dating my husband when I was 17 and he was 24, we both knew what we wanted and didn't get married until my last year of college and he was willing to wait and help me. He was raised right too. We are still happily married and three kids later with a wonderful life. The age doesn't have to be a factor and if you focus on that with your daughter, then all she will see is you not trusting her and calling her immature and a child. You need to focus on the facts of his character and past and just teach her to make right decisions and never give up her dreams for any man, no matter the age. That being said, I would only do what the court order states and explain to mom if she helps with her daughter get hurt or break laws, then she may be held responsible too. You not letting her see mom because of a boy will just drive her away from you and to mom who isn't going to teach her the values. I think if we all remember that age, you will remember thinking you knew everything and everything parents said that disagreed with you was dumb and old fashioned. You have to handle the situation carefully. You have the potential to hurt her just as much as this boy does, just in different ways.