what should my husband do?

[Arevalo]

Hi

We live in MA and before I met/married my husband he told me that another woman was carrying his child. Well the other lady recently had the baby and my husband did go and fill out the paperwork and sign the birth certificate. Does he have any rights now? Can he just go and see his daugher or does he have to go to court and get visitation rights?

And help/advise will be helpful.

Should he go for a blood test to be sure that this is his daugher? The only reason I'm saying this is because at one time he said he wasn't sure that is was his child or not. I have no problems with him fathering another child (it happened before we met/married.) I just want to make sure he does the right thing(s).

I want him to go and see his daugher and spend time with her, but I have asked him afew times when he was going to see her, but I don't want to keep asking him. I guess when he is ready he will see her. (baby was born in feb and he has only seen the baby 2 times in the hospital and one in March when he went to sign the birth cerf.

A

 

[ROBINRAZ]

First, let me say that I think it's great that you are concerned with him seeing this child. My daughters father never sees her, even though he does pay child support. I know that one day, be it tomorrow or in years to come, that he will regret not seeing her and getting to know this wonderful child. Many women see this as a threat, like in my situation, his current wife does. I think it's great that you are attempting to help him with this and in the end, I'm sure he will thank you for helping him with this decision.

Second, he never should have signed any papers saying that he was this childs father unless he felt comfortable with the fact that he is "in fact" this child's father. Right now, with his signiture, he is saying, yes, this is my child. Now, he does have rights, and is now obligated to pay child support. When I was first speaking with CSE my daughter's father had not signed the birth certificate, so I'm treading on uncharted waters here for me. If I were him, your husband, I would contact CSE (child support enforcement) and attempt to establish that he is in fact the father. They do have this service, blood testing, available to them, and I did have to take my daughter in to have her tested, and me, right there in the CSE office. Establishing paternity is where I would start first.

Visitation: CSE will not help with visitation. I was told here in Ohio, that in order for him to be granted visitation, that he would have to hire an attorney. So that would be my suggestion to you. In my case, he never went for it, so I don't know what all is involved there.

Good luck to you and your husband.

 

[Ambr]

i agree with the previous poster. there are time limits that a father can protest the paternity (usually 4 years).

if he was unsure, he probably should have had the tests before he signed the paternity waiver. i would suggest that he have the testing done and paternity established now if he is still unsure. CSE usually have this service and it would be a definite instead of a maybe to the paternity. they would also then establish the support order.

child support and visitation are two separate issues. he would need to file for visitation, custody is usually established at this time too.

he could ask for for joint legal with the mother as the physical custodian. that will give him input into the major decisions of the child and keep both parents active in the childs life. judges usually like this type of custody. they would also establish a visitation schedule for the child.

just a question, is the mother cooperative in visitation? does she have any problems with the father seeing the child?

even if she was cooperative, i would still take it through the courts just to make it all legal. if she is cooperative, it could be as easy as drawing up the papers, signing it and requesting the judge to sign off to make it an order.

i just suggest this because there could be a day that she isn't as cooperative and it would just be easier to get it done now if she is. (less hassle)


good luck

 

[Arevalo]

rely to all from Arevalo

Hi

Thanks to the both of you for your advice. Again at one time he said to me that he was unsure if it was his child and then about a month later he said he was sure. When his daugher was born he went to the hospital and we both went up the next day. I met his x girlfriend and to be totally honest with you I was really unsure how to take her. My husband told me that when they were together she was really mean and nasty to him but there are always 2 sides to a story. As far as I know my husband has only seen the baby a total of 3 times (twice in the hosptial and once when he went to city hall to sign the BC). My husband said that the x said that any time he wanted to see his daugher he could do just that. But since that day, I have asked him 2 times when he would be going over to see her and maybe taking her out so I could see her too (the daugher) he got upset (not really too bad) but he said I really don't want to see "that lady" and I really don't want to talk about this. He just said this to me yesterday. I don't want keep asking him when he is going to spend time/see his daugher but I would really like for him to do this. But again I am not going to make him do anything he don't want to do on his own.

When he went to the hospital (when the baby was born) he said he was 100% sure that this baby was his because it looked like him (I just can't look at a baby and be 100 % sure it is someone's baby (the father).

I have 2 boys from a past relationship and their father hasn't seen them since they were born (my kids are 9 and 15) So I am trying to get him involved with his child.

One thing I might add is that I think the x may be hurt/angry that he is married and she knows deep down in her heart that it is over between the both of them. Yes I know that they have a child together but as for them being together again they is in the past.

Please if you have any more advice or anything else to add, please do so.

I will write again when I hear back from someone.

thanks again in advance