what son says

[mommymisses]

i am a resident of Flordia and my son lives in tennessee with his father. my visitation is obviously very limited. during thanksgiving visit my son said things pertaining to how his stepmother treats him. she does not abuse him, at least as i can tell. however i do feel that she is neglecting him and his father is not stepping in to prevent it. what are my options in this situation to either ensure he is properly treated or to remove him from his fathers custody.

 

[MySonsMom]

i am a resident of Flordia and my son lives in tennessee with his father. my visitation is obviously very limited. during thanksgiving visit my son said things pertaining to how his stepmother treats him. she does not abuse him, at least as i can tell. however i do feel that she is neglecting him and his father is not stepping in to prevent it. what are my options in this situation to either ensure he is properly treated or to remove him from his fathers custody.

What is this child being neglected of? A step parent can do as much, or as little as they want. They have no obligation to children that are not their own.

MSM

 

[mommymisses]

a parent, whether biological or not, has a responsibility to take care of the child(ren) living in their home. the fact that my son tells me that he is treated different then the other 4 kids is a big deal. she is the one who is home with them the majority of the time so she needs to take care of him as she does the others, right? if not then why do courts take into account how the step-parent feels toward the child?

 

[tigger22472]

the question here is what is the SM doing that or not doing as you see as neglect?

 

[julhurt]

As many will tell you on this board, stepparents have no rights, thus no responsibilities to the child, only those they choose to have. As they said what is he being neglected of? Not being fed, clothed. His father is custodian not the step. Maybe you two should have a talk.

 

[MySonsMom]

a parent, whether biological or not, has a responsibility to take care of the child(ren) living in their home. the fact that my son tells me that he is treated different then the other 4 kids is a big deal. she is the one who is home with them the majority of the time so she needs to take care of him as she does the others, right? if not then why do courts take into account how the step-parent feels toward the child?

No, a step parent has no obligations towards a child that is not theirs. Nor does a step parent have to treat a child that is not theirs the same as he or she treats their own children. What a step parents does for a step child, is their choice....whether a small amount or a large amount. Sometimes step parents step in and act as parents to children, sometimes they don't....it is entirely up to the individual. You need to explan "neglect".......if she is locking the child in a closet and only feeding the child bread....then that is abuse...regardless of biology. She is not this childs Mother.......because she has obviously decided not to act as a Mother. It appears she has 4 children of her own? Well of course she is going to treat them differently....I'm not saying it's fair but it's life. Your child has a Mother and a Father....This woman is a Mother to 4 children.....she evidently doesn't want to be a Mom to a 5th.....and that is HER choice.

MSM

 

[Jenifa]

I had to comment here....

Hi MSM,

Remember me, Jenifa? I had a baby in November 2000, and had fallen away from the boards for a while. I hope you're doing well and have a great holiday!



Jenifa

 

[Grandma B]

If your son is being neglected, it is neglect by the CP, i.e., his father. I feel very sorry for your son that he's been placed in a situation where he can't be taught what a special person he is.

On the other hand, if his stepmom was trying very hard to be a mother figure to him, you might be put out thinking she was trying to usurp your position. I've never had nor been a step, but sometimes I feel sorry for them. They're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

 

[tigger22472]

I am a CP and a SM. You get a double edged sword when it comes to step-parenting. I'm here to do laundry and car pool and even babysit when SD is at her mom's and has to work but you have the right to make NO major decisions. I love my SD as one of my own but I also know that if her father and I ever split up that my responsibilities lie with my own children. I am lucky enough that I get along with my SD's mother and I would still be able to see her if things ever went sour but still in the end I am not her parent. With the snap of a finger I could becoming nothing to this child. Some people try not to bond as much with SK for this reason. I dated a guy for a while that had a little girl that I became close to. When he and I split up it was very hard for me to realize I wouldn't see this child that had been a part of my life again. For this reason alone when my SO and I got together I didnt' want to meet his daughter at first. I was scared that I would get attached. He also resisted for a while bonding with my boys for the same reason. Children become very attached as do SM/SD's. A SP doesn't have any rights or responsibilities as far as these children. If the SM chose to she could have the BF take the child to daycare when he was at work. On the other hand I don't treat my two BC the same so why would I treat my SD the same way too. As far as disipline they are treated the same but they are all different ages and have different personalities and shouldn't be treated as one.

 

[MySonsMom]

Re: I had to comment here....

Hi MSM,

Remember me, Jenifa? I had a baby in November 2000, and had fallen away from the boards for a while. I hope you're doing well and have a great holiday!



Jenifa

Hey Jenifa!! Nice to see you back. How's the little one? Hope all is well...



MSM