What would qualify as a change of circumstance ?

[Pearl72]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hi. I was just wondering what would be considered a change in circumstance and would i have a chance of having my daughter come back and live with me due to the following situation?

My daughter really hates her school. She had a horrible 3rd grade year, she is currently in 4th grade. The 3rd grade teacher she had, we (me and her dad) just found out she will be teaching 5th grade. My daughter has expressed to both me and her dad she does NOT want to go to this school next year period. Granted my daughter is only 9 1/2, but she has made it very clear to both her dad and I. Her dad and I started looking at other schools, just to kinda look at options, and see what we could possibly do.

Daughter really wants to go back to her old school where i live. She has more friends here where i live, than with dad. The new GAL has spoken with our daughter, and daughter has expressed she wants to come back and live with me, and go back to her old school. I had suggested this to dad, and now he says she will continue to go to her current school, despite daughter's concerns/objections.

The GAL even told me that she is at that age, where she needs her mother (puberty etc) - but her dad said her step mom and her older sister could fill in where i could not. Middle school is coming up, and it is a hard thing for anyone to go thru, child and parents.

Would this be enough of a change of circumstance to have my daughter come live with me, and just switch the schedule what it is now? Father is against it, and refuses to listen to my daughter about her coming back to live with me again. Telling her that if she does, I won't allow her to see them (dad, step mom, siblings, nephew etc). Which is not true, he is the one that didn't always excercise his visitation when i had custody before.

Would this be enough of a change in circumstance to allow her to go to a different school, if she isn't able to come back with me? She really really doesn't want to go to the current school - she's been there almost 2 terms now, and she still hates it. She has agreed to stick it out for the rest of this year, but begging me and her father to put her in a different school.

 

[CJane]

WHY does she dislike her current school so much?

It's possible, if there are legitimate concerns and she's suffering academically, that it could be a change in circumstances. But the chances are pretty slim, and they'd have to be some pretty serious issues.

And while the GAL may have said that the child needs her mother around more as she approaches puberty, the GAL still recommended that Dad retain primary custody, correct? So that's a HUGE burden to overcome.

 

[Pearl72]

CJane - yes her academics have suffered a lot. Her dad says because she is still adjusting. She's been there for 2 years now. The GAL didn't recommend that he retain primary custody, we have shared physical custody once i move closer to his area. Right now, I have about 35 percent due to the distance - but when i move closer it will be 50/50.

Her dad told her to stick it out another year,(4th grade) to see if it improved from her horrible 3rd grade year. She is in 4th grade now. She still doesn't like the school, the students, the teachers. She doesn't like that the cops are almost always there every day due to the fights etc that happen at the school. I Volunteer there three times a week, and i see what she sees and has to deal with. She tries to learn, but the classroom gets interuppted, they get off track, they have to spend time to try and get the kids to settle down and listen to the teachers etc. There are other schools around, that are higher ranked, and are better schools, with better academics etc. If she doesn't come back here to live with me, there ARE options of other schools she can go to - but her dad is no longer on board at looking at them. It is a control thing (in my opinion). He isn't involved with her schooling at all, and Step Mom has tried to be the one doing all the school stuff and what not. Her father is not interested in her academics at all.

 

[mistoffolees]

WHY does she dislike her current school so much?

It's possible, if there are legitimate concerns and she's suffering academically, that it could be a change in circumstances. But the chances are pretty slim, and they'd have to be some pretty serious issues.

ESPECIALLY when the only reason for considering a change is that she doesn't like the teacher that she might have in another year.

Sounds like a very long shot to get the court to change it. If you and Dad can work things out, that would be best. If you can't, you probably have to let it go - and see how things progress.

 

[CJane]

Pearl, I really, truly believe that you need to focus on moving to Dad's area. Expand your time with kiddo. Continue taking care of your own issues. Stop looking for ways to change things so that kiddo can "come home". It's just not going to happen.

I'm sorry. I know you want this more than anything, but you're not seeing how huge a burden it would be, or the craziness you'd have to go through. You JUST got the new order. Changing it this soon would be nearly impossible... and kiddo hated her school before the new order went into effect.

Deep breath. Get your stuff together. Move as soon as possible. And when you do, move to an area with a better school. And THEN address the issues.

 

[stealth2]

Middle school is coming up

What grade starts MS there?

 

[Pearl72]

Cjane - Thanks, and I am trying to move down that way - Just have to find new docs etc, and also i don't get out of school til the beginning of May. I am hoping by mid may i can move closer to where my daughter is, hope that being closer things won't be so bad and i can be more involved.

Stealth2 - MS Starts with 6th Grade here.

 

[stealth2]

Then I can see planning to leave her in the same school for 5th, as she will have another change the year after and the problem is likely to resolve itself.

 

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hi. I was just wondering what would be considered a change in circumstance and would i have a chance of having my daughter come back and live with me due to the following situation?

My daughter really hates her school. She had a horrible 3rd grade year, she is currently in 4th grade. The 3rd grade teacher she had, we (me and her dad) just found out she will be teaching 5th grade. My daughter has expressed to both me and her dad she does NOT want to go to this school next year period. Granted my daughter is only 9 1/2, but she has made it very clear to both her dad and I. Her dad and I started looking at other schools, just to kinda look at options, and see what we could possibly do.

Daughter really wants to go back to her old school where i live. She has more friends here where i live, than with dad. The new GAL has spoken with our daughter, and daughter has expressed she wants to come back and live with me, and go back to her old school. I had suggested this to dad, and now he says she will continue to go to her current school, despite daughter's concerns/objections.

The GAL even told me that she is at that age, where she needs her mother (puberty etc) - but her dad said her step mom and her older sister could fill in where i could not. Middle school is coming up, and it is a hard thing for anyone to go thru, child and parents.

Would this be enough of a change of circumstance to have my daughter come live with me, and just switch the schedule what it is now? Father is against it, and refuses to listen to my daughter about her coming back to live with me again. Telling her that if she does, I won't allow her to see them (dad, step mom, siblings, nephew etc). Which is not true, he is the one that didn't always excercise his visitation when i had custody before.

Would this be enough of a change in circumstance to allow her to go to a different school, if she isn't able to come back with me? She really really doesn't want to go to the current school - she's been there almost 2 terms now, and she still hates it. She has agreed to stick it out for the rest of this year, but begging me and her father to put her in a different school.

I just wanted to add in that while I agree 100% you should move closer to your daughter and that would be an incredible way to be closer and more involved, it would be a bad life lesson to allow her to think she can just up and move schools because she doesn't like her teacher or the school. Many children go through YEARS of school with teachers who they hate, or just a dislike of school, but they still have to do it. For that matter, many people go their entire career with a superior they really HATE! Part of public school is learning to work with a diverse group of people...and learning to mold your personality to those around you and the environment around you.

Just some food for thought...but I don't think your daughter disliking her teacher or the school would come close to a reason for a judge to change custody.

 

[mistoffolees]

I just wanted to add in that while I agree 100% you should move closer to your daughter and that would be an incredible way to be closer and more involved, it would be a bad life lesson to allow her to think she can just up and move schools because she doesn't like her teacher or the school. Many children go through YEARS of school with teachers who they hate, or just a dislike of school, but they still have to do it. For that matter, many people go their entire career with a superior they really HATE! Part of public school is learning to work with a diverse group of people...and learning to mold your personality to those around you and the environment around you.

Just some food for thought...but I don't think your daughter disliking her teacher or the school would come close to a reason for a judge to change custody.

I agree. My daughter had a pre-K teacher from HE77. This lady was an outright monster to 2 or 3 of the kids in the class (she was actually OK with the rest - she just singled out a couple of kids that she hated for some reason). My daughter survived the year (with a lot of tears) and is a much better person for the experience.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

I agree. My daughter had a pre-K teacher from HE77. This lady was an outright monster to 2 or 3 of the kids in the class (she was actually OK with the rest - she just singled out a couple of kids that she hated for some reason). My daughter survived the year (with a lot of tears) and is a much better person for the experience.

Misto, as a teacher myself, I must say my heart breaks for your daughter and those other students. For any future visitors to this thread, if there are indeed problems with a teacher, a parent has a right to address the situation with the teacher, and if that fails, move up the ladder. Administration needs to be aware of the bad apples in the bunch!

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, as a teacher myself, I must say my heart breaks for your daughter and those other students. For any future visitors to this thread, if there are indeed problems with a teacher, a parent has a right to address the situation with the teacher, and if that fails, move up the ladder. Administration needs to be aware of the bad apples in the bunch!

I did. I talked with the principal and she had, of course, heard all year about how much trouble my daughter and the other girls were (surprising since she's NEVER gotten a complaint from other teachers). She didn't hear about the teacher putting the three of them in a closet during nap time - or refusing to let them hug the big stuffed animals like anyone else or 'forgetting' to include her pictures in the pictures posted around the room.

By the time we had spent a couple of visits with the principal, the year was almost over.

 

[Isis1]

I agree. My daughter had a pre-K teacher from HE77. This lady was an outright monster to 2 or 3 of the kids in the class (she was actually OK with the rest - she just singled out a couple of kids that she hated for some reason). My daughter survived the year (with a lot of tears) and is a much better person for the experience.

As a mother, I am not okay with that type of behavior. I've in fact witnessed teachers act like that to children and made reports. Turns out I wasn't the only one complaining.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

I did. I talked with the principal and she had, of course, heard all year about how much trouble my daughter and the other girls were (surprising since she's NEVER gotten a complaint from other teachers). She didn't hear about the teacher putting the three of them in a closet during nap time - or refusing to let them hug the big stuffed animals like anyone else or 'forgetting' to include her pictures in the pictures posted around the room.

By the time we had spent a couple of visits with the principal, the year was almost over.

Wow! I am speechless!! That is truly horrible....the school failed you and your daughter horribly!